Are Marriages Nuptial or Gordian?

Off late my email inbox has been carrying at least 3 wedding invitations each week and i expect this to continue till May 2009...and this is a storm of marriages of my friends all over India and some who return from overseas to tie the knot as well. Let me give you all a typical shade of what it is to be like the invitees and the people who invite. Any wedding in the city is governed by something called "muhurtam" which is the most auspicious time of the year when one can tie the knot. This is the crux of all the planning and execution for a perfect wedding. And mind you...the whole city is planning for the same onslaught...its mind boggling but this is organized chaos at its best!

Let me take the city I live in as a scenario and give you a taste of what is it when I say its raining marriages! In Chennai, getting a hall is a mighty challenge and is like a literal manhunt to any side of the family. So all of this is planned when the engagement takes place and instead of doing first things first, the hall is planned and decided for. Once all of that is done, the shopping spree begins and all of the hoopla follows. Family, relatives, neighbours, friends and foes...all have to be informed of the event of the lifetimes and this is in these days done through phone calls and e-mails...yeah, gone are the days of door to door invites. In the name of cost cutting we have E-Cards to the entire population and a small PS stating...'please consider this as a personal invitation'.

Problems multiply when you end up marrying a girl / guy from a different background (State/caste/religion) about whose style and where it is to take place. Ill leave that decision and discussion open to those who like an ideal setting. Besides that, in days of recession, some like it to see it in 2 ways...keeping it simple and the other is to just celebrate like its no one business. And by this, the costs are governed and so do the arrangements thereon.

Let me zap to the moments before the wedding...jittery feelings of the groom or the bride before the week of the wedding...from 'What have we forgotten' to 'Whom all have we forgotten' and all the noise that follows. All of this is such a scene to watch especially when you are the relative or the friend just giving company to the protagonists in the tale. Sometimes we end up laughing being the audience or really worked up being the person behind the scenes ensuring that alls in place...thats when sometimes sweat and tears roll down...and thats when we think, its all worth it at the end of it all.

Now to the invitees...well, what can I say, if you have friends from all over the place and you want to ensure that no one misses the moment. Sometimes the groom and bride take charge and send reminders but hey, its becoming too corporate these days with a lot of delegation to closest of friends to spread the word and make the arrangements. Thats what I call, 'Best Practices'. Friends of mine have had check lists and people responsible for each item or event and hell they make sure nothing falters...such is the ability to track and check progress. In these events, money is not seen as an excuse...results do.

Day of the wedding...or should I say, night of the reception? A new trend of having the reception prior to the day of the wedding is something that has baffled and amazed me a little. Most do it for convenience but totally defeat the meaning and purpose of the event...but hell...it helps friends like me who just cannot plan time on weekdays to spend a few hours with good old friends forwishing them well...coz we are at our boss's mercy and we only seem it possible to find a saturday or a sunday the best time to step out for events. When will we learn to spend weekdays cheerfully and find a way out from our cubicle and glass buildings?

Anyways, to the point back again...out of necessity and lack of availibility, wedding halls end up in the corners of the city and even in towns that have once in a lifetime accessibility. But hey, whos asking coz its my best friends wedding!!! These weddings does give us a chance to tell us that there are places beyond the city that are worth venturing to having a city-free wedding...who knows...probables and next in line like me are in the mindful search for halls and venues! Doubts of to take the bus or ur own vehicle is another doldrum which might push our departure by 30 mins and this is another contributing factor to weddings looking like a literal excursion. Next comes the gift...last minute purchases, for oneself or for the gang...collecting the funds from them is another hilarious story by itself, but selecting from a gamut of necessaries to disposable is another task. But I'll leave that again to the imagination to those who are reading this and preparing themselves to get a gift for another weekend wedding.

The journey to the wedding venue is the next best part. This is when I see the whole city in their best and filling all possible transport modes to find their ways to their venues...and this is when organized chaos is at its best. Imagine the whole city just mishing and moshing on normal streets that you would find speechless on a normal day...buses and cars snaking their ways through immovable and careless publich wanting to stomp their dominance on the roads by feet! Blood, Sweat & Tears...yes, most travelling couples with kids and relatives end up doing mid way in traffic filled streets and small lanes trying to find their ways in a newly found part of the city they thought that didn't exist. All in all...a mini stock market scenario in the pre-computerised days. The routes are all color studded and jewel shining with all people emptying their lockers for this one day and another to tell the co-passenger that we too are on our way to a wedding!

At the venue now...Relatives, friends, foes and finally the bride and the groom...young souls and the veteran champs donning the floor with style and panache inviting the looks of envy and gossip. The aroma of the scents of every possible brand is in the air and is inviting an encounter of sorts. Meeting people whom we havent met in dogs years and meeting people whom we have tried to evade in the last decade or so...man! This all counts to what is an event filled evening. The blaring music is another distraction that blasts the speakers to dust. Sometimes it can be use to let people scream on the top of their vocal chords and let them know that they were still inaudible and to some as a reason to just say what you want to say without any restrictions...the music better not stop at this moment! Dancing with anyone on the floor and holding anyones hand...its a lot of fun. Posing for the cameras on stage trying to beat the likes of the groom and the bride, taking a trip of the most overly dressed character to the most lost out nerds to the love struck bride and groom...all of it counts and all of it is a lot of fun.

The food is next on my menu...and I mean it. Its a menu 2 pages long and most times we have it on the leaf or its the buffet...and this is where the cameramen are their bantering best! Capturing moments of kids, grown ups and the youth at dinner is just one of the best places to do so...and I will yet again leave this subject here to the imagintion of those who have been caught what they like doing best...enjoying every variety of dishes whole heartedly...nothing wrong right? And then the dessert and the 'Paan' moments...remniscing on the past and wishful future, discussing on the economy and the current recession, gathering contacts, exchanging numbers, greetings, hugs and then the bugs. After all of this is over, the final goodbyes and farewells with those whom we have met first, met after ages, didnt want to meet and those whom we want to meet again. All the sights and sounds and many things to look forward to, new friendships and new likings..all of this is part of the deal when one wishes to attend an Indian Wedding.

All of this counts and its all a lot of fun and worth all the pain I narrated...the best form of organized chaos and family bonding and friendly affairs. Post mid-January is the best time to get married and as I type this, I have another invite knocking my mailbox and this is in Lucknow...well...will it be worth it? To answer this, we can see the same event of any marriage in two ways - is it about tying the blissful nuptial knot or is it about untying the ever mystic gordian knot? If its either...then you must have got your answer by now...