One before the decade...

As a fading note from one of Hans Zimmer's works plays in the background...fireworks light up the end of a new decade and Im staring at my laptop screen...with everyone snoring at the home, I refuse to look out the window to what people believe is the end of a journey and the beginning of another. I look back at the decade thats gone by than just the year thats gone by and I feel...thats quite a lot for about a little more than 2 and a half decades!

I flip through my phonebook trying to call someone desperately and that 'someone' is either not there on that list or names that can wait for the sun to rise...there is no name that can be called now at this dire hour...the turn of a new decade. The only ones I actually call are my best friends and a few cousins. Most friends and acquaintances are either partying or out of their homes...as ever and boring...Im at home as usual (not being the party types). Sigh!

But at that given moment, a sign of emptiness and a little void I must admit. A vacuum that makes me reach out to memories of my past and long for a better future. The present is good but not as better as what it was before...guess at that moment, it feels the same when I was in my past. As one can notice by now, Im mumbling and trying to convey something like Im on a high or partially stoned.

New Year resolutions still had a few minutes for sure, but certain things were already on my mind. 2010 would mark my comeback to writing poetry after more than a year and a half's break. It also marks my venture into the wonderful landscape of Bass Guitaring! Well, all of this looks intimidating but worth locking horns with. What is also looking promising is my fitness rigour and my run at cricket tournaments. Looks exciting for sure.

What looks better I guess is a little soul searching and soul-mate searching in the coming months. My battles with my preferences versus what my folks want and all those family fueds that may arise at the event. Looks like a big family soap opera the way things are coming up...

The advent of such nationalistic politics and aggression has certainly fired up my brains...I see myself certainly going towards the angry-youth-burn-the-town form which is like an avatar of 'Incredible Hulk'. Boy! If things were really like that...imagine what all would be possible! My brain is now ticking...a comic strip coming soon...what say?

I was looking back as to how Ive survived in my life...Ive had say 2 lives...and Im damn lucky to still be alive. There is a birthmark on my neck which signifies my second life...where some sort of Umbilical Chord (correct me if Im wrong here) got wound up my neck when I was being delivered. I did lose my pulse but came back to life in a few moments. The scars that will remind me of how lucky I really am.

Ive been rescued from drowning too! I was at sea in Kuwait when a friend and I had been on this swimming competition and we swam a tad too far. I remember hitting a rock and injuring my toe and in that pain, I lost breath and tempo of my swimming and I gasped for life. A few hand signals to the shore and I see a gentleman swim feverishly to my direction...the next thing I remember was being resuscitated and brought back to life...puking all the sea water out. A relieved but upset mom and dad...not knowing whether to scold me or hold me close. Third time lucky...I survived to see the light of day for the next few decades.

Accidents aplenty...bicycle, scooter, bike, auto-rickshaw...its been a crazy life for sure! my elbows knees are decorated with scars, stitches, cuts and bruises. Ive always been fascinated with glory of war and only then did I realize that most scars aren't memorable especially the ones of war. But being a non-soldier entity, I dint take that very seriously. Macho and muscle was in the air and showing off was all a part of the game...childhood fantasies I say!

The first Gulf War was a strong influence in my life on how I viewed the world on the whole and my beliefs about life in general. Seeing an ugly side of life does influence ones actions and thinking to a great extent and it did so to me for sure. Being an evacuvee in dire circumstances, has certainly prompted me to write a book about this...hopefully make a true story movie for sure...lets see how this one goes...

Been in and out of love so many times that each time I narrate a tale, it sounds like that of a loser and Ive always been a laughing stock or a sorry figure who is still in pursuit of his muse. Much I have learnt relentlessly like a movie is each script. Another movie in the making...hopefully life should come full circle soon!

As one can figure out by now...this being a scrambled article before the decade ends, there is no theme, subject or any direction. I must begin on random scribblings to reduce the burden on my heart, mind and soul to come up with something quick...but figured out, what would the purpose be? A reader must be touched at at least one point...mind, heart, soul or skin. If that has been achieved, then Im not that bad a writer (this would include being a poet or an author).

I look back at the leviathan father time and never ending ticking clock that creeps like a sloth in the dark...realize that its almost 2am...and Im wide awake. The bed is yet to be laid and my dreams are yet to begin and take shape. The last note of Hans Zimmer's work echoes and fades out and I almost crash with a fistful of hopes and handful of dreams. God knows where I am heading...please take me home...


(Note - The painting is by Gustave Caillebotte: "Young Man at His Window" 1875 Oil on canvas 117 x 82 cm Private collection)

Nail the Enigma V

Here is the last enigma of the decade...not that this would be the end of it all! Hope you can crack this one...Nail the Enigma V

A thousand words with the nod of the head
A single meaning with the dip of the eye
An unexplainable mystified emotion of Eve
The epic of love shrunk in one quick moment

As simple but powerful as it can get. Make sure you stretch your imagination and see what you can discover in these lines...the closer you get, the better it is...but you are most welcome with extremes!

Till the next cut is delivered...happy reading!

Delightful December...

The December of 2009 couldn't have got better at least in the last decade of my life...and what a way to wrap up the decade...in style and in surprising success! To me, this was obviously wasn't easy...time has been a good father and has tested me in ways Id never imagine. It only makes sense that good things finish last and last forever. So here is a short description of how delightful (in many ways) my December was...

A 2 year wait came to a climatic close as the news of my poems inclusion in an anthology was finally being considered for print and publish. This would be the first news in my 12 year writing career that such a dream is coming true. Though the release has been pushed to the next decade, this is a news that any poet can feel elated about. In a world where publishers have shunned me away stating "Poetry Doesn't Sell", Prakriti Foundation has broken that myth for me and have brought this long cherished dream alive. Four of my works will feature in an anthology that will feature some of the most amazing poets from all over the country (those who participated in the 2007-2008 Poetry with Prakriti Festival). This to me will remain in my books, one of the best moments in my life as poet and as a person. Lesson - Persistence Pays!

What followed suit was an out of the world announcement. The US Consulate in collaboration with the Prakriti Foundation decided to give th art of poetry a bigger and probably the biggest stage in the form of the Poetry Slam Festival ( a version of the Brave New Voices). What amazed me even further that when I received an Invite not only to participate in the festival but as one of the featured poet for the event. This shot me through the roof as this was something I wasn't expecting in my life at all and to be a part of Poetry's biggest celebration and performance, was quite an honor. More so ever, the entire event garnered a lot of press coverage and shockingly, there was a life size snap of yours truly with some amazing words written about the event and about the performances. It was my first time on-stage in 10 years as a performing poet...much has changed since then and this time I did well...I could feel it and it has come a long way.

December also got a lot more musical for me personally as I decided to take my year long strumming on my Acoustic to the next level. I finally decided to buy my Electric Bass Guitar...what a defining moment in my life yet again...and an expensive one...but a worthy investment. Any musical investment must be encouraged and is always one of the wisest things to do. The 4 string bass was a beauty the moment I saw her (though i had been researching quite a bit on what to buy but this caught my fascination)...an Ibanez GSR200 Black model. Honestly, in my pursuit to music in life this will stand out as the biggest decisions and one of the best moments that has given me a bit of confidence more than anything else. Its a matter of time now...

What amazed me even more at that time was that my parents officially began their alliance search for my marriage. I found it very funny for a start as they (for a change) spoke of my future as a married man and all of that jazz. It was interesting as I kind of felt good about losing my single-ship and stepping into a more settled form of lifestyle. Online registrations, horoscope exchanges, matching criterion, temple visits, consultations aplenty! Name it and the whole family was into it all. Friends and cousins doing their bit by their usual teasing and kidding and what not! For a change, it was quite a pleasant change from the mundane and routine life that began to set in. Things happen for a good reason Id reckon...guess it was the sign of things to come. It was now only a matter of choice...rather destiny! Love the suspense bit...

A moral victory came through in December in the form of my confirmation in my current organization. This was a critical moment in my life at that stage because this was like a slap in the face of one of my cousin brothers who thought this lad would do nothing without his help! Well cousin...can you feel the heat now! (I had to censor this). I feel so good when I say that and I wouldnt mind saying that publicly because thats how much insult and disgrace he had brought upon me. Guess the best way to reply was by pure action and this confirmation was like a shot in the arm! Toiled hard relentlessly and tested by fire and brimstone...and finally my first victory against all odds.

Chennai had been through a rough dry spell and there was a major lull in the environment. The heat got to all of us and it rained fire in the month of December! But soon it was all gone as Chennai witnessed a relentlessly long-due storm that hit us for almost a fortnight. The sun was nowhere to be seen and it was quite a sight and a time for all of us. The dark skies engulfed like a blanket over the sun and the water ravaged the city like an onslaught. To me it was music to the ears and a portrait to the eyes. Every man-made thing was put to the test of mother nature's fury and we were all at her mercy. Power cuts, cracked roads, overflowing bridges, destroyed fields, closed institutions, umbrella sales...name it and you had it in Chennai...that too in the winter of 2009 December!

What capped the month off finally was quite sportive for both me and the country! Well, honestly Ive improved on my fitness regime in order to compete on a larger field of the game of cricket. Indeed it did take a good shape and I got myself into a good team with a few friends and we also got into a league tournament which saw us take a 3-0 lead in the group play-offs. But what got me really on a high was the fact that India, for the very first time in its history, became the No. 1 Test Playing nation in the world. All first times happen for the first and last times....because after that one has already been a part of that moment and its a matter of history repeating itself. This landmark moment was history itself and I personally was witness to it (amongst billions). To me, test cricket is the toughest form of the game and to be the best nation in the world takes some courage, character and charisma. Under the leadership of Mahendra Singh Dhoni now, we seem to have all this and many more to that list...in fact I wouldnt be surprised if there might be case studies written about him and the team in many a B-School. Such has been the impact of his leadership style at such a young age and hats off to him and all the players that made it possible. Jai Ho!

As one can see it by now, lot of things to celebrate about in this month...personally, professionally, publicly and nationally! 2009 indeed was a rocking year with a few of my favorite metal bands that kickstarted a rocking year and a delightful december to close it all. Hopefully this new year and the new decade brings about all the best things in life...A very happy new year to all the readers and thanks for being such wonderful followers...cheers!



(The image is that of the Winged Victory Princes' Gates at the CNE Grounds in Toronto. For a more interesting reading on the original headless Nike statue at the Louvre, do check out this link -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winged_Victory_of_Samothrace)

Nail the Enigma...IV

Here is the next installment of Nail the Enigma series. Based on responses, I think its time to raise the bar and see how far one can think or imagine the words I pen down. See if you can nail this one...

She arrives and departs unnanounced, an immortal she is

To touch and trigger by whispers in my ear, an art she

Spills them through my eyes and hands, a life she is

Live or die, Wait and rust, love she is...

Make sure you stretch your imagination and see what you can discover in these lines...the closer you get, the better it is...but you are most welcome with extremes!

Till the next cut is delivered...happy reading!

This thing called...

There are a lot of aspects that make us 'human'. It has been proved from ages that our race is a unique blend of certain intangible constructs that seem to go our way in the desparate moments and drives our purose to exist and to survive. The list may seem short to some or long to many...to me its just a handful. All these years of my existence has taught me lessons aplenty relentlessly and time and again, its been the hard way. Yes of course, I have fallen, befallen and arose from the depts to take my life head-on and gave back my fullest to not only survive, but to live to fight another day (many of us have been through the same, so be proud of it). People have viewed me in a lot of lenses and have had their room for passing judgments and freezing on perspectives. It has quite internally been a long waging battle of sorts and it has brought me into many lights and shadows. Such has been my battle filled journey with this thing called...Love!

This has been long due and might just be the right moment to rid this off my rustic brains before it decays into something meaningless and far fetched. In fact, the thought process began quite sometime back but fuelled to be penned down just now, thanks to my status message on my social networking hubs and mail accounts...it stated - "Single, Alone and Bored..." and believe it or not, the reactions and comments I recieved was more than any other statement I have ever made or articles in the past that Ive ever written. Strange, but I liked it when people sounded concerned about the status message...and my status. What one must do to get people talking or just turn their heads...such was this attempt and it worked. The perfect spark to fuel this flame. So...here it is!!!

Its a fun filled article and I am not here to script motherhood statements or the Dos or the Donts or leave a bad taste at the end of it all but will try my best to give that grin at the end of the page which both people In and Out of love wouldn't mind...so there goes my disclaimer or a forewarning...

Lets begin with our school days...when we are at our best in imagination, creativity and visualization...this is probably the only phase where we might have a parallel world where reality is a far fetched dream...where Utopian mindsets are bull-shit. No boundaries and no restrictions... which brings me to Phase I - The Good Old Days of Impossible Infatuations. Anyone would agree that all our innocent feelings and expressions were at its peak during this phase of life and I have gone through it all and quite interestingly found a lot of time for it than what I did in my classroom or for the homework. Early romance was primarily influenced by movies and we know how a romantic story and song sequence worked (and dare not anyone deny) with dream sequences which would have running around trees, two flowers coming together, costume changes, close ups et al. Since no one wanted to be serious in this phase, the chances of having multiple crushes or affairs were quite normal and switches were normal (or I'd reckon...) on the cards. Some would be shocked, surprised and flabbergasted but what the hell...what are friends for! The corridor walks, secret talks, eye to eye looks, compliments, cards, calls and what not! I have been through it all (bet many would have)...ups and downs...one sided, two sided, other sided and no sided. But of it all, on a personal note, I was seen as notorious and friends around me at one point of time hated it...this was the phase I made more foes than friends. In truth, I was trying to deal with myself and got more deeper and deeper...with extreme ends at the stick...with good and bad. There were plenty of fights and conflicts because eventually you are not the only person to like another...many hits on the same target...so that meant wars...in and out of the school compounds. And one can now imagine my plight!

Which brings me to Phase II - The Days of Evergreen and Possible Romance. Here I would describe ones college days (both UG and PG). At the brink of adulthood, the vibrance of youthfulness is what drives us to adventure and escapades (in any given form)...license to thrill and be thrilled. Did we even ever care about the rules...hell no! Recklessness and Rebellious made the emotion of Love quite heartless and soulless...Love suddenly became tangible than immortal. Those who crossed this phase were certainly immortalized but those who couldnt cursed the emotion to the pits. This is the stage wher Love is at a make or break stage...and where people either carry their beliefs or dump it to hell. It was in this stage that I carried my belief ahead and despite setbacks and frequent realizations I felt it hard to stay away and see the world thrive its existence on just Love. It was to me, a universal emotion that keeps us human. Severe criticism was drawn and many critics were turning cynical and abysmall at that phase of life and this also gave birth to many philosophers and poets. I couldnt believe that those who were once wrapped around in the arms of love were forcing their ways out and abusing it to death. I chose not to...as simple as that.

Which finally brings me to Phase III - the beauty of reality and what love is and is not. In this phase, we grow up to become serious beings and life shows us a lot of meaning and purpose at this stage. At this point in life, we witness ourselves in a mad rush of work and in all of this madness, we go through further hell...to be honest, the days of a single story is no more valid or relevant at this time. We question the purpose of our actions in the past and mull over an uncertain future...we analyse our mitakes and feel miserable or feel good if the same story is continuing. We search for greener pastures because it is our desire to feel wanted, loved and needed...humans arent we? Who prefers or likes to be ignored and unwanted? It is in this notion that we never give up our quest for love...cynics become hopefuls and even they consider to change their views to remain relevant. Such is the power of this emotion! I might sound cliched or corny throughout but whatever said and done, no one can run away or hide from this emotion...it is powerful and is felt in all phases of life...young or old and in any form! There are many words to describe, sub-genre and what not! It all boils down to something very basic...that makes us all human!

We might witness Innocent victims and evil perpetrators widely display their actions, intentions and consequences...I honeslty think it is the choices that we make that define us. Blame not the emotion...blame oneself for the choices weve made or pat ourselves on the back to have chosen the best. It is only in our dying moments that we choose to realize...cant that realization come at the death of a story? Why wait for an end of a lifetime to know what you could have done to live another day...live another story? Imagine if we gave it another shot...how many more friends would we have met, how many foes would we have done away with! I have met some of the most amazing people in my life and I have had the priveledge of knowing them in person...Ive met them in the toughest of times and certainly in times where I needed them the most.

Somehow in a rough road trip, where people curse the roads, I relatively chose to go along the bumpy roads and break my will, ego and my heart, only to rise again. I havent succeeded yet but Im enjoying the journey so far. Im not giving up yet and I will not till my last breath. Call me a fool or whatever you want to...just cant let go of (funny) this thing called...Love!



Note - The inserted pic is titled "The Poet and the Muse of the Ideal" by Carlos Schwabe (1877 – 1926). He is one of the more disturbing Symbolist artists. He seems to have had an obsession with death (possibly associated with the demise of a close friend when he was 17), and his paintings often contain allegories of suffering. He also displayed an interest in Decadent literature, and the above pic is an illustration painted by Schwabe for Baudelaire’s Les Fleurs du Mal. I somehow felt this relevant to the subject I wrote...symbolically!

Symphony of Suspicion...

Home is where the heart is and home is also where the body, mind and soul is. To me, home has been specifically where the body and mind has been. Sometimes, I like the old un-changed residence that I get stuck to it like glue. I guess thats what most of my tormentors call it a comfort zone. I call them jealous but cant help but think about what they actually meant.

I discovered this pattern quite sometime back and Ive learnt how to deal with it...but above all, the awareness of the same was quite an eye opener. The trend is that if Im told to go to any place or travel to a new city or an unfamiliar location, I would internally feel so intimidated, disturbed, scared and curious and what not! Fear and reluctance would be written so invisibly but for acceptance sake, I would talk myself into it and make it happen. But first Id feel like some evil force has entered my body and is shaking it up like a blender...inside out. I feel like puking and Id suddenly lose my voice or my ability to move my feet. All sorts of non-sensical scenes would come to my mind.

Since most travel schedules were morning flights or night trains, Id have to tag along with my bosses or at times by my own...and that would mean wake hours before schedule so that I dont miss my departure schedule! That would set the tone of the entire journey! My first step of suspicion would begin with my trust of my own timings! Often I would succeed and with the help of my dad, Id beat time...not before I doubt my own abilities! Thats how I actually got myself into doing a lot of self-talk and self-you-can-do-it talking!

Things wouldn't stop there wouldn't they! Once I landed or arrived at any new location, Id always ask every alternate shop, auto driver, bus driver and conductor, citizen and even kids who would know the locality inside out. The best part would be that they would all give me the same and right answers to my redundatn questions often but I would relentlessly pursue to ask more people again in a feeling that Im being duped. Evil or mean you may call it, such was the extent of my suspicion in a new place. My luggage would be stuck to me like glue with my hands doing a frequent frisking to check if every necessary item was in place. I wouldn't spare checking my pocket belongings too for every 5 - 10 minutes. If the place I went to had a language problem, the time interval of checking would be worse...say close to every 2 minutes.

New routes on the bus / cab / auto was another killer! Id have to act as a spy noting every area name and route (a habit Ive developed after watching numerous spy and espionage movies) and mentally or visually memorize the routes. The fear of being lost or confused would keep me in a grim mood and wouldn't let me enjoy the sights. Unpronounceable, Illegible and what not, if the names were not in my terms of clarity or safety, my walking speed and heart beat would match an Usain Bolt's clocking speed on track. Well, no one quite understood why all this happenned...I had to get to the bottom of this issue someday and I actually did! i took me a few minutes and a few memories to grapple with in order to bring some sanity in this madness! To go to the roots of this all, I would narrate 2 incidents that influenced me or rather that inspired me to think this way.

I once was with my parents in a monsterous shopping center in Kuwait and amidst the maddening crowd, I was holding their hands and I was about 6 - 7 years old at that time. In a snap of a moment amidst the turbulent crowd, I was separated from my parents and was literally pushed aside and I lost sight of them. Like being thrown around and circled by, I lost my direction and the location point at where I lost my parents. I ran as fast as I could and at the same rate, my tears were pouring out like never before. I was stuck in a mall which was one of the biggest in the country and I dint know the language nor the locality nor the people. I ran from pillar to post sobbing calling out mom n dad and peeping into each shop to see if I could sight them...but couldn't do so...for about 20 minutes. After almost losing every inch of hope, I entered my favorite store thinking the toys would give me some solace...and to my relief...it did. I found them there...checking out some new Transformers toys which they promised to buy me that day...and I found them at the place which intuitively called me there. I went in running and hugged them both and told them that I almost lost them...much to my surprise, they dint even realize that this all happened because they themselves were awed by the toy store and its new toys which they wanted to buy for me...well...now you can imagine how I freaked out! All was well after that...

The 2nd instance is more fictional but close to what can happen in a war time. Note - 1990-91 was when the first Gulf War had taken place and evacuations were aplenty (a story I will narrate later). I was watching this WWII movie by Speilberg called Empire of the Sun where a young Christian Bale gets separated from his parents and ends up in a Japanese POW Camp and undergoes all the trials and tribulations of a troubled and lost boy. The scenes from the movie were then etched in my mind forever because the war in Kuwait was getting worse by the day and the curfews dint help either. Every time my dad or mom walked out to the stores, I was never sure if they would ever return. Such has been my childhood times and now one can imagine why I feel so when caution is thrown in the winds...quite literally!

When all of this culminates, it sounds like a raucous symphony from all directions, amplified with multiple overtures, motifs et al. that blares my life out in all directions and it is in that moment when I think of home as a safe haven. Known is always limited but the unknown is what at times mystifies me but cautions me. In recent times, Ive been able to do a lot of self-pushing and self-talk and moreover its now more of a conversation. I deal with my own suspicions and have begun to trust the world as it comes by and not rely on my past. If it wasn't for that effort, I wouldn't have visited some major and minor places on the map (with a lot more places on my map to go to).

The dawn of realization actually came to a symphonic climax when after 17 long years after my evacuation from Kuwait in 1991, I made my first overseas trip to Hong Kong. It felt special but again curious of what was to come. When we took off that evening...the only thing I saw was the inviting skies and a carpeted welcome by the musing clouds. I felt I was a part of the skies that engulfed all my doubts...yes, I had grown up then but the child in me was still alive and kicking (which it still does till date...even as I type this). The only way I would have initially felt was to go down or straight up...at that given moment, after a series of thoughtful image filled memory passed my vicinity, I actually felt that the flight was heading nowhere else but straight ahead. It was then that I was done with my symphony of suspicion...It played for so long...and I laid it to rest, forever!

Nail the Enigma...III

Yet another attempt to bring myself to the realms of a poetic comeback. Lets see if you can figure this one out...

Orchestrated by pounding insrtumentation
Scripted from ages and performed till day
Staged to set free ones arrested emotions
Feet are hurting but in pain you must sway...

Let me know if you can nail this enigma...remember, you need not be accurate! Make sure you stretch your imagination and see what you can discover in these lines...the closer you get, the better it is...but you are most welcome with extremes!

Till the next cut is delivered...happy reading!

Air Raid Bombing!

A fine monday morning...fresh breath, Brushed teeth, clean shaven, neatly combed, formally dressed and polished shoes...an executive gets ready for a busy week and this happens to be an important week for him as a lot of ideas would get signed off and he would be meeting the top guys in the company. Warm weather with the advent of the Southern Winter...chirping birds and racing squirrels...songs from the radio and resounding chores from every door...the world is as it should be for him...a peaceful monday morning. It is then he realizes that it is too peaceful than usual...an unusual silent and smooth going so far...he shirks it aside wondering perfections was'nt bad at all!

Off to the parking and the vehicle starts with the first kick...surprising but pleasing...brings a wide smile on his face...it couldnt have got better, he thinks! He plays a soft number in his ears for a change hoping for a smoother ride with a pleasant sight...and exits his apartment with no hassles, waving goodbye to his loving mother, grandparents and his dad...but unusual of all of them to be at the balcony at the same time waving goodbye...he dint mind that at all...he rides away to work.

The first signal he encounters, turns green without him having to hit the brakes or wait for a few seconds...day is getting better by the minute. He now begins to pray (which he usually doesnt) to keep the good times coming...overtakes many vehicles that actually give him way to go ahead...all of them budge aside! Even the beast like bus hustles aside to let him go...his smile gets wider and wider...makes his way and speeds his way up on the city's biggest and busiest roads.

A point comes where the entire traffic keeps right on the broad road and our protagonist is on top of his journey so far imagining that the whole world was making way for the king. What follows in the next few scenes is unthinkable...

The entire stretch of the road is tree-less except for this lone patch with one monstrous tree lurking out from one of the office building premises into the road towards which the traffic on that day wasnt willing to venture into. Our man today on seeing the world-wide gap to cross everyone to go ahead races into the unwilling patch of road and then....it turns into a war-zone!!!

A formal shirt turns into an army fatigue with polka dotted multi colored shots from the tree top...from sunshine to the shade, the hero now feels all the droppings like a shower of rain but indeed it isnt...its an air-raid of the antagonist(s) who have been waiting for their victim for all this time. Clad in black and wailing in code-words the enemies drop a series of foul-smelling, double colored, semi-solid, hard hitting and well aimed morning-formalities based droppings on our hero, beginning the end of his dream-run!

His smile turns into a sigh, his song turns to abuse and his hopes turns into despair...and he now wonders the build up to such a disaster / tragedy / misfortune / catastrophy (choose the best from the options)...the chain of events...it was all meant to be! He was bait and fell prey...when had a monday morning been so pleasant in his life! And he fell for it...and that too on a monday! People whom he overtook now had their last laugh and in retrospect sighed in relief. What a war can do...especially with a low-range air-raid bombing...especially on a monday morning!

By now you know who the protagonist and the antagonist of the narrative were...it is indeed a true story and one of many to ever happened to each and everyones life. So please stop laughing at me and remember your days of being bombed in your unusual and usual places and times and have a good laugh on yourself and your friends...its the best way to beat these darn crows...

The Rise of the Underground

I was reading an interesting article on WWII where many nations were torn apart, their governments were brought down, history and culture was destroyed, architecture & monuments were razed and what not (the same being mentioned in our history books from start to end...with pictures to back them all up). Such moments in any country's history does breed a lot of hatred and rage that the generation had witnesses and over a period of time, most of it all, culminates into something significant and tangible. This is not a history lesson but 'history' itself in the light of realism...

The concept of "The Underground" literally symbolises a movement or a resistance which is not visible on the surface of any ruling body. This is no book or a refered definition, but an interpretation of my perspective. When I was reading about the Polish Underground State on Wikipedia, what struck me the hardest was that even in dire times like war, was how just a group of individuals could make the biggest difference to their country in the best possible way. When the Germans were on their Blitzkreig mission, they were razing various cities to the ground and that included buildings, museums, schools, churches, books, artifacts, monuments and most importantly...people and their families. At the heart of it all...the roots and the culture was on the verge of a downfall which would have taken centuries to build and establish.

In such critical times, a few inspired (rather enraged) individuals collectively joined hands to survive the ordeal and literally moved into underground makeshift bunkers and corridors. They would help the other survivors move in and would collect all bare necessities and basics to survive the war and the extreme weather. The main intent of creating such bunkers is to evade crossfire and air-raids that bombed cities in pockets. As one can imagine, not all survived it all and not everyone could fit in the bunkers amidst the chaos. It was also used to survive the bitter and cruel winters.

Interestingly, in such movements, there was always an assumed or a looked-up-to leader who would involuntarily take charge but in many cases, democracy was practiced and many people chose their leaders. Under many a leader, these movements and messages would spread rapidly and many revolts and attacks would be carried out on a strategic basis and results were quick and hard fought. That was the strength of an underground movement. Imagine how many lives have been lost and found in such struggles in any given critical moment in a country and its countrymen's lives!

This concept of an underground has spread to many fields and understandably so...the acceptance of the culture openly has resulted in certain Devil's Rejects to find shelter in places away from critics and have a sanctum of their own...by virtue of The Underground. Be it music, art, dance, poetry, technology, religion, sport etc. Whatever has been written off by critics across has certainly gained what the term is called 'Cult Status'. According to me, the world chooses to see what it wants and conveniently dethrones what it cannot withstand or which it cannot call a contemporary or a people-favorite. In the name of business, many a natural talent has been swept to the underground...in the fear of elimination of what already is and has been doing well in their fields.

According to me, if it wasnt for narrow minds, this underground wouldnt have existed. I try to reason this by asking myself, why do human beings become rebels...because in dire times when survival is a matter of life and death, what does one do when the rope is too tight around the neck? Well the answer is simple...do whatever it takes to be free...and live to fight another day! According to me, it is the attitude of this-is-right-this-is-wrong rule setters who create the underground! Let it be...leave them be...Nothing is ours....it will never be...we were born empty handed and we will die empty handed...why write rules and create a rebel in the youth that ends up deep down in underground movements....frustrated and traumatised!

Enough of the rambling...as one can notice...I myself have had a taste of such feelings and though I havent been a part of any underground movements, with the current state of things in our country, I feel one day I will eventually become a part of one. But the best part of todays underground is that they are not afraid...they are fearless and do not hesitate to express their intent. Which is why slowly, certain underground movements have come in the open and is now more visible than ever. Nevertheless, they are but still an integral part of the Underground movement.

But here is the deal...now we are out in the open and we are changing the world for good...the youth of today are on a mission and this according to me is the single biggest underground movement in this history of this planet! This is getting bigger than any living or dead governments and will one day overthrow all written rules and regulations to make this a free world...where there will be no crime, no loopholes, no corruption, no rapes, no murders, no wars, no genocide, no religion, no enemies and no fear (one can add to this wish-list).

It is on that day when those who criticized the world, will need to take shelter from the underground and will eventually have to let them re-write the pages of history. These are certain dark times where heroes arise from the darkest corners to bring light to those who deserve peace and justice ( I know I sound as corny as one can get but what the hell). It is in such times I wait and long for a hero/heroine...who will end all foulness, destroy confusion, destroyer darkness and annihilate ignorance. Does the name 'Kalki' ring a bell?

In all of this, I might receive opposing views and reviews on how Ive positioned this article but does it matter when we there is a living hell that openly slumbers in the belly of the beast?. If we dont deal with this, then what they have accumulated as so called wealth and power will push us to the depths of misery. I am no evangelist, but here I am...calling to all the young and free spirits from the Underground...arise and come to the open and let us all join hands to bring this rusting and decaying world by coloring it right and rescue it from its own downfall...let it not be the fall of another Roman Empire...

PS - All the text written and mentioned above is not directed towards any specific group or movement that exists. This is purely a personal perspective and does not contain any hidden or mis-directed message. However, if one still feels so, then I seriously think that you belong to the government or to the ones they call critics! Have a nice day...

A Thankless Job!

Camera zooms out...as far as outerspace - Planet earth is colored 70% in blue and the remaining 30% in white, green and brown. The 30% that I just mentioned helps us breathe and survive and lest we realize, its soon going to change.

Camera zooms in...as close to Chennai at Mount Road - With a varied mix of percentages, my world is covered in black, white and shades of grey and lest I realize, Im about to melt and drop dead. It was at this moment when I had to halt at this signal stopping where something unusual happened.

Mount Road in Chennai is a stretch which has no trees planted but have medians which have saplings planted just for beauty sake. In my usual routine of riding to work amidst all the madness, today was a tad tough time on the road with respect to the heat, noise and the smoke around. It was then that a sapling on the median on the road placed its shade by the order of the winds like a blessing in disguise to protect me from the heat. For a moment, the world within the shade seemed like a different weather altogether! My shrunk eyes were wide open and its been a while since Ive seen Mount Road that clearly! The soaring temprature turned to a caressing moment which calmed me in no time and brought the world around me to a silent shroud...

I turned around to see a cute child like sapling and I could literally see it smile and all I could give back or rather say was...'thanks'. It was the only thing I could even say...but in a few minutes, I had to race to work from that oasis to another barren concrete journey.

I sometimes wonder, how much can we pain this planet and bring more convenience to our lives! We must realize that the oxygen we breathe are from the trees we seed. We cut them like they had no purpose or like they had no life! What if nature fought back...would we be able to withstand the attack? Would they hear our cries of forgiveness? Think about it...hasnt mother nature had enough of all the atrocities mankind has brought upon?

The shades of the trees dont come of use to them and still we want to dispose them off their roots to build a better place! What on God's name are we upto...digging our own graves? Dont they bear the brunt of the sun and the storm to protect us? Why as kids did we play around them like they were our grandparents and when we grow up, hell bent on uprooting them? Food for thought isnt it? Doesnt it also sound like we are biting the hand that feeds us? Crude but still worth thinking about...

An author's inspiration, a poet's muse, a duet's destination...amidst other common purposes of any living being. Shouldnt it be our sworn duty to protect them for what theyve done over the centuries to build our ecosystem? Above all, in today's economic value by virtue of ones salary, do we even remunerate them for services rendered? Well, isn't this then, an eternally thankless job?

Nail the Enigma - II

In my continuing effort to cut down on the length of prose and a comeback to poetry, here is the second edition of Nail the Enigma...

The rules are simple...figure out the theme / concept / meaning / subject / situation etc. So, here we go...

Sanity broken by a murderous tangent
Contoured map with endless routes
Wrinkled rubber of age-old routine
Tanned tales and coloured rules

Nail this enigma and pin your comments to see who gets the closest to what the lines actually mean. Till the next cut is delivered...

Never Say Die...

Ive always craved to meet a godfatherly type of person in my life for various reasons. Someone who could show me the way or even tell me if this was the best thing to do or the best way to do anything I aspired. Unfortunately, in that search in trying to find one, I tread on a self driven and to be honest which wasnt the easiest and not the wisest to do. My belief is that if there isnt an external intervention, we journey with only a personal perspective that guides us throughout (which most often isnt the complete picture). I missed doing a lot of things in life for which I regret at this age...but here is the best part...ive also learnt something aweosme by taking my own path...its never late to do anything in life. A dream is a dream and an effort doesnt depend on age at all. It is therefore a challenge to all those who have almost or nearly given up...never say 'die'.

As a person, Ive always enjoyed encouraging people...get the positive vibe across and be a part of their success. There is so much joy i experience that sometimes I thought of becoming a coach (which I dint want to tread towards deliberately). It doesnt matter who or where or when...my general feeling is that everyone has an ability they might or might not be aware of. Im not here to preach the Nothing is Impossible theory but to an extent...if we set a dream for ourselves...chasing it will certainly take us somewhere if not for nowhere. You might encourage a kid to take its first walk or an retired officer to take up singing...doesnt matter. Its all about helping people re-discovering or uncovering their abilities.

According to me (and many more philosophers around the world) believe that its never too late to do anything in life. We live only once (hereby denying the theory of an afterlife) and I believe we must live it by doing what we always love and cherish and stop cribbing that we can't! Imagine the time we must have wasted thinking we can't than how much time we could have used by saying 'why not'!

So keeping all of this in mind, here is a perspective of how we can let others realize their long lost but aspiring dream of doing whatever they had in mind. Its very simple...all it takes is a little push! Obviously it musnt be taken in its literal sense so let me unfold this mystery to all those who deserve that push and to those who are willing to give one...

Here is a little trick first hand...there is no way you can identify exceptional talent in an off-hand manner...you can only come across one. It is because they have already found their potential and they only need to elevate themselves from a stage to the spotlight. The key is in identifying those who had that dream but due to various circumstances or limitations might not have been able to see their dreams become reality. The fact that they wanted to be like superstars might be a distant dream but at least they might get a second start. To see someone smile after theyve made their first attempt at their dreams is something I feel thrilled about because it is that small step that gives them that giant leap.

Why am I preaching so much? Why do I sound like a Business Baron whos written a 400 pager book which keeps delivering the same message? Am I sounding like a coach whos got a career or trying to make one? So many questions in your minds and I can already sense it. But, to be honest with you all, I just love encouraging people who dream...if there is a passion in life, I enjoy helping people find it and bring it to reality. Any little skill or hobby that they possess, I try to push them to take it to a bigger level...Im not building champions or winners here but just helping normal people do something extra-ordinary in whatever scale they wish to. Do note that any dream can go far only as much as how far you want it to go...I only help in the trigger (which according to me is the toughest job). But as they say...a good start is half the job done.

Most of my effort is actually unplanned and it all begins when I come across a person who is generally cynical about things around or someone who is depressed or an introvert in life. Actually they are easy to find but hard to get around with...positive people are hard to find and easy to get around with. So that actual effort is to turn them from at their current degree of their downward spiral to a higher spiral where they see a little relief in their current predicament. Its all about belief and hope...if you can instill any one of this, then it certainly works...takes time but worth the investment.

Most cases where I have tried this theory, there has been a lot of positive response and the other person's happiness and hope is the sign of instant success. This theory is entirely self tested as well...let me explain! My brother has been playing the guitar for the last 6 years and obviously the kind of music Ive influenced him with. So the root of it all actually was the listening exercise that we used to have whenever school or college would get over and when we would play the music on the speakers. The best part was he was inspired immediately to play but I was still stuck at listening and researching music...whereas he was at a total upward spiral. When the time came when we got him an electric guitar, I was still listening and researching and he was playing faster and faster. He kept pushing me to play and all I kept telling him that there were too many strings and frets and it was just impossible! It actually took him so many years to successfully convince me to pick a guitar when one fine day he said that they needed a band-mate and I was there but was of no use despite my know-how! And that day I wasn't hurt...I was actually inspired! It was that same day I stepped out to the music shop and got myself a guitar. Its almost a year now and I aspire to become a bass guitarist one day and im 26 years old. Most people think that its too late to do anything...I dint dare to dream to do this until I was 25 (thats almost a third of my life if I were to live a hopeful 75!).

I once tried teaching a 7 or 8 year old boy of a labourer's family at a construction site on how to bowl and he was an aspiring left arm fast bowler...he grew so much in confidence that moment and his pace increased with every attempt and his smile became a mean grin like he was already in a match or so. That brought me so much joy that I could feel the enthusiasm get better and better with just a few words and continuous encouragement.

I once met a small boy (from a fisherman's family) selling flowers at the beach and he was pretty persuasive with me and a friend...and then I took a conversation with him and asked him about his aspirations (this was the time when APJ Abdul Kalam was the president)...and he mentioned that he would like to be like APJ Abdul Kalam. So i told him...its possible provided you do well in school and you stopped selling flowers. But that was one of his family's incomes and he wouldnt be able to . But then I couldnt deprive his family too...so I told him to take his schooling as primary importance and then his profession only if he had free time. He went back to his sales merrily and I almost found an amazing sales and marketing guy there...he could sell and I had to buy his product (though the flowers were meant for my friend). I did nothing there but just sow the seed of confidence.

This is just my tip of the iceberg...there are so many of them like that and imagine if all of them could do wonders if they all realized their potentials...young or old. All it takes is a little push. Find them and help them...give them that little confidence and they will see you as their godfathers or godmothers...it matters so much to them. It might be a struggle if they dont breakthrough but at least they will attempt. As the olympics emphatically states...its not about winning...its about participating. Lets help these lost souls that have given up to find a good reason why they should be happy again...

Another angle that I tell people to take in life is that we must prepare oursleves to lead 2 lives in one (No derogatory interpretations here please). In todays work pressures, it is so difficult to pursue our interests or even small hobbies which we once cherished when were in school or in college. We must push to lead 2 lives...how...its simple! When we finish work and return to our homes and havens...(which is tough and most unpredictable) one must switch off from work life and pursue some interest so that they are connected to themselves.

I know its easier said than done (I cannot help people who possess Blackberries). I even urge people with kids to help their kids pursue their interests and in that manner...rediscover theirs! Sometimes its so heartening to see your kids take up your dreams where you had left them doesnt it! Think about it...those who couldnt...can teach! And there is no dialogue called - I dont have time or there just isnt any! I think we must get over this line and make time. I know friends who are into so many things despite working or studying...Ive seen it and its possible.

So, now you can imagine...if I have started to play the guitar (and Im proud to say so despite my limited knowledge)...anyone can begin a dream and make it come true at any point of time in their lives. By doing so, make sure you pass the vibe and energy to others around you...young or old and see the magic unfold in front of your eyes. Help those who deserve it and tell them that once what was given up, those dreams must never die...

Nail the Enigma...

After close to a year of the 'Random Question' Series, I decided to build a sort of a comeback scene to my roots (guess I ran out of subjective or thematic matters temporarily). To be honest, its been more than a long break from writing poetry and I felt the best way to slowly comeback to what I did best once upon a time is this interesting section that I have titled - Nail the Enigma. This is a different way of approaching the art and is in no way connected to Mr. Langdon or Mr. Brown.

The task is simple...I pen a few lines based on a theme / subject / scene and in reply, pen your thoughts to how you interpret it (need not be accurate...can absolutely stretch your imagination). Dont worry...I will try my best not to sound like a villain in an interrogation scene with questions and clues...but why should I have all the fun! So lets put a smile on that face and welcome the first ever lines of 'Nail the Enigma' section...

Saga of the fall scripted in transparent ink
Immortal and disappear with light’s one wink
An orchestra on stage with sound of black and grey
The gods are in tears when they see us all pray…

So, here...we...go! Nail the Enigma...Im counting on you all.

Look forward to all your interpretations!

Journey Back and Forth!

Music is a widely spoken and written about subject for centuries and in almost everyone's likes and favourites (without the shadow of a doubt) the presence of music in their profiles would always be a given. But I am penning this to delve into such a phenomena in this article...rather, I would like to take a personal perspective (cliched I know, though some of them must have written on this too) and take you on an interesting journey on how I discovered music...

Funny how it all starts for all of us isnt it...we are always curious to know more from the time we are born arent we? From this infant stage, the initial curiosity moves up to inspiration and tells us to explore further and deeper and build our tastes for music. All of us look up to our parents or our siblings to see what they like and see if it matches our likes and dislikes...and this habit mostly begins when we are barely able to speak a complete sentence.

Born in Delhi, my journey began when I was in Kuwait for the first 8 years of my life and my dad would allow me to listen to the local radio which surprisingly had english songs played for the working ex-pat population at that time. By the grace of that, I tumbled upon my first rendezvous with english music...(I would not get into the genre for now). This was during the late 80s when the likes of Bon Jovi, Guns n Roses and other artists were dominating radio air-time and so did my dad who was a big fan of certain select artists (which I will name a little later). My dad was a big fan of quality music systems and was very specific about quality of the speakers...this was what got me into music first actually. My fascination with electronics and the lightings n displays was what caught my attention besides the regular cartoons on TV. It was quite a beginning...

My home has always been a treasure chest with a lot of musical goodies around (not about instruments)...the access to music was plenty...at least as a listener. The radio programs were good and the quality of music at home was also quite diverse! I would find everything between Pink Floyd to Dire Straits and from Black Sabbath to AC/DC...and guess where I would find them? All of the tapes in my father's old worn out air bag high up in the loft. That was one of the biggest discoveries of my life and I would always cherish that moment when I pulled that dust wrapped air bag forecully from the loft (all by myself) and dropping a few bags in the process and almost falling off the little bench I had placed to reach me to the top.

But what amuses me the most is that at times mom and dad would say listen to this, listen to that or say dont listen to loud music or dont listen to angry or aggressive music...but eventually it was all that my dad heard when he was in his yesteryears! So why not me...I thought! And thats where the whole episode of the rebel in me was born where I would listen to what all my dad had collected over the years...it actually dint have extreme music but the diversity was quite impressive! Allman Brothers, Elvis Presly, Jimi Hendrix, UFO, Ravi Shankar, L Subramaniam, Dire Straits, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, World Fusion, Beethoven, Bach, Disco, Bee Gees, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Jazz artists and country music too. (Phew!)

The next task was obviously take each tape and run the entire album on my cassette player till my dad would sit beside me and help me sort out the best from the worst and give me a little history lesson about the artists and his younger days listening to them all. One of the few moments with him where we would have a hilarious conversation...where my mom would stay out for a change! It was then that I realized that there was so much music before I was born and I knew what I was liking...he even told me that he had seen the Woodstock Festival in a movie theatre in Madras when it was released in the 70s. That must have been such an era to be in...hippies and gypsies as a lifestyle and all that rebellious establishments with a lot of freedom in the air...protest this, protest that and what not! My mom was a big fan of old hindi music and the entire family (in her end) were a set of singers who could take stage and perform some classics from any era...no comments on my dad's side (chuckle). Thats when I decided to take a trip back to a time when I was not even born and when my kind of music was taking form...yes I am talking about 'my' discovery of Music.

This meant that I had to go back to say 20 years from when I was born and back to another 20 years after I was born...Im taking about a 40 year span (plus another 10 years in the new era of music today). This was an intimidating task and surely wasnt a short term task at all...but I figured out...if it took a lifetime, it would be worth each minute spent backwards and forwards. Well, to be honest, we werent the well off families...we were at the lower to mid middle class of the strata (if I had to use my judgment from today's learnings)...and this was by no means the right position where I could explore the music I wanted...it was expensive and it was tough to find...yes, I am talking about a pre-liberalization era of India where we were just being welcomed in the arms of the rest of the world...I would surely like to thank late Prime Minister Narasimha Rao (also known as the Chanakya) who brought in this phenomenon (please note - only for changing the country from a Socialist to a Market Driven economy)...enough of the politics now!

Wherever I had been in India post 1991, I had been surrounded by Bollywood music and this almost killed my hopes of exploring music (I like) in a place where it was hard to find music I liked. Thats when one day when on a trip with my friends I realized in a ride to one of Delhi's underground markets that there was a thriving business of english music audio and people who dealt with it dint know a word of English except for the numbers...thats when I realized, it was in the wrong hands completely...and it was these people who probably were suppressing the in-flow of english music and pushing the supply and demand of Bollywood music...sad but true! Until such time, the radio was my best music friend and on that day, I spent my first 125 rupees and bought a collection of Def Leppard's album titled 'Vault'. The next few spendings were on artists like Bryan Adams and Metallica (for a start). Such was the joy I couldnt have describe to anyone...it was a revelation and a wake up call to my conquest of searching my kind of music.

Till then I had been plagued with so many genres of music that it pained me that I couldnt find what I wanted. Even the radio stations were playing the best music at the worst time...late noon (when I would be in school) and late night (when I would be in bed). But in Delhi, I was away from my parents and lived with my grandparents...this helped me discover my taste for nocturnal interests and honestly I enjoyed every minute of it. Great music and what a fabulous RJ to top it all...5 - 6 stations playing 8 - 9 hours of amazing music - from orchestral scores to heavy metal and fusion instrumentals and what not! Thats when my departure from pop and anthems began...I was stepping into my world after a prolonged period of misguided trials and turbulent tribulations.

The absence (rather the beginning) of the Internet was also another challenge...it was the beginning of an era and it was damn expensive and rare to find too (Not many embraced this in the start but it soon caught up). Music artists had jus begun putting their websites with their profiles, discography with lyrics and images / pictures...and thats when I realized...that I was in an ocean! Let me explain...shelves on shops often do not display the entire catalogue of an artist...they place what sells the most and what is the fad and fashoin! Now that was when I realized I was in the music business trap...had to break free and escape! Thats when I began my real discovery...this time it was of any artist I chose, I would go to their history, understand their circumstances, their background, motivations, explore right from their first albums till the latest songs and doing all of this being in Chennai was the toughest of all things to do. It was during these times cashflow at home was a bit of a botheration...whatever savings I had gathered...was put in my discovery journey.

At one point of time, I suddenly got into this flurry habit of mercilessly purchasing Audio Cassettes off the shelf and growing my liking to records that were released few decades back (this too wasnt complete till I got every album in the catalogue!). It was an expensive affair and I would literally put an accounts statement to assess my pocket money collection and my spendings...obviously one side weighed heavier...but trust me, to be broke and still listen to your favourite songs is a feeling I cant describe...such pure bliss. Over a period of time, with regular surfing on the net, I discovered so many old and new bands that I almost lost count. What I also discovered was that they had been playing for the last 25 - 30 years! How could I miss it all...I thought to myself...thus began my passion for reading...e-reading at least! Whenever time and place permitted, I would dive deep into a band's history and read their entire story, reviews, run through a sample of their songs and get a feel of what it was to be in a band. What caught up was the child-like but amazing habit of air-guitaring, air-drumming and of course...head-banging.

At this point of time, my parents knew that this boy had reached the line and had crossed it quite some time back...and they had to let go. After many attempts on rules and regulations, plenty broken and bruised...they had to give up...another small triumph in a mammoth struggle. But what followed soon was my brother! At say 7 years younger...he was already seeing me as his teacher rather professor in inducting him into the ocean...and to be honest...I successfully did and shamelessly let me admit...he is now a rockstar...way ahead than my dreams and ambitions.

There have been times when my detailed budgeting experiences were seen as petty...that was when I got my first computer...it was infact a laptop...what followed suit was a flurry of exchanges and trades of music...the quantum and quality was unbelievable and in the shortest span of time in a 20 year journey...came true! So to speak, I seem to had covered the last 40 - 50 years of music that I missed and that I am living with...in the last 20 years of life. I so much look forward to whats in store...and I am glad to say that I havent missed the best yet! To be honest, the discovery is still on and to uncover lesser known bands and appreciate their music is in itself a tribute to the past that has helped shape the music of today. With the advent of MP3 and the growing power of the internet, the world now seems to be coming into one's fist. Such has been the ability to reach out to bands that do not even have a clue of their following in India (For e.g.).

Despite all the financial troubles and the ignorant surroundings and crowds, I had the pleasure of even attending the concerts of some legendary bands over the last few years on my own savings (even taking my brother along to one of them)...such was the feeling of being able to see what I dreamt of and accomplishing what I was struggling for my life. I think this is just the end of the beginning. Of all remaining efforts, one day I promise to go to the Music Festivals in Europe...and that might just be the foreseeable end to my journey...hopefully, that is not my final destination.

Music today at least to me is like any source of energy...like its the sun to the earth. And when I look back at the quantum and quality of energy I have derived so liberally, I owe my life to it. Music today is such a powerful means to convey so many things and bands of today have become more influential.

One day when my kids ask me about my music tastes and preferences to shape their own...I would tell them this story for sure (obviously that might put them to sleep) but would also encourage them to dig into the past to see what shaped the music of today...but guess what...I just did their homework.

Where art thou?

The beginning of 2004 was difficult in many aspects for me personally...but it also had a lot of hidden successes amidst visible failures which helped me revive from the abyss of emotions. In many ways, it was the sign of the best things to come...with a touch of drama, spoonful of comedy, tonnes of action and tearful tragedies with 'of course' an element of song and dance. In all these elements, there was one person among many who connected all the dots and sailed with me to help complete an intimidating journey. I firmly believe that he existed for a defined purpose and fate was what brought us all together...the same fate on seeing him accomplish what he came for, took him away from us, to let us sail on our new chapters in life.

When we joined IBA Bangalore (for my MBA) a bunch of us had delayed the hostel fees payment for which our accommodation was fixed in a place which was 5 - 6 kms away from our college. A rented apartment building where the construction was in its last stages, with zero security and a mud road leading to it. Eight flats and 32 of us holed out for a year before we had a chance to get into the campus hostel (the opportunities we saw and converted from these challenging times at that place is another story altogether which I might narrate soon in another write up)...but this is where I met the dude first and that was where it all began.

His introduction was a strange incident...we usually had a party post our MIS classes and our first was the rowdiest of all and my new found pal walks in invited and places himself on the floor in front of his glass of vodka mixed with sprite and a green chilli floating on it...he picks up the glass, gulps it in one go and thwarts the glass down and stares at us all...and then smiles because by now he was high and said "Hi, Im Sandeep from Kanjirapally, Kerala". It took us a while to gather what he said because all of them were high and stunned! I echoed out from the non-alcoholic section (with the snacks at our disposal!) "Doesn't matter...from now you will be called 'Cheta' from RPG" (Cheta meaning Brother in Malayalam and Raghunalli Paying Guest...which had other acronyms as well!!!). Thus began the saga of Cheta...(people almost forgot his real name in college from there on).

Cheta was a humble and a religious person actually...besides the mayhem of a bachelor life, he was certainly god fearing and godly at times whenever we were in trouble! He had an amazingly positive attitude and an awesome sense of humour and this kept us in peals of laughter even in our worst of moods or situations where we would be on the verge of breaking down. His sheer presence and his entry would bring the place alive and all he would do is just smile and say...'waaaaaat re!!!' He would be so sportive that it was hard to believe how he would share a laugh at a joke with him in it...he would also reply in the same humourous manner that the other person would have a better laugh.

We both were fans of rock and metal music but what got us on the same page was Pink Floyd...he and I would go completely high after listening to their songs (without smoke or booze) and he would decorate his room just to get that effect right for a Pink Floyd number. Ironically, his favourite song remains to be 'Coming back to life...'. We would sing, yell and scream the songs it at 2am or even in the afternoon...didn't matter, we were sheeps over another brick in the wall, comfortably numb in their sorrow with high hopes. He once fooled me when he narrated a malayalam song saying it was an unheard psychadelic pink floyd number...such was his humour!

He was a master in Photoshop and loved anything animated - movies, songs or cartoons. As one can see, he was indeed the most animated persons Ive ever met in my life. I wonder where the inspiration came from! A sucker for malayalam comedy movies that he would recall dialogues from each of his favourite comedy movies and mimic it to perfection! His passion for war and fantasy movies was also admirable...he would get lost in this world of his where he would critique and analyse the characters role and the plot like Roger Ebert...such was his insight! For our COSMOS quiz club, he was the creative mind behind all that took form and shape. He wasn't a part of the council but was such an integral part of our team that it didn't matter to him at all...he even worked with us for the grand event with a dislocated shoulder...such was his dedication to a friend's purpose and dream.

So much so for his lighter side, he also had a philosophical and brotherly side to his persona! He would be a saviour in tough times and lend his shoulder (even if it was a touch too high) to those who needed it. His conversations and understanding would be so amazing, that he would make you laugh or smile at the end of it all...making us feel miserable that we had to be upset about the whole situation at all! He would shoot philosophical lines out of the blue and he would take a minute to recall what he actually meant to say...his short-term-memory-loss-esque behaviour would catch people in roaring laughter. He was also a big fan of my writing and he would refuse to reply to mails because he wouldn't know how to write back! The only reply I would ever get was a big WOW...and that is something that I terribly miss these days.

Cheta and Academics were bitter enemies and best friends. He saw them as mountains to climb and also a walk in the park. The best moments would be when he would check the results and he would end up first confirming is his name wasnt in the 'failed' list...such was his selective optimism! At class, he would be in rapt attention until a question was fired to him then realization would dawn on him about the reality around. A true entertainer in and out of class and a class apart for sure. One must have been there when he would prepare for examinations...most of his books would have marks of his sweaty forehead because he must have slept over the same page he must have started on! Such a daredevil...he would have the guts to give a paper in such a preparation and still manage to scrape through in all glee and buy us all a cup of tea. Cheta's birthday celebration was probably one of the most rowdiest of all celebrations we have ever witnessed and to be honest, his sportive spirit was tested and he came out the happiest after his birthday by each and everyone in college...even those who did not know him...thats how he became even more famous!

There have been some awesome moments with the gang where we would all look at the same gal crossing the street or walking by and all of us on that moment would look at cheta and he would just say "You thinking what Im thinking?" He certainly enjoyed travelling and liked exploring new places, learning new languages in a funny way and also miss bus stops while going in buses! He couldnt run for nuts...it was tough to get him to catch a bus and not that he couldnt...just that his huge frame would only allow him to walk and that walk was one of the most distinct style I have ever seen. We termed that walking style "the manufacturing defect" (which actually wasn't). It was that trademark walk that could get us laughing even if walked say froma distance...we knew he was coming! His dancing was also a few moves but he certainly enjoyed dancing or even headbanging! I still remember every scene of our trips to the concerts in Bangalore where we witnessed legendary bands like Iron Maiden and Scorpions...certainly one of the most memorable outings in our life. Cheta was literally a rockstar in my books and will always remain to be...

I can go on and on with this and I would be glad to do so....and so would he. I know he is reading this from somewhere...but it is one of the toughest articles I have ever written...emotionally. We still e-mail him and scrap him once in a while on Orkut...and still celebrate his birthday the way he always wanted it to be...an occasion! I certainly think that the group has got stronger and the bonding has just got better...sad that his soul was the only adhesive and ultimate sacrifice to keep things alive. He would always want it to be the way it was and the way it is...He has been everyone's pillar of strength...a grand smile with a big heart for a giant!

Sometimes we tend to question God as to why do the good die young...I got my reply from a good friend of mine when my world turned upside down..."probably someone else needed him somewhere else like you guys needed him once before...don't worry...he is where he has to be." When I heard these words, I felt everything falling in place and there was another belief that he was still around somewhere. The purpose of a persons existence in our lives is actually known only when that person ceases to exist. Such was the effect when in August 2008 (on the night of friendship's day) we all spoke to him on a conference call and that was ironically his last.

Its been a year my friend...where art thou?

Random Questions - 10th Edition Special!

It might interest some as to how this section actually evolved...well, it wasnt by design but by accident. When I began my blog say almost a year back, there were too many things in my head to pen down but with no direction or a clue to begin where and how. So one fine day, I began posting these questions on notepads and even created sub-sections as a sub-blog and categorised them...until I realized, why not group them all under one solid section called 'Random' and keep them as questions...hence the title - Random Questions! The objective was not primarily to get answers but just to provide food for thought to those who breezed through them at a glance...and most questions were about anything and everything to even something to nothing.

On that note, I present to you the 10th dose of chaotic quick-fires with this edition of 'Random Questions!'

• Do certain things find you or do you need to find them?
• When human beings are not perfect, how can we practice to become perfect?
• Are people running out of ideas for reality shows by manipulating the concept of 'Truth'?
• When shit happens with us, do we flush it off or do we mumble about the sheer presence and filth it spreads?
• Why do people at the top have the least time to talk to when people below them have the most?
• Does the sky really have no line at the horizon?
• Does happiness lie in us or do we find it in others?
• Why does an act of terror take ages to even pass a conviction?
• How many phone numbers can exist when the population is increasing at a monumental rate?
• Why do we at times lose or win 'big'?
• If love happens at first sight, what happens on the second?
• Is it possible to be a legend when one is alive and even after one is dead?
• Do you believe that its never too late to do anything in life?
• Is there a hole in the sky?
• What is present at the end of all outer space?
• Do we have more than we deserve or do we desire for more than what we deserve?

Thats all for this edition's dose of frantic firing of fretting and flaming frivolous flag-posting fortunate feverish following questions! Till the next cut is delivered...be with the motion and be a little chaotic for a change...it might work!

Damnatio Memoriae

The evolution of Mankind has come of age and has always evolved at the cost of something or someone...certainly our kinds hasnt been the kindest of kinds in scripting the ages with what we now know as history. Many stories were written and many not penned...with those written also have been questioned on its authenticity and accuracy, leading us to believe that what is on paper is true forever and those who wrote it are no more. Normal beings projected as demi-gods and those who questioned the system laid to rest...this was the feeling when I came across this latin phrase which literally means "Damnation of Memory". When a Damnatio Memoria was issued, all historical references to that person were destroyed or erased and any statues or paintings of them were defaced beyond recognition forcefully so that it was impossible to even tell who they were or what they looked like (since it was such an important thing in those cultures to have people remember ones legacy).

When the word Truth comes to mind...I think of the following words - Ugly, Bare, Naked, Hurt, Lies, Hope, Eternal etc. As one can see these are not comfortable words and are a touch too heavy for anyone to deal with in their lives. Correct me if I am wrong...but we are more comfortable to keep the truth aside and deal like it wasnt there at all...the big 'White Elephant' in the room. Wonder how our history books were written...was it to please the people that something good always happened or hide what one wouldnt want to know of the past (all the same right...but its still a perspective).

The origin of this concept is again lost in eternal time and ironically (rather conveniently) has been tracked from the Roman Empire where the hunger for power and sworn secrecy gave birth to bitter foes right from the common man to any of the proclaimed Ceasers (not only Julius). Some say this was practiced to protect the sanity of the empire...according to me, it was done to hide the insanity behind any empire. Such a practice is still existing in todays world...imagine how may whistle-blowers fate are at stake or are on the edge of of a knife or with a gun to their heads. Imagine how many of them would have died with a secret held deep inside if upon revelation would have changed the course of our lives...but at what cost?

Truth has its forms and lessons that we can learn...hardest and toughest moments if strung together on a rope could swing the earth from each end fo the galaxy...such is the power. Imagine lost people, lost cities, lost secrets and lost moments...how much do we not know...how much has been deliberately hidden or ceased to exist...rather wiped out from the face of this earth. I feel that conspiracy theories have a certain origin and emerge from the need to know the unknown. Our lives have circulated amidst tweeked truth and a painted past...probably we arent ready to face the truth and bear the brunt of paying the price...which might be the heaviest yet! We sometimes refrain from our own reflections and refuse to look into the mirror and face our past...something we want to do away with at times...and I think its our own choice...which is not what I am against. What I am against is that when the same right has been in someone else's control or discretion (when things are not in our hand).

How much could we have lost, how much could we have gained...is an interesting debate which Id like to have from the readers...its a question we all would like to have a voice on. When I discovered this word on Wikipedia, I was apalled by the fact that there were so many instances of Damnatio Memoriae...every nation has a history of Damnatio Memoriae and in the age of e-world, there are lesser chances that we dont know anything...the only thing we dont know is the un-documented or un-scripted past. To give you an interesting head-start on this subject, read more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damnatio_memoriae. On this note, Id like to leave you with a few lines to mull about:

He who once lived is no more

In pages and in the minds of men

To those who rob the sun's glory

Are those who ignite the king’s fury...

The Emperor Domitian Setting out, relief from the Cancelleria, Rome, 80-90 AD. The head of Domitian, the fourth figure on the left, was recarved as a portrait of his successor Nerva after Domitian suffered damnatio memoriae. On the left hand side of the panel are images of the gods Mars and Minerva. The Emperor is followed by the goddess Roma and the genius of the Roman Senate (a personification of that body). Source - http://employees.oneonta.edu/farberas/ARTH/arth200/politics/big_man.html