The Documents of Darkness...

As I move into my second organization, there is a mandatory process which haunts me all the time for it demands me to dig into my past...a dark past. Though this is not the first time, it still brings back a lot of forgettable memories to what I am on paper compared to what I come across as a person to people. Well, some places tend accept you for what you are on paper than by willing to understanding...then for what purpose are institutions for one might ask...

Well to be honest, I wasn't great in school and college and situationally I found it difficult to cope with pressures. I was a slow learner and at snail pace, understood what was taught to me in the year what was taught to me in the previous one. For example - I was king in solving quadratic equations...but only when I was in class 9 whereas it was taught in class 7 or 8. I used to love Geometry but I only got a hold of it when I was in class 10 where it was taught in class 6! Such was my pace...the only subject that I had a hold of was Language...English, Hindi and Sanskrit. I was pretty cool in subjects like Geography and History...mostly dead subjects of what was and has beens. I thought I was bad but there were worse cases also in my class which I wish not to divulge. Strange though...my parents werent really aware of my conditions because, somehow I used to score decently and get away with it. In class, I would always be day dreaming, doodling, playing book cricket, actual cricket, crack useless adolescent jokes and be in a world of my own...everything except studying. I was even afraid to ask doubts because, the ones that I had a doubt about, would be in the previous lesson and the class is in the next lesson already! All the neglect and ignorance and lost in my own world syndrome eventually started my creative writing journey early in school which later formed my path to some sort of glory to what I am today.

But what was best about all of this was that most of the kids in school and in college dint view me like that...they understood me more than my shoddy academics and respected me for what I was but unfortunately, I wasnt able to match the same with them in terms of my performances, which was very disheartening to me. I was pretty good at having a conversation with boys, girls, juniors, seniors, teachers, professors etc. I wasnt that bad in joking and fooling around with people too...I loved the company of people and I hope it was vice versa too! I wasnt that bad in sports and games too...decent in Athletics and Cricket and I also used to be a key member of the students cabinet too!!! I was an avid quizzer and a budding poet right from my schooling days and it still continues to be my passions in life. As one can see...nothing academical so far...

As most might 'consider' by now...sorry, 'conclude' by now, is that everything besides studies excited me the most. But what one must understand that I tried my best with my academics and passed out only as an average student but a better and stronger person. All said and done, in our societies, until one is a topper or a rank holder, they would eventually be disregarded to an extent where even finding a groom or a bride becomes next to impossible. I still wonder what the spouses would do with their marksheets once they get married!!! On a lighter note, the recent IIT pass out family killings throws a darker tone compared to what simpler people can imagine to do. What I intend to state is that not all academically profecient people are no guarantors to being perfect people. We all have inconsistencies...it just depends on what aspects are we in...professionally or personally. Its a choice we all have to correct...depends on which one.

Lets bring this discussion to a more lighter vein. I mean no disrespect to all the great minds around...and I mean it. Its just an observation and a self-assuring stand that Im certainly not the only one thinking on these lines. Our Indian Society has been built on a premises that people with low academic achievements are doomed to no end and this according to me is a grave assumption. I saw my inefficiency as a blessing and as a sign of a hidden talent in me to which I had to discover just like discovering an alter ego...and this was the origin of my pseudonym - 'darkknight' This was an interesting journey and I will not delve in detail in this piece. One of my write ups titled "A decade of writing" can shed more light if one needs to know more. What I am trying to convey is that if one door is closed in one's life...there is always another door in the dark that needs to be searched for and which needs to be open to let the light in and let others know that there is always a way out and there is always light at the end of darkness. (Phew...that was a long construct!)

On conclusion, we always tend to think in a way which puts us in an awkward situation which where we consider 'what woud others think of us' and 'what would they think if we did this', 'if we did this, did that' et al. But what I have learnt now and more assuringly after the recent documentation submission in my new organization is that one must be aware of not only ones surroundings but also with ones own beliefs and perspectives. Once that stage is attained, marksheets of the past which one might have considered the documents of darkness...will fade away into light and bring out the best in us. Believe me, it isnt a pleasant past, but surely a bright future...

People respect you for what you are and what you have achieved. This can be on paper and can be on performance. What is performed sometimes is captured on paper...sometimes it is captured on character. The latter takes a longer time to discover but eventually lasts forever...