It was exactly 12 years ago in Chennai, when I saw my Mom and Dad lose their home...in a distress sale, even before they could fully own it. For them it was a dream that came crashing down...by the hands of their own kith and kin...with that fall, for me it was a beginning of a new dream...rather, a new purpose and aim in life. Despite being downhill for all of us from there, we moved on from our past and set out to reclaim what was rightfully ours...but with a newer sense of hope. We literally moved form one neighborhood to another in those 12 years and my struggle continued in a search for my identity and a path that would get me to what I thought was a rightful reply to all those who gave us that hell.
My concerns were bigger...being an average student and the underdog that I was all the time, getting into the creme-de-la-creme was ruled out. My other activities like sports, social service, quizzing, poetry etc was not going to get me anywhere financially or economically for my family. So, I ended up taking what came my way...my B.Com in correspondence was an uneventful blot in my life...dreams of going to a good college was pushed under the carpet and I think and hope this made me stronger and self driven (what one can say to keep their souls intact!). At that point in time, I had idea how I could pursue a future in repute as being a part of the correspondence brigade in this societal perspective was taboo...but I kept moving on.
Dad's job wasn't stable and many of his friends and relatives kept the engines and wheels moving at home...it wasn't my style of dealing with problems...but I had to agree and move on. Small achievements and recognitions paved my way but it dint seem like a big deal at all at home...they smiled and moved on...so did I. The third year of my course saw my institute close down, us being labelled as the last batch...so then came another question mark being thrown at me...I moved on to a smaller tutor classes and still fought on...on my own. And in 2004, after three years of tumultuous penning and bus journeys with relentless struggles, stooped shoulders, dropping chin...I graduated (without arrears in correspondence!) touching 60%...well nothing to be proud of that number...but something I was happy with because the fight was mine...and I dint go down.
The Averageness in me carried forward to my Post Graduation days...struggling for that relative grading in my CAT / MAT / XAT entrance exams...making me feel worthless. All the proclaimed genius buds that would attend classes, scribble notes, answer questions etc...would literally make me feel like a foot-soldier...I moved on, fought on...no peers at home who could hand-hold or speak to. But then it happened...got a call from an institute which recognized my XAT score and then...the fight was worth it...the scanty ranking dint make me proud...but I had overcome my past and moved on to fight another battle...(non AICTE institute is another taboo in our societal behavior)
This was another shark pool altogether...and I had to dig down deep to find a new upgraded version of myself. This time the stakes were higher and it was not going to be easy at all. Firstly my father's support system let him down...all kith and kin refused to finance my studies except for my mom's relatives who came forward with a generous offering...I firmly believe that help will come when you need it the most from the people who matter the most...another lesson for all at home. And this gave me the energy to move on and fight my new battles for 2 years in Bangalore...it had it all - from prophesying professors, testing papers, enigmatic characters, fumbled administration to diabolical people and twisted motives intertwined with beautiful moments, great friends, new dreams, painful birthdays, new behaviors, spirited discoveries and tragic comedies.
In 2006, after many thought (including myself) it wasn't heading anywhere...I graduated again...this time on, the grade wasn't something I was both proud and happy, but I knew I would get the job I wanted the most...and I got it. Despite hypes and hooplas of fellow batch-mates of some companies picking graded folks and smart cookies...I decided to shun the placement office away and with a help of a good friend, got a lead which I could then pursue. It was after they declared me the 2nd person to get a call-sheet and the second last to leave the campus...that was the best the placement committee could get...that's why I fight my own battles, in my own way...and after getting bruised and battered physically and mentally, I fought on and moved on to better stories to tell.
My first job in 2006 was in a firm that offered me all the slices of the pie in my domain. This meant all my batchmates were just having one of the slices. To me, this was one of those small victories...though it had its own down-side - not the greatest of pay for sure...but then I decided to move on and keep fighting. My bosses had a hard time chipping away the rough edges, picking my brains, testing my temperament and mould me to the man I am today...the sum of all experiences. So did my next job in 2009 and my current which I joined in 2011. All in all 7 years of pursuing what I like the most. I dare ask how many are doing theirs...which brings me back to the first line with which I began this blog with...
In 2010 I got married to a very smart, independent and driven young woman I had ever met before. Nothing in our likes matched...we are polar opposites and she's more educated and learned than me. Just like when I needed help the most in my ultimate dream, she walked into my life and partnered in helping me seek that dream...in 2013 after almost 2 years of planning (of all sorts), we eyed a place in Chennai which we thought would be our abode...well, let me not hide the struggle here...my dad and mom would just not agree or would keep shifting my focus to other areas. While we were actively touring the city inside out, my dad would still be watching matches and my mom would still be cooking and my brother would strum his guitar.
And by the power vested in us, both me and my wife moved on and kept fightign whatever negativity or objection that came in our path. Little was the support and motivation as usual and it only made me stronger and made me want to earn it. I agree that there have been points where my dad has helped me in tough times, but those were battles where I dint ask help for and it came my way...in other words, I dint earn it.
With the limited power of funds and the unlimited supply of will and self-drive, we moved in to our new apartment...everyone (friends, family, colleagues) around us was over the moon and were happy for us...something I hadn't seen in more than a decade...some even commenting great about the choice of area, some even complimenting genuinely that it was commendable to do something like this at that age...(I was 30 when all of this transpired) and some of them felt that it was poetic justice that was served when the same kith and kin were present when they saw it unfold in their eyes. Sad part was in all these 12 years, my dad was not confident of this silent battle that I was fighting for 12 years and it took other folks around him to convince him that I had taken the right decision. For me it was a dream come true, it was more than a decade worth of blood, sweat and tears....but then I moved on and had to fight another day...this time I have my loving wife to give me company as we took our promises at our wedding 3 years back, it continues to hold true and deep. If it wasn't for her determination, drive and dream, I wouldn't have made this far...and this dream wouldn't have been fulfilled. When you need it the most, you get all the help you need...and she was god-sent.
We are away from the main city and now travel double the distance, find alternatives and seek other means, save a lot more in all aspects...something we were mentally prepared to do...a new kind of battle was beginning and I was already on my way. Some are still coming to terms and appreciate as to how I made it without any dependance, borrowing or sympathy...they will never get the answers...and Ill always keep it to myself. One has to simply undergo this journey and experience it...despite knowing what their destination is...it is the path that matters, it is the beating that you take and still making it to your feet and keep fighting that matters. That's the spirit I always live by...I know my brother has just stepped into such a journey...and I wish him well.
I am standing now...ready for another fight, for I may have won the battle thus far...but this war is far from over!
(pic source - http://guillaumgibault.deviantart.com/art/Bruce-Lee-200377861?q=boost%3Apopular+bruce+lee&qo=75)
