Darkknight

Nail the Enigma...Ei8!

2010-03-18T11:13:00.003+05:30

In this enduring series of poetic enigma...here is the 8th random piece of mind!

Is this the end of it all...without the start?
Are there no words for me...with that silence?
Do I have to try your patience...with violence
Or does it take the rains to wipe your tears away?

Describe the picture with any parallel story on this one and let me know your views...till the next cut is delivered...

Womb to Tomb...

2010-03-18T11:12:00.058+05:30

Sometimes I defy writing any sort of philosophy in my blog but the only places I dwell is in birth, life and death...the journey. A few weeks back, the entire journey unfolded in front of my eyes and I had to pen it down...to feel better and to learn what was in store in this uncertain but certain future. So here is my take on what I believe what we are and what we end up being...

We cry, yell, groan and finally smile when we are born...mothers who see that pain as pleasure that is certainly unforgivable. We are born naked...physically, mentally and emotionally. Wrapped and polished for the world to witness another sucker! We want everything we see, we seek, we hunger and thirst for from that moment on...and no one to stop us. We seem to think that we own what hits our sights or hearts or minds...accumulation of both the tangible and intangible then becomes our next quest in life...

Seldom do we put into use what we have gathered...but collection then becomes the order of the day...now comes the crucial thinking point...what are we collecting and what is worth collecting? In India, the quest for wealth (if you are born middle class) or the quest to survive (if you are born in the Below Poverty Line) take charge of our priorities and then all the mayhem begins...societal terms and conditions apply and we then condition to think on those terms and lose our own self in all this madness...it is here where our downfall begins...mistake me not!

We gather but do we bother to give? We take but do we bother to share? All the things in life we learn...but do they teach us how to prepare for our ends to where we go and how we go? Is there something we can establish that says...when we die...we die alone with nothing in our hands except for memories and blessings with our last breath.

My grandfathers sister who stayed with us for more than a year spent her last few weeks bed-ridden...writhing in pain and waiting for her end...a religious woman herself, all she could do was to wait for her calling...and one day it came. But her last few days and her last few words taught me a lot of things in life...and it changed my perspective completely of what we are and what we must be, before we meet our maker.

I gather wealth for survival and not for splurging...I gather knowledge to share and not to hold back from the coming generation...I love music as we are born with the most rhythmic beating of the heart...I write for the world to know of what I am and will be even after when I'm gone...I will love and spread the message of peace and love to everyone around...I don't want to die a hated soul. I learn to laugh than just collecting jokes...and I will not harm or hurt anyone here on...I may have done that in my past...intentionally or unintentionally...herewith not.

I do live in remorse and regret but I have certainly made amends and reduced those heart-burns and heartbreaks and heartaches. I have confessed, apologized, admitted etc...and I feel lighter now...my soul is ready to fly for sure. But a lot needs to be done...in this materialistic society. Intrinsic joy is the current pursuit and I am doing what my heart tells me to...my mind will be my guide...but I will do as my heart tells me. It might sound cliched or corny...but who cares? it is me...my choices that determine who I am and what will I be...it is what I do than what I say or write...

Everyone of us will meet our ends...its the journey that matters that will lead us to our ends. Its a choice we all can make...there is still time, there is still hope to all those who feel defeated and done and dusted with. When I heard those last words from that dying soul...all that mattered to me was that feeling of be happy and keep others around you happy. All that I had collected or amassed turned to dust in that moment of truth...that moment call life...death rather!

I hope my rejuvenated journey will take me to my destination...there is no map...but there is a way...the road less taken...I will one day...after it is time...when all is said and done. I will take my characterful soul with me someday...that has defined me thus far...into another world...empty handed but heart filled...I hope that after I'm gone...I am remembered in good spirits...Cheers!

Lecture at Loyola!

2010-03-18T11:12:00.029+05:30

There are times in ones life that disbelief and amusement go hand in hand...moreover, the fact that we are called to demonstrate in what we specialize...not knowing how good we actually are, is a good example! Such a thing dawned on me recently and it was one of those moments where I couldn't stop smiling whenever I thought about it...before the curtain raiser and after the curtain's fall...

A mundane day at the office was shaken by reality that hit me the hardest...dint pain though, got me laughing! All I hoped, that it wasn't a gag...and it wasn't! A call from an unknown number and I was apprehensive that it must be from a damned credit card ad or a ringer tune offering...it was none! This gentleman takes time to introduce himself and the purpose of the call and Im listening...I say just one thing in the entire call...Yes Sure! That's just 10% of the call and the agreement is made...a guest lecture on Creative Writing at Loyola College...audience...final year English literature students from both the bachelors and masters course!

A back-bencher, a rebel and an average studious guy, hated lectures...did it all! Ridiculed professors, cross talking, arguments, bunking, delayed submissions and of all the people, I had been invited as a guest speaker on Creative Writing! It was at that moment I believed in...This is Life! And it was happening...

Next was to prepare for the battle! Students, crowd, young guns, boo's, cynics, distractions et all! My mind was racing in all directions to decide on how to deal with this upcoming debut and it was then I decided to prepare it from a students perspective itself wrapped up with a story of my journey in writing! It was then I reminded of how theories and books dint actually help when I was in college...it still wasn't helping today's generation because we always wanted the real deal...and I was going to give it to them!

How do I dress up? Permission from Office? Announcement to friends and family? Photos and notes? What do I speak? Whom do I refer? blah blah...so may questions! Never knew speaking was so tough...but what the hell! I was to speak on my passion for creative writing...so why fear? That was how I overcame my fears and made my presentation ready!

D-Day...10th March 2010 and the hour nears and I'm all dressed up for the occasion and Boss is happy to give me permission! Friends and colleagues pour in their wishes and calls to wish me well and i set out on a hot summer day on my way to the college! Reach there just in time...damn traffic! I arrive at the scene and Im shown the way to the hall and boy...there was some crowd! A session was in progress and questions galore on journalism as a career...but my mind was elsewhere!

I meet my co-guest speaker...an accomplished poetess Sharanya Manivannan and shes prepared as well...cool as a cucumber! I'm huffing, puffing, racing heart beats...it was all about to come crashing down! The session introduction is done by the host and we are introduced by our profile sheets...mine obviously been beaten to death by Sharanya's profile! Well...not a good start but nevertheless...scope for improvement!

Sharanya delves into her area of writing passion and moments and Im all awed about her nitty gritty details and so was the crowd...dumbstruck, the crowd applauded her effort and fired a few questions which she dealt with panache and style...smooth as silk. Next on stage...yours truly!

And then it finally began...lights off and the monitor flashes with the title and the slides...I felt like a completely different person on stage than what I was off-stage and it worked! The alter ego funda worked and it was blockbuster! As it continued from slide to slide, it became a dialogue and a story telling session and I could certainly see an engrossed audience...and that pumped me even more! The entire lecture went in full flow and my only message was to inspire and pushing people to write...anything newly written is creative! Mentioned my inspirations and credited my heroes and mentors who helped me get this far...the applause followed and it was music to the ears...it was only then that i realized that it was close to 45 minutes of speaking...a bottle of water to fittingly quench my thirst!

The Q&A session was interesting and was probably the coolest part of it all! That extended to almost another 30 minutes or so and it was just pure fun to answer all sorts of questions ...from personal, tragic, fun, inspirational to instances of truth and dare etc...got a few damsel eyes staring at me as well..it had it all! All inclusive...it was a splendid moment and was worth looking back as a revelation and a turning point for me to say the least! Thanking everyone and urging all to write no matter what comes through in life...picking each moment in life but telling not the obvious...to write with the twists of thought and emotion...

I did receive a memento as a sign of thanks and it was an honor to even be on stage and tell people about my passion for writing...my creative side of life had indeed come full circle and i felt at the top of Maslow's Motivational Theory's Triangle...I'm glad I wasn't booed or thrown rotten eggs at or even criticized...I was certainly humbled by the open audience and the applause was a perfect climax.

For me, it was a 'rockstar' moment in life thus far and for those about to write...I salute you!

Nail the Enigma...Se7en!

2010-02-23T23:59:00.009+05:30

After a short passage of time, here is another slight return to form...see if you can crack this one!

A barren desert with circling flames
The nomadic heart that beats a lone rhythm
An empty paper with a story to tell
A temple of gods, with no priest to bell...

See if you can stretch your imagination on this one and let me know if you could nail this enigma!

Till the next cut is delivered, happy reading and happy decoding...

Veni, vidi and 12 years to vici...

2010-02-09T20:45:00.038+05:30

"Poetry Doesn't Sell"

"Sorry we cant publish your works"

"Its not a lucrative business opportunity"

"It wouldn't work out...we don't sell poetry"

Ive heard it all...on the phone, through letters, through e-mails and on my face...and February is when I drove those demons back to their graves and buried them forever. After persisting and persevering for over 12 years...a dream has come true and will be cherished forever...no matter how small the piece or presence looks in the entire picture...it doesn't matter. This is just the beginning...

Some might think that I might be going overboard with this story...but one shouldn't hide away from the truth...Im laying it bare as is to what the voices in my past have filled my mind and heart with. These are the voices that drove me to bounce back higher and forced them to eat their words. I have never felt so victorious in my entire life than at this moment...what seemed impossible and far-fetched is now tangible and true.

This dream took 12 years to come true (much less than some more deserving poets from pillar to post) and it took much more than I expected from me and I became a better and a stronger person. Good things don't come easy..and this wasn't easy...but at the end...it was the best of things to have ever happened. But the dream took 2 years to come to life after the actual 10 year wait...at that moment it seemed like so near but yet too far. The last mile was painful and miserable, but light at the end of the tunnel...

All credit goes to the team at Prakriti Foundation...but my first thanks in this pursuit would go to Dr. Lakshmi Ravikant who helped me get in touch with them and it was only then that things began to change...began to move...the wheels of fortune began to roll.

The 2007 Poetry with Prakriti Festival was my first gateway to this dream and this was a memorable experience. In 2008, after the first festival got over, the second edition was a promising event and got a lot more response and fervor in the circle and then the announcement was made...an anthology of all the poets with their select works to celebrate its success of the poets and the art of poetry. This was my moment of truth...but this would then take its own twists and turns for 2 long years and taught me the virtue of patience and persistence...

In February 22nd, 2010...the warm applause faded away into an evening that sounded the horns of victory. I sit in my chair and a memory of the last 12 years of my writing rushes through me in images...the founder comes to the podium and reads the introduction a warm applause follows. he then requests each poet to read out their works to showcase them to the press and the public. My turn comes and it takes me a moment to reach there and a deep breath to gather my words...

The book is in my hands and my name and works is in that book...with an ISBN (my first ever)...Poetry with Prakriti 2007 - 2008 is the title...and its pages are fragrant. Amidst some wonderful and awesomely talented poets from all over the country, my name is in that crowd somewhere. I was there...after 12 years or relentless and persistent affair with the art and now it had come boiling down to this glorious moment...and I was soaking in it. The bruises and the scars of the past were now washed away and it felt like a dip in the Holy Ganges...a rebirth.

My turn comes and my speech begins..."this is my first ever publishing effort...with an ISBN and Id like to thank everyone who made it possible...its an amazing feeling to be published along with some awesome poets from all over the country...its an honor. Its taken 12 years but its been worth every effort and drop of blood, sweat and tears. So here I am and a special thanks to my friends who made it to the evening. The poem Im about to recite is dedicated to a friend of mine who was one of my best fans and the silent critics Ive ever had...he'd be scared to even say a word but his silence was my best answer...hes no more now and the poem I'm about to recite was on his favorite themes of Pirates and Adventures...this is dedicated to him. This one is called 'Pirate I am, Aye!'

After moments passed, a drop of tear and a emotional performance...a warm but loud applause from a senior and well-read crowd gave me a feeling that could have never been better. My dad was present and was probably one of his moments of silence but filled with thrill and joy...it was written all over his face and he knew it! Thanked my class teacher and my muse to have got me this far and it was then that I had a breath of relief...that the battle had drawn to a close...victory it was and it tasted sweet.

But somehow, this felt the end of the beginning of the war...more fuel now was added to the fire and a battle cry now turned into a well planned journey. With many more dreams in its cradle, this has now become a journey with a broader perspective and a larger goal. The first battle took 12 years for sure...but the war is far from over...and the darkknight is now looking forward to it.

Dear Meera...if you are reading this, thanks a lot for everything! :)

(Tommie Smith and John Carlos give the Black Power salute at the 1968 Olympics)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1968_Olympics_Black_Power_Salute

My Bloody Valentine!

2010-02-08T14:31:00.025+05:30

In the spirit of February being the month of the romantics, I had to pen this true story down. Though we all have our past stories and tales...those that worked and those that didn't, it was probably the most silliest thing that I had ever done. But at the end of it all, it made me feel strong...it made me feel humble, but most importantly, it made me feel that I was in love...such was the plan...such was the story.

At this juncture, I don't remember the day or month but I do remember the year...it was the summer of 2001-02 and I was in my 1st year of B.Com and we had just returned from our District Meet. We made a lot of friends and one mighty impression that wasn't easy to build at that given time. It was in that same Meet in Vizag that I met a very special person for whom...in a very long time I had my heart beating a little faster and deeper. At each others sight, we knew there was something going on, but as lore would rightly play it...she refused to acknowledge it and a scene without dialogues began...nothing was spoken...but a lot was conveyed.

While returning from that trip...I spoke to no one thinking she might never talk to me ever (it didn't happen before that at all). But before we got to our last station...a voice caught my attention and I almost fell to my knees when I turned around to see who it was...it was her. The only thing she asked was for my number and if it was alright to stay in touch (all of us were exchanging numbers because the whole gang was splitting after a 4 day festival). What could have I asked for at that given moment! And we exchanged numbers and stayed in touch...once in a while...Time flowed and due to her restrictions at home, we could only meet in such forums and we did have those eyes and smiles go around and I was in a completely different world of my own.

This time, her college were invited to our institution for an initiative that we were hosting and they agreed. I was completely unaware of this because our seniors were the organizers...so we were just coordinating and helping around. It was a 'Blood Donation Camp' and one of the most faithful and sincere events. I was walking around thinking that I could never donate blood...and I had never done it in my entire life...I was walking around faking that I was sick or that I had recovered from an illness and what not! I also managed to say that I was an alcoholic or an addict. But on that very day, all of it changed...

Guess who came to camp? It was her and she waltzed in like she was dancing on her heels...Oh...that scene! What an entry and my faking turned to freaking! In my heart...the blood pumped faster than I could have imagined...what a moment! She walks in and greets the gang and still hasnt spoken a word or a 'hi' to me yet...I wait for her to near and then it all begins..."So are you donating as well" she popped up the question I was supposed to ask...and within half a second...I replied..."Of Course" and she gave that smile which ringed out loud 'Wow Im impressed and so brave of you!'. Now I was thinking...where did that come from and many of my friends were a little shocked and turned to me (indicating...we will catch up after the event is done and dealt with).

So I walk into the donation room and have a word with the nurse to just check how painful and what not does it feel like when the process happens (all this when she is just about to walk into the room) and the nurse ensures me that its all going to be just fine...somewhere I felt, it wasn't going to be so...

After certain basic questions and tests, I lie on the bed ready to show my veins and before I can notice or prepare the brave look, a drenched cotton bud is on my hands and then the needle shoots through (and it was now that I felt like a first time addict) as the pain kinda got me off guard...she wasn't near the window thankfully...after 5 seconds or so...I saw my life flow out of that tube...it was my blood and it was being taken away! What was I doing???

As minutes passed, I felt a little drowsy and it was then that she waltzed across the window...to see me and my bloody act of courage. It was in that moment, that I had to shoo away my drudgery and show a brave face and a smile to just say...'I'm alright' (which I wasn't)! She looked me in the eye and I felt that I could just keep looking...it was at this moment, the nurse interrupted saying that I had donated enough for the first time! Somehow this fell on her ears and she got hold of it...what now!

I stepped out of the bed and I almost fainted...no one but the nurse saw this (now that you've read this confession) and she was a very kind soul who brought me back on my feet and handed me a box of refreshments and gave a big thanks. In my act of nobility, I did not know how to react and I walked out being a hero and she was there...waiting for me. I held my left hand vein where the needle had its sip and pretending to be a touch painful than usual and she asked if I was ok...oh that question made me feel so better! I said I was fine...but wasn't still but that was ok. She was indeed happy and we had a nice laughter and talk about it and all of that...don't know if she had noticed that by now I was totally in love with her...

She left with no grand promises or anything of that sort that day and my friends had a rowdy time with that incident on that day...but it was all worth it. It takes gutsy efforts and a little bloodshed to seek what you love and this case was quite literal for me...but probably the most bloody romantic moment in my entire life (besides many other attempts). Guess its a part and parcel of life...mistakes and choices that we make and take, makes us who we are doesn't it! And after that day, I have not donated my blood at all...the fear still prevails but the memory still remains...

As for her, shes now happily married an settled elsewhere (with someone else obviously)...but we did share this moment and many more in light conversations...acknowledging each others feelings...but a bit too late for that all.

But to look back and see all of this come to perspective, isn't it true that we do a lot of foolish things when we are in love,coz only fools rush in...don't they! It made me stronger...though the story ended a few years of trials and tribulations...many such things happened after that with many other stories...but this was probably one of the most memorable or perhaps my bloody valentine...

Nail the Enigma - Si6

2010-01-25T11:11:00.006+05:30

A new decade has arrived and so has this Darkknight's era of poetry!

After resounding responses to the previous series, I have decided to extend this section beyond testing waters...so here comes...Nail the Enigma...Si6! Lets see if you can unlock the sixth mystery!

Failing balance spilling me in every direction,
A splitting head like a friction set fire
A rampaging river from the temples above,
Rising mercury signaling the need for love.

See if you can rattle this one up and let me know what you think...no restrictions, no boundaries!

To hold on...try letting go!

2010-01-21T20:49:00.013+05:30

A hug can be a sign of love and compassion...but the more you begin to hold on and squeeze and show the next degree of passion, one begins to lose breath. The worse may happen when one may choke and gasp for breath...that's when we realize that you were closer to death than life! This could be at any abstract level and at any level in life and with any relationship one may be in.

A recent incident which I was witnessing between two important people in my life and many instances of many people in and around me...including myself...led me to this conclusion (in MBA jargon...I have done my primary research) that...to hold on, one must at times...let go! You might have come across this quote in some forwarded chain e-mail or a cheesy romantic poster in a gift shop or a greeting card outlet (which is in its dying stages) and dusted it off your shoulder like a bygone cliche.

However cliched I might sound in preaching this quote, I somehow realized that whoever penned that line, did have to go through something or someone in life to actually come up with something of that sort! I also realized that at times, its not only got to do with lovers...but relationships at any angle, level or distance. That's when it stuck me that the same feelings that I have gone through in my past and what all I did to gasp for breath or give the other person a chance to breathe!

Most of us hold reasons citing insecurity or doubt or just pure jealousy or what not! At the end of the deal, until things aren't written on paper or confirmed by oath, nothing can be sure of (Im not debating on that at all here!). But problems when all is said and done...when the unknown becomes the known and the basis of the relationship becomes mundane and predictable. Do we still cling on to our old hopes and fascinations or do we let our love blossom in the freedom of space?

At times, we refuse or argue with our loved ones on taking their chosen paths of their dreams or the risks they have been preparing for ages just because the outcome may hurt them...but for them that pain is not the gain as an ultimate outcome...it is to do what they always wanted to do. What we see as pain for them is a superficial and a scratch on the surface...there is always something deeper and if we tend to appreciate and encourage that, we will eventually lift their spirits and tend to pull them to ourselves and not push them away...which is where my point of hugging and not letting go because they might not come back is all but a belief which can be easily dismantled. No one likes being suffocated...a warm mild hug or wrap around is much comforting that that bear-grip...which might dig deep, hold veins, clot blood and rush a breath or even quicken a beat...

Whatever said and done, wouldn't we feel closer to those who knew our freedom and our choices and let us be but still be in open arms whenever we needed it? If Im asking too much...well, what can I do but hope for the best person to come across then! When kids feel the same as I do, why not when we all grow up to what we become and the values that we begin to follow? Who are we to govern others choices and draw the line for 'them' when they know where to draw their own?

Simple, if we have to live in harmony or in whatever cheesy or corny or cliched term it might sound like, wouldn't we want to live free? Wouldn't we want to do what we feel like...keeping the line of sanity in mind and still return to our havens when we please? I might sound selfish or even judgmental or questionable...but isn't it a thought worth pondering over? Imagine if were holding on to a rope to keep yourself from falling but you feel that same rope slowly slither to your neck, wrapping itself around...the same rope that you held on to your dear life is now the noose calling you to its realm of doom...Im presenting this scene to both the 'ropee' and the 'ropester'! (Ah...the pleasure of poetic license!).

Well, being human, I wouldn't proclaim myself to be able to let go to just hold on...I would have my reservations and evaluate if the risk was worth taking or let the other half decide what was best...ultimately it works mutually and it takes time and effort to reach that level. Simple...it all starts with a conversation...honest and two-way...listening and talking! Sounds so basic and simple...at times which we fail to do this much! Ive seen it happen with my family, friends and foes...all around me! It pains me to see someone unable to chase their dreams just because someone else felt or said that it was too much of a risk or it wasn't worth it at all!

Well, I am writing this today because I have defied statements that have been the noose to me and embraced those who were willing to lift me to a higher plane. Its simple and straight...that to be loved and love, one has to just let go to hold on to what we treasure and label as the most special person.

And since we are mere mortals, please ensure that you do not over-preach and let go that you lose sight...not too far that you run out of the thread to lose your grip on the flamboyant kite that in freedom steers in the skies.

Let it fly...and see it smile in the skies where it belongs. It will return at sunset as long the thread is in your hands and if you've let it fly and let it touch the skies and even race with the birds and have a little chat with the passing sun...

Sometimes I feel like...'Super-Man'

2010-01-12T11:17:00.022+05:30

All fans and non-fans might know certain facts about Superman...impossible as they may seem but nevertheless interesting! As one may know, certain super-hero characteristics are derived from basic human abilities and positioned as a super powers to such characters. So what makes me feel like Superman? Read on to know more...

It all began in my school days when I was in Delhi...when I discovered what winters actually were like. Each time in class, when the breaks would arrive, despite the woolens we wore, the guys used to rush out with a war cry which went like "chal dhoop sekte hai yaar"...which literaly means lets soak in the sun friends! At that point of time, coming from Chennai, the best thing to have ever happened to me was the winter (because as one might know, we have 4 summers and the occasional monsoon). The boy who ran away from the sun and at times got baked and cooked up in the sun, was now a fan of the sun...how?

To those who have experienced the legendary Delhi winters wouldn't agree any further...especially when an invisible foggy morning engulfs the entire city and one can actually feel like a walk in the clouds. But what rescues that moment is the invasion of light...the emergence of the sun! In the winters, what gives relief in such a bone chilling moment is indeed...the sun! The sight of light in itself gives the eye a much needed break from darkness and gloom!

But the best part was when the suns rays would just easily caress the frozen and broken skin giving hope to a goose-bumping moment that would arouse even a dead hope...almost erotic! A massage to be quite honest when the muscles and the mind relaxes at such a moment...I didnt feel any better before and this to me was quite a revelation as time passed by! The power of the sun is indeed beyond ones imagination and so can it actually touch us all in such critical moments! To me, it did...

Moments in school with the sunshine during the winters just became an occasion for everyone in the class to exchange a funny moment or two and the entire school would be out soaking in the power of the sun...which brings me now to Superman! The other day at work, I was feeling a bit feverish and a shiver was keeping me chattering for a while...the A/C in the office beat the living hell out of me...but something from my past struck my head as a solution to all the trouble...

Like how Superman would fly to the skies when he was affected by Kryptonite to regain his energy and recharge his powers...I rushed to do the same...ran (though Superman flies) to the open terrace canteen where the sun shone like a diamond...and just stood there...embracing the powers. It was a feeling that took me back to so many years of my antics in school...and it worked! The tingling feeling began right from my neck and gradually flowed from my back, relaxing the muscles and the mind...killing the shivers I had a few minutes back.

It was a magical and powerful moment and what an amazing feeling! Needless to say...a little over-exposure resulted in a slight frying feel and then I felt it was time to rush back to my workstation. But for those few minutes, I got my universal medicine and it was priceless!

The next day...unusually after the sun's treatment, I happened to fall sick and a 2 week bed rest ensued...which is another story altogether...for which I wouldnt blame the sun...but myself! But that is why...not 'everytime'...but sometimes I feel like Superman...

One before the decade...

2009-12-31T23:46:00.031+05:30

As a fading note from one of Hans Zimmer's works plays in the background...fireworks light up the end of a new decade and Im staring at my laptop screen...with everyone snoring at the home, I refuse to look out the window to what people believe is the end of a journey and the beginning of another. I look back at the decade thats gone by than just the year thats gone by and I feel...thats quite a lot for about a little more than 2 and a half decades!

I flip through my phonebook trying to call someone desperately and that 'someone' is either not there on that list or names that can wait for the sun to rise...there is no name that can be called now at this dire hour...the turn of a new decade. The only ones I actually call are my best friends and a few cousins. Most friends and acquaintances are either partying or out of their homes...as ever and boring...Im at home as usual (not being the party types). Sigh!

But at that given moment, a sign of emptiness and a little void I must admit. A vacuum that makes me reach out to memories of my past and long for a better future. The present is good but not as better as what it was before...guess at that moment, it feels the same when I was in my past. As one can notice by now, Im mumbling and trying to convey something like Im on a high or partially stoned.

New Year resolutions still had a few minutes for sure, but certain things were already on my mind. 2010 would mark my comeback to writing poetry after more than a year and a half's break. It also marks my venture into the wonderful landscape of Bass Guitaring! Well, all of this looks intimidating but worth locking horns with. What is also looking promising is my fitness rigour and my run at cricket tournaments. Looks exciting for sure.

What looks better I guess is a little soul searching and soul-mate searching in the coming months. My battles with my preferences versus what my folks want and all those family fueds that may arise at the event. Looks like a big family soap opera the way things are coming up...

The advent of such nationalistic politics and aggression has certainly fired up my brains...I see myself certainly going towards the angry-youth-burn-the-town form which is like an avatar of 'Incredible Hulk'. Boy! If things were really like that...imagine what all would be possible! My brain is now ticking...a comic strip coming soon...what say?

I was looking back as to how Ive survived in my life...Ive had say 2 lives...and Im damn lucky to still be alive. There is a birthmark on my neck which signifies my second life...where some sort of Umbilical Chord (correct me if Im wrong here) got wound up my neck when I was being delivered. I did lose my pulse but came back to life in a few moments. The scars that will remind me of how lucky I really am.

Ive been rescued from drowning too! I was at sea in Kuwait when a friend and I had been on this swimming competition and we swam a tad too far. I remember hitting a rock and injuring my toe and in that pain, I lost breath and tempo of my swimming and I gasped for life. A few hand signals to the shore and I see a gentleman swim feverishly to my direction...the next thing I remember was being resuscitated and brought back to life...puking all the sea water out. A relieved but upset mom and dad...not knowing whether to scold me or hold me close. Third time lucky...I survived to see the light of day for the next few decades.

Accidents aplenty...bicycle, scooter, bike, auto-rickshaw...its been a crazy life for sure! my elbows knees are decorated with scars, stitches, cuts and bruises. Ive always been fascinated with glory of war and only then did I realize that most scars aren't memorable especially the ones of war. But being a non-soldier entity, I dint take that very seriously. Macho and muscle was in the air and showing off was all a part of the game...childhood fantasies I say!

The first Gulf War was a strong influence in my life on how I viewed the world on the whole and my beliefs about life in general. Seeing an ugly side of life does influence ones actions and thinking to a great extent and it did so to me for sure. Being an evacuvee in dire circumstances, has certainly prompted me to write a book about this...hopefully make a true story movie for sure...lets see how this one goes...

Been in and out of love so many times that each time I narrate a tale, it sounds like that of a loser and Ive always been a laughing stock or a sorry figure who is still in pursuit of his muse. Much I have learnt relentlessly like a movie is each script. Another movie in the making...hopefully life should come full circle soon!

As one can figure out by now...this being a scrambled article before the decade ends, there is no theme, subject or any direction. I must begin on random scribblings to reduce the burden on my heart, mind and soul to come up with something quick...but figured out, what would the purpose be? A reader must be touched at at least one point...mind, heart, soul or skin. If that has been achieved, then Im not that bad a writer (this would include being a poet or an author).

I look back at the leviathan father time and never ending ticking clock that creeps like a sloth in the dark...realize that its almost 2am...and Im wide awake. The bed is yet to be laid and my dreams are yet to begin and take shape. The last note of Hans Zimmer's work echoes and fades out and I almost crash with a fistful of hopes and handful of dreams. God knows where I am heading...please take me home...

(Note - The painting is by Gustave Caillebotte: "Young Man at His Window" 1875 Oil on canvas 117 x 82 cm Private collection)

Nail the Enigma V

2009-12-16T16:53:00.014+05:30

Here is the last enigma of the decade...not that this would be the end of it all! Hope you can crack this one...Nail the Enigma V

A thousand words with the nod of the head
A single meaning with the dip of the eye
An unexplainable mystified emotion of Eve
The epic of love shrunk in one quick moment

As simple but powerful as it can get. Make sure you stretch your imagination and see what you can discover in these lines...the closer you get, the better it is...but you are most welcome with extremes!

Till the next cut is delivered...happy reading!

Delightful December...

2009-12-16T16:47:00.027+05:30

The December of 2009 couldn't have got better at least in the last decade of my life...and what a way to wrap up the decade...in style and in surprising success! To me, this was obviously wasn't easy...time has been a good father and has tested me in ways Id never imagine. It only makes sense that good things finish last and last forever. So here is a short description of how delightful (in many ways) my December was...

A 2 year wait came to a climatic close as the news of my poems inclusion in an anthology was finally being considered for print and publish. This would be the first news in my 12 year writing career that such a dream is coming true. Though the release has been pushed to the next decade, this is a news that any poet can feel elated about. In a world where publishers have shunned me away stating "Poetry Doesn't Sell", Prakriti Foundation has broken that myth for me and have brought this long cherished dream alive. Four of my works will feature in an anthology that will feature some of the most amazing poets from all over the country (those who participated in the 2007-2008 Poetry with Prakriti Festival). This to me will remain in my books, one of the best moments in my life as poet and as a person. Lesson - Persistence Pays!

What followed suit was an out of the world announcement. The US Consulate in collaboration with the Prakriti Foundation decided to give th art of poetry a bigger and probably the biggest stage in the form of the Poetry Slam Festival ( a version of the Brave New Voices). What amazed me even further that when I received an Invite not only to participate in the festival but as one of the featured poet for the event. This shot me through the roof as this was something I wasn't expecting in my life at all and to be a part of Poetry's biggest celebration and performance, was quite an honor. More so ever, the entire event garnered a lot of press coverage and shockingly, there was a life size snap of yours truly with some amazing words written about the event and about the performances. It was my first time on-stage in 10 years as a performing poet...much has changed since then and this time I did well...I could feel it and it has come a long way.

December also got a lot more musical for me personally as I decided to take my year long strumming on my Acoustic to the next level. I finally decided to buy my Electric Bass Guitar...what a defining moment in my life yet again...and an expensive one...but a worthy investment. Any musical investment must be encouraged and is always one of the wisest things to do. The 4 string bass was a beauty the moment I saw her (though i had been researching quite a bit on what to buy but this caught my fascination)...an Ibanez GSR200 Black model. Honestly, in my pursuit to music in life this will stand out as the biggest decisions and one of the best moments that has given me a bit of confidence more than anything else. Its a matter of time now...

What amazed me even more at that time was that my parents officially began their alliance search for my marriage. I found it very funny for a start as they (for a change) spoke of my future as a married man and all of that jazz. It was interesting as I kind of felt good about losing my single-ship and stepping into a more settled form of lifestyle. Online registrations, horoscope exchanges, matching criterion, temple visits, consultations aplenty! Name it and the whole family was into it all. Friends and cousins doing their bit by their usual teasing and kidding and what not! For a change, it was quite a pleasant change from the mundane and routine life that began to set in. Things happen for a good reason Id reckon...guess it was the sign of things to come. It was now only a matter of choice...rather destiny! Love the suspense bit...

A moral victory came through in December in the form of my confirmation in my current organization. This was a critical moment in my life at that stage because this was like a slap in the face of one of my cousin brothers who thought this lad would do nothing without his help! Well cousin...can you feel the heat now! (I had to censor this). I feel so good when I say that and I wouldnt mind saying that publicly because thats how much insult and disgrace he had brought upon me. Guess the best way to reply was by pure action and this confirmation was like a shot in the arm! Toiled hard relentlessly and tested by fire and brimstone...and finally my first victory against all odds.

Chennai had been through a rough dry spell and there was a major lull in the environment. The heat got to all of us and it rained fire in the month of December! But soon it was all gone as Chennai witnessed a relentlessly long-due storm that hit us for almost a fortnight. The sun was nowhere to be seen and it was quite a sight and a time for all of us. The dark skies engulfed like a blanket over the sun and the water ravaged the city like an onslaught. To me it was music to the ears and a portrait to the eyes. Every man-made thing was put to the test of mother nature's fury and we were all at her mercy. Power cuts, cracked roads, overflowing bridges, destroyed fields, closed institutions, umbrella sales...name it and you had it in Chennai...that too in the winter of 2009 December!

What capped the month off finally was quite sportive for both me and the country! Well, honestly Ive improved on my fitness regime in order to compete on a larger field of the game of cricket. Indeed it did take a good shape and I got myself into a good team with a few friends and we also got into a league tournament which saw us take a 3-0 lead in the group play-offs. But what got me really on a high was the fact that India, for the very first time in its history, became the No. 1 Test Playing nation in the world. All first times happen for the first and last times....because after that one has already been a part of that moment and its a matter of history repeating itself. This landmark moment was history itself and I personally was witness to it (amongst billions). To me, test cricket is the toughest form of the game and to be the best nation in the world takes some courage, character and charisma. Under the leadership of Mahendra Singh Dhoni now, we seem to have all this and many more to that list...in fact I wouldnt be surprised if there might be case studies written about him and the team in many a B-School. Such has been the impact of his leadership style at such a young age and hats off to him and all the players that made it possible. Jai Ho!

As one can see it by now, lot of things to celebrate about in this month...personally, professionally, publicly and nationally! 2009 indeed was a rocking year with a few of my favorite metal bands that kickstarted a rocking year and a delightful december to close it all. Hopefully this new year and the new decade brings about all the best things in life...A very happy new year to all the readers and thanks for being such wonderful followers...cheers!

(The image is that of the Winged Victory Princes' Gates at the CNE Grounds in Toronto. For a more interesting reading on the original headless Nike statue at the Louvre, do check out this link -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winged_Victory_of_Samothrace)

Nail the Enigma...IV

2009-11-30T22:30:00.009+05:30

Here is the next installment of Nail the Enigma series. Based on responses, I think its time to raise the bar and see how far one can think or imagine the words I pen down. See if you can nail this one...

She arrives and departs unnanounced, an immortal she is

To touch and trigger by whispers in my ear, an art she

Spills them through my eyes and hands, a life she is

Live or die, Wait and rust, love she is...

Make sure you stretch your imagination and see what you can discover in these lines...the closer you get, the better it is...but you are most welcome with extremes!

Till the next cut is delivered...happy reading!

This thing called...

2009-11-02T10:25:00.030+05:30

There are a lot of aspects that make us 'human'. It has been proved from ages that our race is a unique blend of certain intangible constructs that seem to go our way in the desparate moments and drives our purose to exist and to survive. The list may seem short to some or long to many...to me its just a handful. All these years of my existence has taught me lessons aplenty relentlessly and time and again, its been the hard way. Yes of course, I have fallen, befallen and arose from the depts to take my life head-on and gave back my fullest to not only survive, but to live to fight another day (many of us have been through the same, so be proud of it). People have viewed me in a lot of lenses and have had their room for passing judgments and freezing on perspectives. It has quite internally been a long waging battle of sorts and it has brought me into many lights and shadows. Such has been my battle filled journey with this thing called...Love!

This has been long due and might just be the right moment to rid this off my rustic brains before it decays into something meaningless and far fetched. In fact, the thought process began quite sometime back but fuelled to be penned down just now, thanks to my status message on my social networking hubs and mail accounts...it stated - "Single, Alone and Bored..." and believe it or not, the reactions and comments I recieved was more than any other statement I have ever made or articles in the past that Ive ever written. Strange, but I liked it when people sounded concerned about the status message...and my status. What one must do to get people talking or just turn their heads...such was this attempt and it worked. The perfect spark to fuel this flame. So...here it is!!!

Its a fun filled article and I am not here to script motherhood statements or the Dos or the Donts or leave a bad taste at the end of it all but will try my best to give that grin at the end of the page which both people In and Out of love wouldn't mind...so there goes my disclaimer or a forewarning...

Lets begin with our school days...when we are at our best in imagination, creativity and visualization...this is probably the only phase where we might have a parallel world where reality is a far fetched dream...where Utopian mindsets are bull-shit. No boundaries and no restrictions... which brings me to Phase I - The Good Old Days of Impossible Infatuations. Anyone would agree that all our innocent feelings and expressions were at its peak during this phase of life and I have gone through it all and quite interestingly found a lot of time for it than what I did in my classroom or for the homework. Early romance was primarily influenced by movies and we know how a romantic story and song sequence worked (and dare not anyone deny) with dream sequences which would have running around trees, two flowers coming together, costume changes, close ups et al. Since no one wanted to be serious in this phase, the chances of having multiple crushes or affairs were quite normal and switches were normal (or I'd reckon...) on the cards. Some would be shocked, surprised and flabbergasted but what the hell...what are friends for! The corridor walks, secret talks, eye to eye looks, compliments, cards, calls and what not! I have been through it all (bet many would have)...ups and downs...one sided, two sided, other sided and no sided. But of it all, on a personal note, I was seen as notorious and friends around me at one point of time hated it...this was the phase I made more foes than friends. In truth, I was trying to deal with myself and got more deeper and deeper...with extreme ends at the stick...with good and bad. There were plenty of fights and conflicts because eventually you are not the only person to like another...many hits on the same target...so that meant wars...in and out of the school compounds. And one can now imagine my plight!

Which brings me to Phase II - The Days of Evergreen and Possible Romance. Here I would describe ones college days (both UG and PG). At the brink of adulthood, the vibrance of youthfulness is what drives us to adventure and escapades (in any given form)...license to thrill and be thrilled. Did we even ever care about the rules...hell no! Recklessness and Rebellious made the emotion of Love quite heartless and soulless...Love suddenly became tangible than immortal. Those who crossed this phase were certainly immortalized but those who couldnt cursed the emotion to the pits. This is the stage wher Love is at a make or break stage...and where people either carry their beliefs or dump it to hell. It was in this stage that I carried my belief ahead and despite setbacks and frequent realizations I felt it hard to stay away and see the world thrive its existence on just Love. It was to me, a universal emotion that keeps us human. Severe criticism was drawn and many critics were turning cynical and abysmall at that phase of life and this also gave birth to many philosophers and poets. I couldnt believe that those who were once wrapped around in the arms of love were forcing their ways out and abusing it to death. I chose not to...as simple as that.

Which finally brings me to Phase III - the beauty of reality and what love is and is not. In this phase, we grow up to become serious beings and life shows us a lot of meaning and purpose at this stage. At this point in life, we witness ourselves in a mad rush of work and in all of this madness, we go through further hell...to be honest, the days of a single story is no more valid or relevant at this time. We question the purpose of our actions in the past and mull over an uncertain future...we analyse our mitakes and feel miserable or feel good if the same story is continuing. We search for greener pastures because it is our desire to feel wanted, loved and needed...humans arent we? Who prefers or likes to be ignored and unwanted? It is in this notion that we never give up our quest for love...cynics become hopefuls and even they consider to change their views to remain relevant. Such is the power of this emotion! I might sound cliched or corny throughout but whatever said and done, no one can run away or hide from this emotion...it is powerful and is felt in all phases of life...young or old and in any form! There are many words to describe, sub-genre and what not! It all boils down to something very basic...that makes us all human!

We might witness Innocent victims and evil perpetrators widely display their actions, intentions and consequences...I honeslty think it is the choices that we make that define us. Blame not the emotion...blame oneself for the choices weve made or pat ourselves on the back to have chosen the best. It is only in our dying moments that we choose to realize...cant that realization come at the death of a story? Why wait for an end of a lifetime to know what you could have done to live another day...live another story? Imagine if we gave it another shot...how many more friends would we have met, how many foes would we have done away with! I have met some of the most amazing people in my life and I have had the priveledge of knowing them in person...Ive met them in the toughest of times and certainly in times where I needed them the most.

Somehow in a rough road trip, where people curse the roads, I relatively chose to go along the bumpy roads and break my will, ego and my heart, only to rise again. I havent succeeded yet but Im enjoying the journey so far. Im not giving up yet and I will not till my last breath. Call me a fool or whatever you want to...just cant let go of (funny) this thing called...Love!

Note - The inserted pic is titled "The Poet and the Muse of the Ideal" by Carlos Schwabe (1877 – 1926). He is one of the more disturbing Symbolist artists. He seems to have had an obsession with death (possibly associated with the demise of a close friend when he was 17), and his paintings often contain allegories of suffering. He also displayed an interest in Decadent literature, and the above pic is an illustration painted by Schwabe for Baudelaire’s Les Fleurs du Mal. I somehow felt this relevant to the subject I wrote...symbolically!

Symphony of Suspicion...

2009-11-02T10:24:00.019+05:30

Home is where the heart is and home is also where the body, mind and soul is. To me, home has been specifically where the body and mind has been. Sometimes, I like the old un-changed residence that I get stuck to it like glue. I guess thats what most of my tormentors call it a comfort zone. I call them jealous but cant help but think about what they actually meant.

I discovered this pattern quite sometime back and Ive learnt how to deal with it...but above all, the awareness of the same was quite an eye opener. The trend is that if Im told to go to any place or travel to a new city or an unfamiliar location, I would internally feel so intimidated, disturbed, scared and curious and what not! Fear and reluctance would be written so invisibly but for acceptance sake, I would talk myself into it and make it happen. But first Id feel like some evil force has entered my body and is shaking it up like a blender...inside out. I feel like puking and Id suddenly lose my voice or my ability to move my feet. All sorts of non-sensical scenes would come to my mind.

Since most travel schedules were morning flights or night trains, Id have to tag along with my bosses or at times by my own...and that would mean wake hours before schedule so that I dont miss my departure schedule! That would set the tone of the entire journey! My first step of suspicion would begin with my trust of my own timings! Often I would succeed and with the help of my dad, Id beat time...not before I doubt my own abilities! Thats how I actually got myself into doing a lot of self-talk and self-you-can-do-it talking!

Things wouldn't stop there wouldn't they! Once I landed or arrived at any new location, Id always ask every alternate shop, auto driver, bus driver and conductor, citizen and even kids who would know the locality inside out. The best part would be that they would all give me the same and right answers to my redundatn questions often but I would relentlessly pursue to ask more people again in a feeling that Im being duped. Evil or mean you may call it, such was the extent of my suspicion in a new place. My luggage would be stuck to me like glue with my hands doing a frequent frisking to check if every necessary item was in place. I wouldn't spare checking my pocket belongings too for every 5 - 10 minutes. If the place I went to had a language problem, the time interval of checking would be worse...say close to every 2 minutes.

New routes on the bus / cab / auto was another killer! Id have to act as a spy noting every area name and route (a habit Ive developed after watching numerous spy and espionage movies) and mentally or visually memorize the routes. The fear of being lost or confused would keep me in a grim mood and wouldn't let me enjoy the sights. Unpronounceable, Illegible and what not, if the names were not in my terms of clarity or safety, my walking speed and heart beat would match an Usain Bolt's clocking speed on track. Well, no one quite understood why all this happenned...I had to get to the bottom of this issue someday and I actually did! i took me a few minutes and a few memories to grapple with in order to bring some sanity in this madness! To go to the roots of this all, I would narrate 2 incidents that influenced me or rather that inspired me to think this way.

I once was with my parents in a monsterous shopping center in Kuwait and amidst the maddening crowd, I was holding their hands and I was about 6 - 7 years old at that time. In a snap of a moment amidst the turbulent crowd, I was separated from my parents and was literally pushed aside and I lost sight of them. Like being thrown around and circled by, I lost my direction and the location point at where I lost my parents. I ran as fast as I could and at the same rate, my tears were pouring out like never before. I was stuck in a mall which was one of the biggest in the country and I dint know the language nor the locality nor the people. I ran from pillar to post sobbing calling out mom n dad and peeping into each shop to see if I could sight them...but couldn't do so...for about 20 minutes. After almost losing every inch of hope, I entered my favorite store thinking the toys would give me some solace...and to my relief...it did. I found them there...checking out some new Transformers toys which they promised to buy me that day...and I found them at the place which intuitively called me there. I went in running and hugged them both and told them that I almost lost them...much to my surprise, they dint even realize that this all happened because they themselves were awed by the toy store and its new toys which they wanted to buy for me...well...now you can imagine how I freaked out! All was well after that...

The 2nd instance is more fictional but close to what can happen in a war time. Note - 1990-91 was when the first Gulf War had taken place and evacuations were aplenty (a story I will narrate later). I was watching this WWII movie by Speilberg called Empire of the Sun where a young Christian Bale gets separated from his parents and ends up in a Japanese POW Camp and undergoes all the trials and tribulations of a troubled and lost boy. The scenes from the movie were then etched in my mind forever because the war in Kuwait was getting worse by the day and the curfews dint help either. Every time my dad or mom walked out to the stores, I was never sure if they would ever return. Such has been my childhood times and now one can imagine why I feel so when caution is thrown in the winds...quite literally!

When all of this culminates, it sounds like a raucous symphony from all directions, amplified with multiple overtures, motifs et al. that blares my life out in all directions and it is in that moment when I think of home as a safe haven. Known is always limited but the unknown is what at times mystifies me but cautions me. In recent times, Ive been able to do a lot of self-pushing and self-talk and moreover its now more of a conversation. I deal with my own suspicions and have begun to trust the world as it comes by and not rely on my past. If it wasn't for that effort, I wouldn't have visited some major and minor places on the map (with a lot more places on my map to go to).

The dawn of realization actually came to a symphonic climax when after 17 long years after my evacuation from Kuwait in 1991, I made my first overseas trip to Hong Kong. It felt special but again curious of what was to come. When we took off that evening...the only thing I saw was the inviting skies and a carpeted welcome by the musing clouds. I felt I was a part of the skies that engulfed all my doubts...yes, I had grown up then but the child in me was still alive and kicking (which it still does till date...even as I type this). The only way I would have initially felt was to go down or straight up...at that given moment, after a series of thoughtful image filled memory passed my vicinity, I actually felt that the flight was heading nowhere else but straight ahead. It was then that I was done with my symphony of suspicion...It played for so long...and I laid it to rest, forever!

Nail the Enigma...III

2009-10-26T16:28:00.010+05:30

Yet another attempt to bring myself to the realms of a poetic comeback. Lets see if you can figure this one out...

Orchestrated by pounding insrtumentation
Scripted from ages and performed till day
Staged to set free ones arrested emotions
Feet are hurting but in pain you must sway...

Let me know if you can nail this enigma...remember, you need not be accurate! Make sure you stretch your imagination and see what you can discover in these lines...the closer you get, the better it is...but you are most welcome with extremes!

Till the next cut is delivered...happy reading!

Air Raid Bombing!

2009-10-26T14:21:00.019+05:30

A fine monday morning...fresh breath, Brushed teeth, clean shaven, neatly combed, formally dressed and polished shoes...an executive gets ready for a busy week and this happens to be an important week for him as a lot of ideas would get signed off and he would be meeting the top guys in the company. Warm weather with the advent of the Southern Winter...chirping birds and racing squirrels...songs from the radio and resounding chores from every door...the world is as it should be for him...a peaceful monday morning. It is then he realizes that it is too peaceful than usual...an unusual silent and smooth going so far...he shirks it aside wondering perfections was'nt bad at all!

Off to the parking and the vehicle starts with the first kick...surprising but pleasing...brings a wide smile on his face...it couldnt have got better, he thinks! He plays a soft number in his ears for a change hoping for a smoother ride with a pleasant sight...and exits his apartment with no hassles, waving goodbye to his loving mother, grandparents and his dad...but unusual of all of them to be at the balcony at the same time waving goodbye...he dint mind that at all...he rides away to work.

The first signal he encounters, turns green without him having to hit the brakes or wait for a few seconds...day is getting better by the minute. He now begins to pray (which he usually doesnt) to keep the good times coming...overtakes many vehicles that actually give him way to go ahead...all of them budge aside! Even the beast like bus hustles aside to let him go...his smile gets wider and wider...makes his way and speeds his way up on the city's biggest and busiest roads.

A point comes where the entire traffic keeps right on the broad road and our protagonist is on top of his journey so far imagining that the whole world was making way for the king. What follows in the next few scenes is unthinkable...

The entire stretch of the road is tree-less except for this lone patch with one monstrous tree lurking out from one of the office building premises into the road towards which the traffic on that day wasnt willing to venture into. Our man today on seeing the world-wide gap to cross everyone to go ahead races into the unwilling patch of road and then....it turns into a war-zone!!!

A formal shirt turns into an army fatigue with polka dotted multi colored shots from the tree top...from sunshine to the shade, the hero now feels all the droppings like a shower of rain but indeed it isnt...its an air-raid of the antagonist(s) who have been waiting for their victim for all this time. Clad in black and wailing in code-words the enemies drop a series of foul-smelling, double colored, semi-solid, hard hitting and well aimed morning-formalities based droppings on our hero, beginning the end of his dream-run!

His smile turns into a sigh, his song turns to abuse and his hopes turns into despair...and he now wonders the build up to such a disaster / tragedy / misfortune / catastrophy (choose the best from the options)...the chain of events...it was all meant to be! He was bait and fell prey...when had a monday morning been so pleasant in his life! And he fell for it...and that too on a monday! People whom he overtook now had their last laugh and in retrospect sighed in relief. What a war can do...especially with a low-range air-raid bombing...especially on a monday morning!

By now you know who the protagonist and the antagonist of the narrative were...it is indeed a true story and one of many to ever happened to each and everyones life. So please stop laughing at me and remember your days of being bombed in your unusual and usual places and times and have a good laugh on yourself and your friends...its the best way to beat these darn crows...

The Rise of the Underground

2009-10-12T11:21:00.039+05:30

I was reading an interesting article on WWII where many nations were torn apart, their governments were brought down, history and culture was destroyed, architecture & monuments were razed and what not (the same being mentioned in our history books from start to end...with pictures to back them all up). Such moments in any country's history does breed a lot of hatred and rage that the generation had witnesses and over a period of time, most of it all, culminates into something significant and tangible. This is not a history lesson but 'history' itself in the light of realism...

The concept of "The Underground" literally symbolises a movement or a resistance which is not visible on the surface of any ruling body. This is no book or a refered definition, but an interpretation of my perspective. When I was reading about the Polish Underground State on Wikipedia, what struck me the hardest was that even in dire times like war, was how just a group of individuals could make the biggest difference to their country in the best possible way. When the Germans were on their Blitzkreig mission, they were razing various cities to the ground and that included buildings, museums, schools, churches, books, artifacts, monuments and most importantly...people and their families. At the heart of it all...the roots and the culture was on the verge of a downfall which would have taken centuries to build and establish.

In such critical times, a few inspired (rather enraged) individuals collectively joined hands to survive the ordeal and literally moved into underground makeshift bunkers and corridors. They would help the other survivors move in and would collect all bare necessities and basics to survive the war and the extreme weather. The main intent of creating such bunkers is to evade crossfire and air-raids that bombed cities in pockets. As one can imagine, not all survived it all and not everyone could fit in the bunkers amidst the chaos. It was also used to survive the bitter and cruel winters.

Interestingly, in such movements, there was always an assumed or a looked-up-to leader who would involuntarily take charge but in many cases, democracy was practiced and many people chose their leaders. Under many a leader, these movements and messages would spread rapidly and many revolts and attacks would be carried out on a strategic basis and results were quick and hard fought. That was the strength of an underground movement. Imagine how many lives have been lost and found in such struggles in any given critical moment in a country and its countrymen's lives!

This concept of an underground has spread to many fields and understandably so...the acceptance of the culture openly has resulted in certain Devil's Rejects to find shelter in places away from critics and have a sanctum of their own...by virtue of The Underground. Be it music, art, dance, poetry, technology, religion, sport etc. Whatever has been written off by critics across has certainly gained what the term is called 'Cult Status'. According to me, the world chooses to see what it wants and conveniently dethrones what it cannot withstand or which it cannot call a contemporary or a people-favorite. In the name of business, many a natural talent has been swept to the underground...in the fear of elimination of what already is and has been doing well in their fields.

According to me, if it wasnt for narrow minds, this underground wouldnt have existed. I try to reason this by asking myself, why do human beings become rebels...because in dire times when survival is a matter of life and death, what does one do when the rope is too tight around the neck? Well the answer is simple...do whatever it takes to be free...and live to fight another day! According to me, it is the attitude of this-is-right-this-is-wrong rule setters who create the underground! Let it be...leave them be...Nothing is ours....it will never be...we were born empty handed and we will die empty handed...why write rules and create a rebel in the youth that ends up deep down in underground movements....frustrated and traumatised!

Enough of the rambling...as one can notice...I myself have had a taste of such feelings and though I havent been a part of any underground movements, with the current state of things in our country, I feel one day I will eventually become a part of one. But the best part of todays underground is that they are not afraid...they are fearless and do not hesitate to express their intent. Which is why slowly, certain underground movements have come in the open and is now more visible than ever. Nevertheless, they are but still an integral part of the Underground movement.

But here is the deal...now we are out in the open and we are changing the world for good...the youth of today are on a mission and this according to me is the single biggest underground movement in this history of this planet! This is getting bigger than any living or dead governments and will one day overthrow all written rules and regulations to make this a free world...where there will be no crime, no loopholes, no corruption, no rapes, no murders, no wars, no genocide, no religion, no enemies and no fear (one can add to this wish-list).

It is on that day when those who criticized the world, will need to take shelter from the underground and will eventually have to let them re-write the pages of history. These are certain dark times where heroes arise from the darkest corners to bring light to those who deserve peace and justice ( I know I sound as corny as one can get but what the hell). It is in such times I wait and long for a hero/heroine...who will end all foulness, destroy confusion, destroyer darkness and annihilate ignorance. Does the name 'Kalki' ring a bell?

In all of this, I might receive opposing views and reviews on how Ive positioned this article but does it matter when we there is a living hell that openly slumbers in the belly of the beast?. If we dont deal with this, then what they have accumulated as so called wealth and power will push us to the depths of misery. I am no evangelist, but here I am...calling to all the young and free spirits from the Underground...arise and come to the open and let us all join hands to bring this rusting and decaying world by coloring it right and rescue it from its own downfall...let it not be the fall of another Roman Empire...

PS - All the text written and mentioned above is not directed towards any specific group or movement that exists. This is purely a personal perspective and does not contain any hidden or mis-directed message. However, if one still feels so, then I seriously think that you belong to the government or to the ones they call critics! Have a nice day...

A Thankless Job!

2009-09-25T16:57:00.018+05:30

Camera zooms out...as far as outerspace - Planet earth is colored 70% in blue and the remaining 30% in white, green and brown. The 30% that I just mentioned helps us breathe and survive and lest we realize, its soon going to change.

Camera zooms in...as close to Chennai at Mount Road - With a varied mix of percentages, my world is covered in black, white and shades of grey and lest I realize, Im about to melt and drop dead. It was at this moment when I had to halt at this signal stopping where something unusual happened.

Mount Road in Chennai is a stretch which has no trees planted but have medians which have saplings planted just for beauty sake. In my usual routine of riding to work amidst all the madness, today was a tad tough time on the road with respect to the heat, noise and the smoke around. It was then that a sapling on the median on the road placed its shade by the order of the winds like a blessing in disguise to protect me from the heat. For a moment, the world within the shade seemed like a different weather altogether! My shrunk eyes were wide open and its been a while since Ive seen Mount Road that clearly! The soaring temprature turned to a caressing moment which calmed me in no time and brought the world around me to a silent shroud...

I turned around to see a cute child like sapling and I could literally see it smile and all I could give back or rather say was...'thanks'. It was the only thing I could even say...but in a few minutes, I had to race to work from that oasis to another barren concrete journey.

I sometimes wonder, how much can we pain this planet and bring more convenience to our lives! We must realize that the oxygen we breathe are from the trees we seed. We cut them like they had no purpose or like they had no life! What if nature fought back...would we be able to withstand the attack? Would they hear our cries of forgiveness? Think about it...hasnt mother nature had enough of all the atrocities mankind has brought upon?

The shades of the trees dont come of use to them and still we want to dispose them off their roots to build a better place! What on God's name are we upto...digging our own graves? Dont they bear the brunt of the sun and the storm to protect us? Why as kids did we play around them like they were our grandparents and when we grow up, hell bent on uprooting them? Food for thought isnt it? Doesnt it also sound like we are biting the hand that feeds us? Crude but still worth thinking about...

An author's inspiration, a poet's muse, a duet's destination...amidst other common purposes of any living being. Shouldnt it be our sworn duty to protect them for what theyve done over the centuries to build our ecosystem? Above all, in today's economic value by virtue of ones salary, do we even remunerate them for services rendered? Well, isn't this then, an eternally thankless job?

Nail the Enigma - II

2009-09-25T16:04:00.012+05:30

In my continuing effort to cut down on the length of prose and a comeback to poetry, here is the second edition of Nail the Enigma...

The rules are simple...figure out the theme / concept / meaning / subject / situation etc. So, here we go...

Sanity broken by a murderous tangent
Contoured map with endless routes
Wrinkled rubber of age-old routine
Tanned tales and coloured rules

Nail this enigma and pin your comments to see who gets the closest to what the lines actually mean. Till the next cut is delivered...

Never Say Die...

2009-09-01T12:40:00.037+05:30

Ive always craved to meet a godfatherly type of person in my life for various reasons. Someone who could show me the way or even tell me if this was the best thing to do or the best way to do anything I aspired. Unfortunately, in that search in trying to find one, I tread on a self driven and to be honest which wasnt the easiest and not the wisest to do. My belief is that if there isnt an external intervention, we journey with only a personal perspective that guides us throughout (which most often isnt the complete picture). I missed doing a lot of things in life for which I regret at this age...but here is the best part...ive also learnt something aweosme by taking my own path...its never late to do anything in life. A dream is a dream and an effort doesnt depend on age at all. It is therefore a challenge to all those who have almost or nearly given up...never say 'die'.

As a person, Ive always enjoyed encouraging people...get the positive vibe across and be a part of their success. There is so much joy i experience that sometimes I thought of becoming a coach (which I dint want to tread towards deliberately). It doesnt matter who or where or when...my general feeling is that everyone has an ability they might or might not be aware of. Im not here to preach the Nothing is Impossible theory but to an extent...if we set a dream for ourselves...chasing it will certainly take us somewhere if not for nowhere. You might encourage a kid to take its first walk or an retired officer to take up singing...doesnt matter. Its all about helping people re-discovering or uncovering their abilities.

According to me (and many more philosophers around the world) believe that its never too late to do anything in life. We live only once (hereby denying the theory of an afterlife) and I believe we must live it by doing what we always love and cherish and stop cribbing that we can't! Imagine the time we must have wasted thinking we can't than how much time we could have used by saying 'why not'!

So keeping all of this in mind, here is a perspective of how we can let others realize their long lost but aspiring dream of doing whatever they had in mind. Its very simple...all it takes is a little push! Obviously it musnt be taken in its literal sense so let me unfold this mystery to all those who deserve that push and to those who are willing to give one...

Here is a little trick first hand...there is no way you can identify exceptional talent in an off-hand manner...you can only come across one. It is because they have already found their potential and they only need to elevate themselves from a stage to the spotlight. The key is in identifying those who had that dream but due to various circumstances or limitations might not have been able to see their dreams become reality. The fact that they wanted to be like superstars might be a distant dream but at least they might get a second start. To see someone smile after theyve made their first attempt at their dreams is something I feel thrilled about because it is that small step that gives them that giant leap.

Why am I preaching so much? Why do I sound like a Business Baron whos written a 400 pager book which keeps delivering the same message? Am I sounding like a coach whos got a career or trying to make one? So many questions in your minds and I can already sense it. But, to be honest with you all, I just love encouraging people who dream...if there is a passion in life, I enjoy helping people find it and bring it to reality. Any little skill or hobby that they possess, I try to push them to take it to a bigger level...Im not building champions or winners here but just helping normal people do something extra-ordinary in whatever scale they wish to. Do note that any dream can go far only as much as how far you want it to go...I only help in the trigger (which according to me is the toughest job). But as they say...a good start is half the job done.

Most of my effort is actually unplanned and it all begins when I come across a person who is generally cynical about things around or someone who is depressed or an introvert in life. Actually they are easy to find but hard to get around with...positive people are hard to find and easy to get around with. So that actual effort is to turn them from at their current degree of their downward spiral to a higher spiral where they see a little relief in their current predicament. Its all about belief and hope...if you can instill any one of this, then it certainly works...takes time but worth the investment.

Most cases where I have tried this theory, there has been a lot of positive response and the other person's happiness and hope is the sign of instant success. This theory is entirely self tested as well...let me explain! My brother has been playing the guitar for the last 6 years and obviously the kind of music Ive influenced him with. So the root of it all actually was the listening exercise that we used to have whenever school or college would get over and when we would play the music on the speakers. The best part was he was inspired immediately to play but I was still stuck at listening and researching music...whereas he was at a total upward spiral. When the time came when we got him an electric guitar, I was still listening and researching and he was playing faster and faster. He kept pushing me to play and all I kept telling him that there were too many strings and frets and it was just impossible! It actually took him so many years to successfully convince me to pick a guitar when one fine day he said that they needed a band-mate and I was there but was of no use despite my know-how! And that day I wasn't hurt...I was actually inspired! It was that same day I stepped out to the music shop and got myself a guitar. Its almost a year now and I aspire to become a bass guitarist one day and im 26 years old. Most people think that its too late to do anything...I dint dare to dream to do this until I was 25 (thats almost a third of my life if I were to live a hopeful 75!).

I once tried teaching a 7 or 8 year old boy of a labourer's family at a construction site on how to bowl and he was an aspiring left arm fast bowler...he grew so much in confidence that moment and his pace increased with every attempt and his smile became a mean grin like he was already in a match or so. That brought me so much joy that I could feel the enthusiasm get better and better with just a few words and continuous encouragement.

I once met a small boy (from a fisherman's family) selling flowers at the beach and he was pretty persuasive with me and a friend...and then I took a conversation with him and asked him about his aspirations (this was the time when APJ Abdul Kalam was the president)...and he mentioned that he would like to be like APJ Abdul Kalam. So i told him...its possible provided you do well in school and you stopped selling flowers. But that was one of his family's incomes and he wouldnt be able to . But then I couldnt deprive his family too...so I told him to take his schooling as primary importance and then his profession only if he had free time. He went back to his sales merrily and I almost found an amazing sales and marketing guy there...he could sell and I had to buy his product (though the flowers were meant for my friend). I did nothing there but just sow the seed of confidence.

This is just my tip of the iceberg...there are so many of them like that and imagine if all of them could do wonders if they all realized their potentials...young or old. All it takes is a little push. Find them and help them...give them that little confidence and they will see you as their godfathers or godmothers...it matters so much to them. It might be a struggle if they dont breakthrough but at least they will attempt. As the olympics emphatically states...its not about winning...its about participating. Lets help these lost souls that have given up to find a good reason why they should be happy again...

Another angle that I tell people to take in life is that we must prepare oursleves to lead 2 lives in one (No derogatory interpretations here please). In todays work pressures, it is so difficult to pursue our interests or even small hobbies which we once cherished when were in school or in college. We must push to lead 2 lives...how...its simple! When we finish work and return to our homes and havens...(which is tough and most unpredictable) one must switch off from work life and pursue some interest so that they are connected to themselves.

I know its easier said than done (I cannot help people who possess Blackberries). I even urge people with kids to help their kids pursue their interests and in that manner...rediscover theirs! Sometimes its so heartening to see your kids take up your dreams where you had left them doesnt it! Think about it...those who couldnt...can teach! And there is no dialogue called - I dont have time or there just isnt any! I think we must get over this line and make time. I know friends who are into so many things despite working or studying...Ive seen it and its possible.

So, now you can imagine...if I have started to play the guitar (and Im proud to say so despite my limited knowledge)...anyone can begin a dream and make it come true at any point of time in their lives. By doing so, make sure you pass the vibe and energy to others around you...young or old and see the magic unfold in front of your eyes. Help those who deserve it and tell them that once what was given up, those dreams must never die...

Nail the Enigma...

2009-08-22T11:18:00.014+05:30

After close to a year of the 'Random Question' Series, I decided to build a sort of a comeback scene to my roots (guess I ran out of subjective or thematic matters temporarily). To be honest, its been more than a long break from writing poetry and I felt the best way to slowly comeback to what I did best once upon a time is this interesting section that I have titled - Nail the Enigma. This is a different way of approaching the art and is in no way connected to Mr. Langdon or Mr. Brown.

The task is simple...I pen a few lines based on a theme / subject / scene and in reply, pen your thoughts to how you interpret it (need not be accurate...can absolutely stretch your imagination). Dont worry...I will try my best not to sound like a villain in an interrogation scene with questions and clues...but why should I have all the fun! So lets put a smile on that face and welcome the first ever lines of 'Nail the Enigma' section...

Saga of the fall scripted in transparent ink
Immortal and disappear with light’s one wink
An orchestra on stage with sound of black and grey
The gods are in tears when they see us all pray…

So, here...we...go! Nail the Enigma...Im counting on you all.

Look forward to all your interpretations!

Journey Back and Forth!

2009-08-22T11:14:00.039+05:30

Music is a widely spoken and written about subject for centuries and in almost everyone's likes and favourites (without the shadow of a doubt) the presence of music in their profiles would always be a given. But I am penning this to delve into such a phenomena in this article...rather, I would like to take a personal perspective (cliched I know, though some of them must have written on this too) and take you on an interesting journey on how I discovered music...

Funny how it all starts for all of us isnt it...we are always curious to know more from the time we are born arent we? From this infant stage, the initial curiosity moves up to inspiration and tells us to explore further and deeper and build our tastes for music. All of us look up to our parents or our siblings to see what they like and see if it matches our likes and dislikes...and this habit mostly begins when we are barely able to speak a complete sentence.

Born in Delhi, my journey began when I was in Kuwait for the first 8 years of my life and my dad would allow me to listen to the local radio which surprisingly had english songs played for the working ex-pat population at that time. By the grace of that, I tumbled upon my first rendezvous with english music...(I would not get into the genre for now). This was during the late 80s when the likes of Bon Jovi, Guns n Roses and other artists were dominating radio air-time and so did my dad who was a big fan of certain select artists (which I will name a little later). My dad was a big fan of quality music systems and was very specific about quality of the speakers...this was what got me into music first actually. My fascination with electronics and the lightings n displays was what caught my attention besides the regular cartoons on TV. It was quite a beginning...

My home has always been a treasure chest with a lot of musical goodies around (not about instruments)...the access to music was plenty...at least as a listener. The radio programs were good and the quality of music at home was also quite diverse! I would find everything between Pink Floyd to Dire Straits and from Black Sabbath to AC/DC...and guess where I would find them? All of the tapes in my father's old worn out air bag high up in the loft. That was one of the biggest discoveries of my life and I would always cherish that moment when I pulled that dust wrapped air bag forecully from the loft (all by myself) and dropping a few bags in the process and almost falling off the little bench I had placed to reach me to the top.

But what amuses me the most is that at times mom and dad would say listen to this, listen to that or say dont listen to loud music or dont listen to angry or aggressive music...but eventually it was all that my dad heard when he was in his yesteryears! So why not me...I thought! And thats where the whole episode of the rebel in me was born where I would listen to what all my dad had collected over the years...it actually dint have extreme music but the diversity was quite impressive! Allman Brothers, Elvis Presly, Jimi Hendrix, UFO, Ravi Shankar, L Subramaniam, Dire Straits, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, World Fusion, Beethoven, Bach, Disco, Bee Gees, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Jazz artists and country music too. (Phew!)

The next task was obviously take each tape and run the entire album on my cassette player till my dad would sit beside me and help me sort out the best from the worst and give me a little history lesson about the artists and his younger days listening to them all. One of the few moments with him where we would have a hilarious conversation...where my mom would stay out for a change! It was then that I realized that there was so much music before I was born and I knew what I was liking...he even told me that he had seen the Woodstock Festival in a movie theatre in Madras when it was released in the 70s. That must have been such an era to be in...hippies and gypsies as a lifestyle and all that rebellious establishments with a lot of freedom in the air...protest this, protest that and what not! My mom was a big fan of old hindi music and the entire family (in her end) were a set of singers who could take stage and perform some classics from any era...no comments on my dad's side (chuckle). Thats when I decided to take a trip back to a time when I was not even born and when my kind of music was taking form...yes I am talking about 'my' discovery of Music.

This meant that I had to go back to say 20 years from when I was born and back to another 20 years after I was born...Im taking about a 40 year span (plus another 10 years in the new era of music today). This was an intimidating task and surely wasnt a short term task at all...but I figured out...if it took a lifetime, it would be worth each minute spent backwards and forwards. Well, to be honest, we werent the well off families...we were at the lower to mid middle class of the strata (if I had to use my judgment from today's learnings)...and this was by no means the right position where I could explore the music I wanted...it was expensive and it was tough to find...yes, I am talking about a pre-liberalization era of India where we were just being welcomed in the arms of the rest of the world...I would surely like to thank late Prime Minister Narasimha Rao (also known as the Chanakya) who brought in this phenomenon (please note - only for changing the country from a Socialist to a Market Driven economy)...enough of the politics now!

Wherever I had been in India post 1991, I had been surrounded by Bollywood music and this almost killed my hopes of exploring music (I like) in a place where it was hard to find music I liked. Thats when one day when on a trip with my friends I realized in a ride to one of Delhi's underground markets that there was a thriving business of english music audio and people who dealt with it dint know a word of English except for the numbers...thats when I realized, it was in the wrong hands completely...and it was these people who probably were suppressing the in-flow of english music and pushing the supply and demand of Bollywood music...sad but true! Until such time, the radio was my best music friend and on that day, I spent my first 125 rupees and bought a collection of Def Leppard's album titled 'Vault'. The next few spendings were on artists like Bryan Adams and Metallica (for a start). Such was the joy I couldnt have describe to anyone...it was a revelation and a wake up call to my conquest of searching my kind of music.

Till then I had been plagued with so many genres of music that it pained me that I couldnt find what I wanted. Even the radio stations were playing the best music at the worst time...late noon (when I would be in school) and late night (when I would be in bed). But in Delhi, I was away from my parents and lived with my grandparents...this helped me discover my taste for nocturnal interests and honestly I enjoyed every minute of it. Great music and what a fabulous RJ to top it all...5 - 6 stations playing 8 - 9 hours of amazing music - from orchestral scores to heavy metal and fusion instrumentals and what not! Thats when my departure from pop and anthems began...I was stepping into my world after a prolonged period of misguided trials and turbulent tribulations.

The absence (rather the beginning) of the Internet was also another challenge...it was the beginning of an era and it was damn expensive and rare to find too (Not many embraced this in the start but it soon caught up). Music artists had jus begun putting their websites with their profiles, discography with lyrics and images / pictures...and thats when I realized...that I was in an ocean! Let me explain...shelves on shops often do not display the entire catalogue of an artist...they place what sells the most and what is the fad and fashoin! Now that was when I realized I was in the music business trap...had to break free and escape! Thats when I began my real discovery...this time it was of any artist I chose, I would go to their history, understand their circumstances, their background, motivations, explore right from their first albums till the latest songs and doing all of this being in Chennai was the toughest of all things to do. It was during these times cashflow at home was a bit of a botheration...whatever savings I had gathered...was put in my discovery journey.

At one point of time, I suddenly got into this flurry habit of mercilessly purchasing Audio Cassettes off the shelf and growing my liking to records that were released few decades back (this too wasnt complete till I got every album in the catalogue!). It was an expensive affair and I would literally put an accounts statement to assess my pocket money collection and my spendings...obviously one side weighed heavier...but trust me, to be broke and still listen to your favourite songs is a feeling I cant describe...such pure bliss. Over a period of time, with regular surfing on the net, I discovered so many old and new bands that I almost lost count. What I also discovered was that they had been playing for the last 25 - 30 years! How could I miss it all...I thought to myself...thus began my passion for reading...e-reading at least! Whenever time and place permitted, I would dive deep into a band's history and read their entire story, reviews, run through a sample of their songs and get a feel of what it was to be in a band. What caught up was the child-like but amazing habit of air-guitaring, air-drumming and of course...head-banging.

At this point of time, my parents knew that this boy had reached the line and had crossed it quite some time back...and they had to let go. After many attempts on rules and regulations, plenty broken and bruised...they had to give up...another small triumph in a mammoth struggle. But what followed soon was my brother! At say 7 years younger...he was already seeing me as his teacher rather professor in inducting him into the ocean...and to be honest...I successfully did and shamelessly let me admit...he is now a rockstar...way ahead than my dreams and ambitions.

There have been times when my detailed budgeting experiences were seen as petty...that was when I got my first computer...it was infact a laptop...what followed suit was a flurry of exchanges and trades of music...the quantum and quality was unbelievable and in the shortest span of time in a 20 year journey...came true! So to speak, I seem to had covered the last 40 - 50 years of music that I missed and that I am living with...in the last 20 years of life. I so much look forward to whats in store...and I am glad to say that I havent missed the best yet! To be honest, the discovery is still on and to uncover lesser known bands and appreciate their music is in itself a tribute to the past that has helped shape the music of today. With the advent of MP3 and the growing power of the internet, the world now seems to be coming into one's fist. Such has been the ability to reach out to bands that do not even have a clue of their following in India (For e.g.).

Despite all the financial troubles and the ignorant surroundings and crowds, I had the pleasure of even attending the concerts of some legendary bands over the last few years on my own savings (even taking my brother along to one of them)...such was the feeling of being able to see what I dreamt of and accomplishing what I was struggling for my life. I think this is just the end of the beginning. Of all remaining efforts, one day I promise to go to the Music Festivals in Europe...and that might just be the foreseeable end to my journey...hopefully, that is not my final destination.

Music today at least to me is like any source of energy...like its the sun to the earth. And when I look back at the quantum and quality of energy I have derived so liberally, I owe my life to it. Music today is such a powerful means to convey so many things and bands of today have become more influential.

One day when my kids ask me about my music tastes and preferences to shape their own...I would tell them this story for sure (obviously that might put them to sleep) but would also encourage them to dig into the past to see what shaped the music of today...but guess what...I just did their homework.

Where art thou?

2009-08-11T10:20:00.072+05:30

The beginning of 2004 was difficult in many aspects for me personally...but it also had a lot of hidden successes amidst visible failures which helped me revive from the abyss of emotions. In many ways, it was the sign of the best things to come...with a touch of drama, spoonful of comedy, tonnes of action and tearful tragedies with 'of course' an element of song and dance. In all these elements, there was one person among many who connected all the dots and sailed with me to help complete an intimidating journey. I firmly believe that he existed for a defined purpose and fate was what brought us all together...the same fate on seeing him accomplish what he came for, took him away from us, to let us sail on our new chapters in life.

When we joined IBA Bangalore (for my MBA) a bunch of us had delayed the hostel fees payment for which our accommodation was fixed in a place which was 5 - 6 kms away from our college. A rented apartment building where the construction was in its last stages, with zero security and a mud road leading to it. Eight flats and 32 of us holed out for a year before we had a chance to get into the campus hostel (the opportunities we saw and converted from these challenging times at that place is another story altogether which I might narrate soon in another write up)...but this is where I met the dude first and that was where it all began.

His introduction was a strange incident...we usually had a party post our MIS classes and our first was the rowdiest of all and my new found pal walks in invited and places himself on the floor in front of his glass of vodka mixed with sprite and a green chilli floating on it...he picks up the glass, gulps it in one go and thwarts the glass down and stares at us all...and then smiles because by now he was high and said "Hi, Im Sandeep from Kanjirapally, Kerala". It took us a while to gather what he said because all of them were high and stunned! I echoed out from the non-alcoholic section (with the snacks at our disposal!) "Doesn't matter...from now you will be called 'Cheta' from RPG" (Cheta meaning Brother in Malayalam and Raghunalli Paying Guest...which had other acronyms as well!!!). Thus began the saga of Cheta...(people almost forgot his real name in college from there on).

Cheta was a humble and a religious person actually...besides the mayhem of a bachelor life, he was certainly god fearing and godly at times whenever we were in trouble! He had an amazingly positive attitude and an awesome sense of humour and this kept us in peals of laughter even in our worst of moods or situations where we would be on the verge of breaking down. His sheer presence and his entry would bring the place alive and all he would do is just smile and say...'waaaaaat re!!!' He would be so sportive that it was hard to believe how he would share a laugh at a joke with him in it...he would also reply in the same humourous manner that the other person would have a better laugh.

We both were fans of rock and metal music but what got us on the same page was Pink Floyd...he and I would go completely high after listening to their songs (without smoke or booze) and he would decorate his room just to get that effect right for a Pink Floyd number. Ironically, his favourite song remains to be 'Coming back to life...'. We would sing, yell and scream the songs it at 2am or even in the afternoon...didn't matter, we were sheeps over another brick in the wall, comfortably numb in their sorrow with high hopes. He once fooled me when he narrated a malayalam song saying it was an unheard psychadelic pink floyd number...such was his humour!

He was a master in Photoshop and loved anything animated - movies, songs or cartoons. As one can see, he was indeed the most animated persons Ive ever met in my life. I wonder where the inspiration came from! A sucker for malayalam comedy movies that he would recall dialogues from each of his favourite comedy movies and mimic it to perfection! His passion for war and fantasy movies was also admirable...he would get lost in this world of his where he would critique and analyse the characters role and the plot like Roger Ebert...such was his insight! For our COSMOS quiz club, he was the creative mind behind all that took form and shape. He wasn't a part of the council but was such an integral part of our team that it didn't matter to him at all...he even worked with us for the grand event with a dislocated shoulder...such was his dedication to a friend's purpose and dream.

So much so for his lighter side, he also had a philosophical and brotherly side to his persona! He would be a saviour in tough times and lend his shoulder (even if it was a touch too high) to those who needed it. His conversations and understanding would be so amazing, that he would make you laugh or smile at the end of it all...making us feel miserable that we had to be upset about the whole situation at all! He would shoot philosophical lines out of the blue and he would take a minute to recall what he actually meant to say...his short-term-memory-loss-esque behaviour would catch people in roaring laughter. He was also a big fan of my writing and he would refuse to reply to mails because he wouldn't know how to write back! The only reply I would ever get was a big WOW...and that is something that I terribly miss these days.

Cheta and Academics were bitter enemies and best friends. He saw them as mountains to climb and also a walk in the park. The best moments would be when he would check the results and he would end up first confirming is his name wasnt in the 'failed' list...such was his selective optimism! At class, he would be in rapt attention until a question was fired to him then realization would dawn on him about the reality around. A true entertainer in and out of class and a class apart for sure. One must have been there when he would prepare for examinations...most of his books would have marks of his sweaty forehead because he must have slept over the same page he must have started on! Such a daredevil...he would have the guts to give a paper in such a preparation and still manage to scrape through in all glee and buy us all a cup of tea. Cheta's birthday celebration was probably one of the most rowdiest of all celebrations we have ever witnessed and to be honest, his sportive spirit was tested and he came out the happiest after his birthday by each and everyone in college...even those who did not know him...thats how he became even more famous!

There have been some awesome moments with the gang where we would all look at the same gal crossing the street or walking by and all of us on that moment would look at cheta and he would just say "You thinking what Im thinking?" He certainly enjoyed travelling and liked exploring new places, learning new languages in a funny way and also miss bus stops while going in buses! He couldnt run for nuts...it was tough to get him to catch a bus and not that he couldnt...just that his huge frame would only allow him to walk and that walk was one of the most distinct style I have ever seen. We termed that walking style "the manufacturing defect" (which actually wasn't). It was that trademark walk that could get us laughing even if walked say froma distance...we knew he was coming! His dancing was also a few moves but he certainly enjoyed dancing or even headbanging! I still remember every scene of our trips to the concerts in Bangalore where we witnessed legendary bands like Iron Maiden and Scorpions...certainly one of the most memorable outings in our life. Cheta was literally a rockstar in my books and will always remain to be...

I can go on and on with this and I would be glad to do so....and so would he. I know he is reading this from somewhere...but it is one of the toughest articles I have ever written...emotionally. We still e-mail him and scrap him once in a while on Orkut...and still celebrate his birthday the way he always wanted it to be...an occasion! I certainly think that the group has got stronger and the bonding has just got better...sad that his soul was the only adhesive and ultimate sacrifice to keep things alive. He would always want it to be the way it was and the way it is...He has been everyone's pillar of strength...a grand smile with a big heart for a giant!

Sometimes we tend to question God as to why do the good die young...I got my reply from a good friend of mine when my world turned upside down..."probably someone else needed him somewhere else like you guys needed him once before...don't worry...he is where he has to be." When I heard these words, I felt everything falling in place and there was another belief that he was still around somewhere. The purpose of a persons existence in our lives is actually known only when that person ceases to exist. Such was the effect when in August 2008 (on the night of friendship's day) we all spoke to him on a conference call and that was ironically his last.

Its been a year my friend...where art thou?

Random Questions - 10th Edition Special!

2009-07-28T17:04:00.030+05:30

It might interest some as to how this section actually evolved...well, it wasnt by design but by accident. When I began my blog say almost a year back, there were too many things in my head to pen down but with no direction or a clue to begin where and how. So one fine day, I began posting these questions on notepads and even created sub-sections as a sub-blog and categorised them...until I realized, why not group them all under one solid section called 'Random' and keep them as questions...hence the title - Random Questions! The objective was not primarily to get answers but just to provide food for thought to those who breezed through them at a glance...and most questions were about anything and everything to even something to nothing.

On that note, I present to you the 10th dose of chaotic quick-fires with this edition of 'Random Questions!'

Do certain things find you or do you need to find them?
When human beings are not perfect, how can we practice to become perfect?
Are people running out of ideas for reality shows by manipulating the concept of 'Truth'?
When shit happens with us, do we flush it off or do we mumble about the sheer presence and filth it spreads?
Why do people at the top have the least time to talk to when people below them have the most?
Does the sky really have no line at the horizon?
Does happiness lie in us or do we find it in others?
Why does an act of terror take ages to even pass a conviction?
How many phone numbers can exist when the population is increasing at a monumental rate?
Why do we at times lose or win 'big'?
If love happens at first sight, what happens on the second?
Is it possible to be a legend when one is alive and even after one is dead?
Do you believe that its never too late to do anything in life?
Is there a hole in the sky?
What is present at the end of all outer space?
Do we have more than we deserve or do we desire for more than what we deserve?

Thats all for this edition's dose of frantic firing of fretting and flaming frivolous flag-posting fortunate feverish following questions! Till the next cut is delivered...be with the motion and be a little chaotic for a change...it might work!

Damnatio Memoriae

2009-07-16T10:59:00.035+05:30

The evolution of Mankind has come of age and has always evolved at the cost of something or someone...certainly our kinds hasnt been the kindest of kinds in scripting the ages with what we now know as history. Many stories were written and many not penned...with those written also have been questioned on its authenticity and accuracy, leading us to believe that what is on paper is true forever and those who wrote it are no more. Normal beings projected as demi-gods and those who questioned the system laid to rest...this was the feeling when I came across this latin phrase which literally means "Damnation of Memory". When a Damnatio Memoria was issued, all historical references to that person were destroyed or erased and any statues or paintings of them were defaced beyond recognition forcefully so that it was impossible to even tell who they were or what they looked like (since it was such an important thing in those cultures to have people remember ones legacy).

When the word Truth comes to mind...I think of the following words - Ugly, Bare, Naked, Hurt, Lies, Hope, Eternal etc. As one can see these are not comfortable words and are a touch too heavy for anyone to deal with in their lives. Correct me if I am wrong...but we are more comfortable to keep the truth aside and deal like it wasnt there at all...the big 'White Elephant' in the room. Wonder how our history books were written...was it to please the people that something good always happened or hide what one wouldnt want to know of the past (all the same right...but its still a perspective).

The origin of this concept is again lost in eternal time and ironically (rather conveniently) has been tracked from the Roman Empire where the hunger for power and sworn secrecy gave birth to bitter foes right from the common man to any of the proclaimed Ceasers (not only Julius). Some say this was practiced to protect the sanity of the empire...according to me, it was done to hide the insanity behind any empire. Such a practice is still existing in todays world...imagine how may whistle-blowers fate are at stake or are on the edge of of a knife or with a gun to their heads. Imagine how many of them would have died with a secret held deep inside if upon revelation would have changed the course of our lives...but at what cost?

Truth has its forms and lessons that we can learn...hardest and toughest moments if strung together on a rope could swing the earth from each end fo the galaxy...such is the power. Imagine lost people, lost cities, lost secrets and lost moments...how much do we not know...how much has been deliberately hidden or ceased to exist...rather wiped out from the face of this earth. I feel that conspiracy theories have a certain origin and emerge from the need to know the unknown. Our lives have circulated amidst tweeked truth and a painted past...probably we arent ready to face the truth and bear the brunt of paying the price...which might be the heaviest yet! We sometimes refrain from our own reflections and refuse to look into the mirror and face our past...something we want to do away with at times...and I think its our own choice...which is not what I am against. What I am against is that when the same right has been in someone else's control or discretion (when things are not in our hand).

How much could we have lost, how much could we have gained...is an interesting debate which Id like to have from the readers...its a question we all would like to have a voice on. When I discovered this word on Wikipedia, I was apalled by the fact that there were so many instances of Damnatio Memoriae...every nation has a history of Damnatio Memoriae and in the age of e-world, there are lesser chances that we dont know anything...the only thing we dont know is the un-documented or un-scripted past. To give you an interesting head-start on this subject, read more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damnatio_memoriae. On this note, Id like to leave you with a few lines to mull about:

He who once lived is no more

In pages and in the minds of men

To those who rob the sun's glory

Are those who ignite the king’s fury...

The Emperor Domitian Setting out, relief from the Cancelleria, Rome, 80-90 AD. The head of Domitian, the fourth figure on the left, was recarved as a portrait of his successor Nerva after Domitian suffered damnatio memoriae. On the left hand side of the panel are images of the gods Mars and Minerva. The Emperor is followed by the goddess Roma and the genius of the Roman Senate (a personification of that body). Source - http://employees.oneonta.edu/farberas/ARTH/arth200/politics/big_man.html

Back Pocket Logic

2009-07-06T16:41:00.017+05:30

The 'Bolt from the blue'...from someone I knew. Something hit me down a few days back and I was compelled to think about it day on after that moment and I mulled over the fact that I was a victim to the same...Logic! At times, we see adverts that describe kids being snappy about their ideas and hence turning out to be logical...so many adverts on how the youth sound logical to the ears of the old school. That day at home, it was logic from the other era! Stumped I was...by a deadly googly...completely bowled over! You'll know as you read on.

Getting ready for office wasnt eventful as ever except on this day when nothing but a 'logical thought' bolted across from the corner room where my paternal grandpa's sister resides. Well, shes approaching 85 years and like the veterans of our previous generations, had more presence and longevity than anyone in the room...just a sore back to indicate the quantum of work that woman has done in all those years. Amidst her singing and chanting in her room, I was blasting my metal music in mine...two extremes in one home. A discussion soon sparked out with her and my mom and that was what caught my attention...it wasnt about the music for sure!

"Amma...wheres my purse?" I screamt amidst all the noise and commotion of the morning chores..."On the table only naaa..." replied my mom...and right as ever she was. This was when I noticed my grandma walk past on her usual walking exercise but stand still when she saw this happening. After her rounds, she called my mom and asked her a simple question..."Why do people keep their purses in their back pocket of their pants?" in a very naive manner but in a staunch and pure Tamil...right from Srirangam. As expected...the whole home fell speechless and rattled us all for a moment...the day the earth stood still. Not expecting us to answer, she replied by herself...

"Sometimes people complain that they dont have enough money to spend or they are unable to save enough for the future!!! People complain of thefts and pick-pockets too...do you know why? I cant understand this logic...let me tell you why. People keep their purses near their buttocks where the only biological function is excretion...the same will be the philosophical correlation to your purse...money will only be spent and not saved! People keep their purses in their back pockets and go ahead...when these days people are unable to see things ahead of them...how can you expect to take care of your purse when it is behind your sight? Hence the temptation for strangers and miscreants to pick-pocket and more the chances of thefts! In our days, they used to make shirts with pockets stitched on the inside of shirts and this had a sound logic. We were always told to keep the purse or our money in our chest pockets...and this is where the 'heart' was...'Lakshmi' (Goddess of Wealth and Prosperity) is where the heart is...today it is somewhere else...and we complain of spendings and thefts. How can anyone even dare to put their hands into your shirts and try to steal? Isnt that tough to do than keeping it in your back pockets? Dont you have any shirts like that?

The only reply we had was "They dont make any like that"...in fact it wasnt the right answer and she did not expect an answer. There was no answer actually...the fact is that we buy branded shirts that really dont serve such smaller purposes. Was she kidding us...'hell no' she wasnt! It was at this moment, where we were all still on our feet and she slowly waltzed back into her room expecting no answer...such was the spirit and such was her obsvervation and anaylsis. That was the moment I felt stumped in a long time in life...harsh lessons with a subtle question. I was speechless (so were the others too) and the only thing I could do was smile all the way to my way to office like a fool with a revelation to share...such was the impact of that logic...coined the "Back Pocket Logic"

Though that hit me the hardest and I realized the toll it took on me for the rest of the day, I am yet to find a shirt like that...honestly, they do not make any. The truth is also, that the shirts that I choose are branded and they do not make those kind of styles anymore...and God (too) hardly makes wise people and logical gurus like my Grandma anymore...

Random Questions IX

2009-06-30T16:43:00.006+05:30

Its been a while and here is my 9th edition of Randomness...questions unanswered and unavoidable. Food for thought till the last dot and dash...

Does a king really die or his legend / legacy live forever?
Do changes in life bring about predictable consequences?
Dont the ODIs look like tests after the spur of T20s?
Do the best things in life come in small packages?
How good does love in first sight still hold good?
Does the Mayan calendar really end in 2012 or did the printer pass out?
Why do people call rock music 'noise' without listening to it?
If batteries run electronics, what do electronics run?
Why do the good die young?
How many hungry children cry for food when we cry about the food we eat?
How can we be the change we want to see when change is the only constant?
When early man was a non-vegetarian, why do we divide ourselves to be called vegetarians as well?
When we consume grapes, why is it a taboo in having wine?
If it wasn't for the internet, how many walls would have fallen?
Why does eating chocolate equal sinning when it is symbolic for bliss?
How many sequels does it take to complete a chain of movie theme?
How would it be if there was no religion?
Will I ever be a rockstar?

This is some of the ramblings of this month...more to come after a spell of constant ravaging and persisting pursuit to nomadic landscapes in a world of organized chaos we call Life...till the next cut is delivered.

New Delhi...Old Memories

2009-06-11T15:00:00.051+05:30

'Dilli ab door nahi...' whenever the city comes to my mind, images rush, voices echo and the heart beats gives that grin which was missing for a while amidst the current chaos of life. Such was the experience of my last years of my schooling life I had spent in Delhi...the best years of my life. The ripping summers and the biting winters wherever I am reminds me of this city...lot of memories and lot of stories. It was in 1997 that I had to move to Delhi when my dad got an assignment in Saudi and that place din't actually have a school...so the only option was to send me to my maternal grandparents place.

A little history for those who dont know, I was born in Delhi on the coldest day in 60 - 70 years in on January 3rd, 1983 and llived there for a year or two before I moved to Kuwait. When we were evacuated from Kuwait in 1990-91 during the first gulf war and returned to Delhi and spent another year and a half. At this tenure, my brother was born and literally he was our ticket from Kuwait in those tough times.

In 1996-97 came this another calling, to my birthplace and this time it was to complete my schooling. The fact was that I actually dreaded to go to Delhi after a swashbuckling stint in Chennai where I established my footing as a rebellious but innocent youth...all rounder in sports and acads, got me gang of friends, and loved Chennai. The fact that I was going away from my folks and my brother...was something I wasnt prepared for...but what I dint realize was that there was more to come than what met the eye or hit the ear.

Delhi was special because it was there I had made a lot of friends...and as they say - childhood friends are always special and unique. This was one part I was looking forward to and especially going into an apartment would mean a bigger gang and a lot more fun...and fun it was. But what bothered me the most was which school I was to join! My grandfather was an amazing person to say the least...the person who taught me to be tough and live rough in the madness of Delhi where I did have a turbulent start. Amidst all of this, I realized that schools in delhi had already begun...and I was...well, a little late. Kulachi Hansraj Model School it was...in Ashok Vihar, a big school of the DAV group and a very different environment than compared to schools in Chennai...and I was up for it.

The flat in which we were staying in Sector 9 of Rohini called Gayatri Apartments was a Duplex, where I had the upper floor to myself and this got me into the style of independent style of living and thinking despite my grandparents on the floor below. This also gave me a chance to modify my room to my liking and preference...so in a way, my bachelor days of staying in a home away from home began way back in 1997. In my room the last count I had, the number of posters reached 40 on the walls only. My music collections and my taste for FM radio grew up monumentally and my slant towards Rock and Metal began at this point in time...as one can see...all the best things in life at the same point in time.

But...the first two years of my schooling is what I would term as a Life-Changing experience...and not many of my friends would know or realize as there was an internal battle with myself to be the person I wanted to be in a place that did not welcome me. Firstly, being late to class, I was always behind them all and this took me ages to come to terms with and I just did not know whom to blame or even point my finger towards. It was a steep climb and I was prepared to do it the hard way...something that my grandfather always taught me that. The only way I could overcome such obstacles was to show by performance or actions. Firstly I had to get a literal translations of all abusive words and get a feel of how speak the local style of Hindi...what was taught in the books actually cannot be spoken on the streets.

Problems had begun the school bus where I was the black sheep amidst the white wool and this prompted a lot of them towards what is now popularly known as racial slurs. Total disrespect, animosity and hatred towards my-kind and it was so visible with a mob making my stay a living hell...even going to the loo to take a leak would be a walk of fright as someone could just come from behind and pass slew remarks or even voilently intimidate. The same story continued in my classroom besides a few noble and kind souls who went on to become my best friends in the future. The only way I figured out to survive in this insane environment was to do what I was good at...at least decent at...my speech. My writing actually helped me bring a lot of mileage in my resurrection from the abyss and this proved the most powerful comeback. My ability was that I could strike a conversation with anyone of any age and at any given time. The only thing that differentiated me and gave me the upper hand was that the guys or the girls couldnt speak fluent english for nuts...and I couldnt speak Hindi fluently temporarily which I then mastered to an extent where I could speak to anyone from any Hindi region. The guys would even question their peers and ask - 'how can this Madrasi even talk like this yaar' (snippets courtesy old friends who could tap the vibe and info). Trust me, this entire initial recovery took me two years...and with the help of my mentor who was my class teacher and with whom till date, I am in touch with. Such was the courage and confidence which she instilled in me which continues to be my source of inspiration whichever new place I go to.

What my classmates also appreciated was the way I played cricket (which was a get-going-no-non-sense-hard-hitting...what could one do in a 5 over match for a start!!!) and soon I was in their team and the level of acceptance was soon touching its high...it soon peaked with winning Quiz competitions and other critical events like getting into the school student's cabinet as the Secretary which gave me more visibility into the other sections of the school and events and culturals. I would take up work like checking late comers, checking shoes and all the things I hated when I was on the other side...but ended up doing it myself! Many such small things in small doses helped me establish as a familiar faced - once bullied, roughed up Madrasi to a full fledged Delhi-ite by birth and survival. By the time I realized all of this, the most meaningful 4 years of my life had gone by and time played its part when the best part was to come...it was 2001 by then.

But some of the main highlights of those 4 years besides the school episodes were also to do with at home and with friends. Our apartments had a whole host of amazing and uniue characters and this certainly broadened my perspective towards the way people were in general and also helped me build amazing rapport with people from all age groups. We would have cricket matches between sectors or apartments, within groups in our apartments in district gardens, in our community halls where the oldies would come chasing us with their walking sticks because our racket would so loud that their BP would shoot up! We also would play cricket on the badminton court, parking lot, on the terrace, whenever the current went off, night and day, under lights, in the rain and in the bloody summers and the chilling winters...anything and anywhere for cricket. Even the elders would join us in a game or two and this would be specailly evident during festivals or holidays where the compound would be full of people for the same game...rare sight but worth every moment.

All festivals and celebrations like weddings, birthdays and anniversaries would be jointly celebrated and the dressed up boys would form their gangs and tease and pull the decked up girls and this was something we all looked forward to. Eventually we all knew each other so well that the trips used to be so much fun and loud! To my knowledge, so many stories bloomed at that time and every line worth narrating...I wouldnt risk this space for that now! Anyways, be it Holi, Diwali, Independence Day or even a normal working day, there would be something to look forward to everyday. But amidst this, is where I met my best friends, soul mates and all the little crushes I had. All of it took place in this city and it is worth scripting a story around this...fact or fiction...fact for sure to me. The worst part in that aspect was that all the realization of true friendship and first love was found at a time when I was to leave Delhi in 2001...cruel twist of fate that life has been playing with me all throughout...snatching me away from the right place at the wrong time...just when things start looking better and happier...

Life shattering experiences have also had its toll on me...in the form of the tragic loss of my grandfather mid-way in my tenure at Delhi...an accident that got me to terms with my relationship with him which was very turbulent to be honest...both extremes of love and hate...but a lot of mutual respect and honour. After his passing away, my grandmother became my responsibility...and at that age, I was in-charge of her well being and her life from there on. This test in life was one of the most toughest and the closest I would have got to being broken, battered and bruised. The last two years of my stay in Delhi were the ones that shaped me to the man I am today. It was then I realized that it could take even the ending of a life to give birth to a new...in terms of character and purpose. Another phase of Delhi which I had to deal with...without my parents aside.

But at the end of it all...I discovered a lot of things in life. I might sound like a philosopher alread but what I have seen and learnt is something which this article cannot do justice at all. The people I have met, the things I have done, discovered, the fights I have been in and stopped, scars that i have rightfully given and recieved, words that have pained and loved, love that came and went, hate that brought in compassion, victories and losses that went hand in hand, smiles and tears of the family, separation and bonding which kept me sane. Not to forget the the fun and festivity of the city, travelling in buses, autos, the long walks and window shopping in local areas and the food fest at the streets and lanes, the pollution and the bustling morning with the pegions in mass...one word - Wah!!!

One might think that four years of all of this might be a far-fetched plot to believe in...all I can say to them is that to myself, I have lived it and words may not be sufficient to even prove anyone right or wrong. To me, it is my past and will always be a reference point in any time in my life in future. Such has been the impact of Delhi and its people in my life. Since 2001, I havent had a chance to return to the land where it all once happened...to me i would like to make visit soon...and I see this like a trip to Mecca where retribution and absolution is the ultimate goal.

One day when I go back, I would love to go back to my school and my apartments (where it all happened) and look back at all the moments that changed my perspectives and meet those who touched my life and whose lives I could touch in some small way or the other. I hope they still Love me as I still do and pray that all undesirable things have been laid to rest. To me, it would be the point where life had been resurrected and a any-time-mid-point where I could look back, smile and say..."Dilli ab door nahi..."

The Documents of Darkness...

2009-06-02T11:14:00.035+05:30

As I move into my second organization, there is a mandatory process which haunts me all the time for it demands me to dig into my past...a dark past. Though this is not the first time, it still brings back a lot of forgettable memories to what I am on paper compared to what I come across as a person to people. Well, some places tend accept you for what you are on paper than by willing to understanding...then for what purpose are institutions for one might ask...

Well to be honest, I wasn't great in school and college and situationally I found it difficult to cope with pressures. I was a slow learner and at snail pace, understood what was taught to me in the year what was taught to me in the previous one. For example - I was king in solving quadratic equations...but only when I was in class 9 whereas it was taught in class 7 or 8. I used to love Geometry but I only got a hold of it when I was in class 10 where it was taught in class 6! Such was my pace...the only subject that I had a hold of was Language...English, Hindi and Sanskrit. I was pretty cool in subjects like Geography and History...mostly dead subjects of what was and has beens. I thought I was bad but there were worse cases also in my class which I wish not to divulge. Strange though...my parents werent really aware of my conditions because, somehow I used to score decently and get away with it. In class, I would always be day dreaming, doodling, playing book cricket, actual cricket, crack useless adolescent jokes and be in a world of my own...everything except studying. I was even afraid to ask doubts because, the ones that I had a doubt about, would be in the previous lesson and the class is in the next lesson already! All the neglect and ignorance and lost in my own world syndrome eventually started my creative writing journey early in school which later formed my path to some sort of glory to what I am today.

But what was best about all of this was that most of the kids in school and in college dint view me like that...they understood me more than my shoddy academics and respected me for what I was but unfortunately, I wasnt able to match the same with them in terms of my performances, which was very disheartening to me. I was pretty good at having a conversation with boys, girls, juniors, seniors, teachers, professors etc. I wasnt that bad in joking and fooling around with people too...I loved the company of people and I hope it was vice versa too! I wasnt that bad in sports and games too...decent in Athletics and Cricket and I also used to be a key member of the students cabinet too!!! I was an avid quizzer and a budding poet right from my schooling days and it still continues to be my passions in life. As one can see...nothing academical so far...

As most might 'consider' by now...sorry, 'conclude' by now, is that everything besides studies excited me the most. But what one must understand that I tried my best with my academics and passed out only as an average student but a better and stronger person. All said and done, in our societies, until one is a topper or a rank holder, they would eventually be disregarded to an extent where even finding a groom or a bride becomes next to impossible. I still wonder what the spouses would do with their marksheets once they get married!!! On a lighter note, the recent IIT pass out family killings throws a darker tone compared to what simpler people can imagine to do. What I intend to state is that not all academically profecient people are no guarantors to being perfect people. We all have inconsistencies...it just depends on what aspects are we in...professionally or personally. Its a choice we all have to correct...depends on which one.

Lets bring this discussion to a more lighter vein. I mean no disrespect to all the great minds around...and I mean it. Its just an observation and a self-assuring stand that Im certainly not the only one thinking on these lines. Our Indian Society has been built on a premises that people with low academic achievements are doomed to no end and this according to me is a grave assumption. I saw my inefficiency as a blessing and as a sign of a hidden talent in me to which I had to discover just like discovering an alter ego...and this was the origin of my pseudonym - 'darkknight' This was an interesting journey and I will not delve in detail in this piece. One of my write ups titled "A decade of writing" can shed more light if one needs to know more. What I am trying to convey is that if one door is closed in one's life...there is always another door in the dark that needs to be searched for and which needs to be open to let the light in and let others know that there is always a way out and there is always light at the end of darkness. (Phew...that was a long construct!)

On conclusion, we always tend to think in a way which puts us in an awkward situation which where we consider 'what woud others think of us' and 'what would they think if we did this', 'if we did this, did that' et al. But what I have learnt now and more assuringly after the recent documentation submission in my new organization is that one must be aware of not only ones surroundings but also with ones own beliefs and perspectives. Once that stage is attained, marksheets of the past which one might have considered the documents of darkness...will fade away into light and bring out the best in us. Believe me, it isnt a pleasant past, but surely a bright future...

People respect you for what you are and what you have achieved. This can be on paper and can be on performance. What is performed sometimes is captured on paper...sometimes it is captured on character. The latter takes a longer time to discover but eventually lasts forever...

Random Questions VIII

2009-05-31T19:43:00.026+05:30

Just in the nick of time for the month of May...here we go without much ado...

Does this elected government prove that constant is the only change?
Will the summer heat ever have mercy on those they call merciful?
How much more music can be made with just 7 notes and 72 ragas?
Do too many lies ultimately lead to the truth?
How do kids born into this commoditised world know better about malls than their parents?
Did the Illuminati really play Angels and Demons with the Vatican?
Are our history books really accurate?
Is it normal for underdogs to always emerge victorious in a tournament with high stakes?
Is the need for speed an innate quality for any human being?
If wine is made of grapes, why is it condoned when people get drunk?
Is magic for real or just a veil to our eyes to blind us to what happens behind the scenes?
Why do we find it strange or hesitate to tell when people ask us the damn truth?
In the corporates don't we sometimes feel that we are treated like the pied piper of Hamelin?
Why are my questions so random?

So much so for this month. Hopefully this month wasnt as random as I expected but what the hell! More the chaos, more the friction, more the friction, more the smoke...till the next cut of randomness is delivered...

El Toro!!!

2009-05-11T20:28:00.031+05:30

Disposing needless and useless things and items was the call of the day that week when we were moving to a new place and this was a sad day indeed. Ive been riding my Honda Activa for the last 2 years and before that I used to take the local bus to go to office. But the most memorable rides to all my previous destinations has been on my red Hercules MTB bicycle...aptly named El Toro! This day was sad because, after 5 years of neglect and ignorance, my El Toro was gone...sold to someone who would find use and purpose. I used to park my vehicle next to my bicycle each day, give it a little tragic look and walk up the stairs to go home. For 5 years, this went on until this day when I parked my vehicle, only not to find my good old El Toro...missing. Mom then told me that the cycle repair boy had sold it to another boy who needed it badly. A moment went by when a tear peeped out of my eye, with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat, making me feel like I had lost something very near and dear in life...I shall tell you why...

Anyone who looks at me now can surely say that I wasnt a cycling enthusiast...if they had seen me 5 years back, they'd bet their word sayin that I was one. Such was the story of me and my El Toro...a unique friendship or a hobby in a way that helped me communicate with myself. Some thought I was a schizophrenic but that was only their perception, to me it was a passion and I loved every moment of it. More to say, Ive been my true self and Ive had most fun with myself when Ive been with El Toro...nothing substitutes and nothing comes close to those days of cycling.

My bicycle was a red and black colored Hercules Mountain Terrain Bicycle...this was one of my many cycles Ive had in my life and certainly one of my best. In our tough times, it even helped my dad and brother commute to their workplace and school respectively and I was proud of my bicycle. In tough times, we did not have a vehicle to commute or dint have enough money to go in an auto rickshaw...in such times, my bicycle was the only vehicle we could afford and probably the best thing that ever happened to me especially. Ive been passionate about cycling since I was 3 years old and I wasnt wanting to be a racer or so but a passion I was willing to invest in just for myself and not for the world to see.

But this post is about my last adventures with my last bicycle...El Toro in the mean streets of Chennai. You can imagine of any possible situation and encounter and Ive had almost all of it on my bicycle. El Toro's reign began from the year 2000 and ended in 2005 with a retirement till 2009. I used this as an opportunity to stay fit after I completed my school and since I was big time into a lot of sport and games and I couldnt sit still when I came back to Chennai in 2000 - 2001 with no friends to chill out with. It was then El Torro came into my life and as they say...the machine chooses the rider and not the other way around...that was the bond that I found.

Ive been chasing cars, bikes and buses, being chased by dogs and cops, bikes and cars, making sharp and nasty turns, had bad falls, being hit, abused at, abusing, belittled, battled and bruised, brashful, speed demoning, long cruise modes, early mornings, late night rash anxious rides, handsfree tricks, sight seeings, flirtings, conversations, races, one wheeling, step jumps, brake fails, flat tyres, broken lights, double and triple rides, renting, repairing, damaging, intimidated, challenged, lost, won, rescued, arriving soon, late, getting stuck, beating traffic jams and being with myself.

As I take a deep breath, I see a rush of images run past my mind and I am reminded of my El Toro...I had to let go. It was tough but it was necessary for both of us. With a heavy heart and a sigh over my past, I recede into my world of corporate ambtions and hopes with dreams of making it big, knowing that there was a past where I was already on a high with an old friend of mine.

It might sound corny or cliched but, I certainly believe when people say that we dont realize the value of someone or something until we have lost them or lost it. It is so true and I would stand by it till my last breath...may you be in peace wherever you are after all those years of glory. Hope to meet you on the other side...El Toro...

PS - On a lighter note, to those who dont know the name reference of my bicycle to 'El Toro' - here is a link -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bully_For_Bugs

or just check out this video right here!!! -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVwv_1EhitI

Missing Mylapore...

2009-05-11T20:21:00.022+05:30

As I type these words, I have moved away from a place they say is the cultural heart of Chennai to a place which they say is the commercial heart of Chennai. Yes indeed, the departure from Myalpore and my arrival at T.Nagar has been complete and I am now a resident of T.Nagar. In announcing all of this, there is a lot of joy and pain that goes hand in hand...the pain of missing Mylapore where we stayed for about 7 years (we lived in Mandaveli before that, which borders Mylapore)...

People believe that one doesnt realize the worth of something or someone until or unless they are far away or have lost it. I certainly believe in that philosophy and I felt it when I shifted out of Mylapore with a heavy heart. I dint feel it until I stepped into our new home in T.Nagar. Emptiness is a hollow wind blowing cold and heavy which is what exactly I felt when I stood in my home in Mylapore and I could hear the echoes of the past and my blurry eyes recalled every moment which is etched in my memory. A single bedroom house and five of us (My parents, brother, grandpa and me) used to stay...smaller walls making people closer and more tightly knit. We have been through it all...good times and bad times (ala Led Zeppelin) in that old place and it brings a smile and a tear whenever I sit back and reflect.

I will not talk about the cultural significances of Mylapore because its the most over-written subjects in recent times and it would only be an overdose of what not! Instead Ill touch upon certain aspects that have been memorable in my pages...the good, the bad and the ugly.

The proximity to everything is what keeps this place in top demand for any resident who wishes to settle in the suburbans. Everything is a stone's throw away...even the street dogs! What amazes me the most of this place is the diversity and the festive mood of the market even on a normal day, leave alone the ceremonial festivals and the recitals. Colorful people, plenty of them, draped in their best in any given moment and little boys with pig-tailed priests chanting the morning verses roaming from door to door for bhikshaam. Religion is the core that binds Mylapore...be it any entity or form, its all there and in every street there is either a temple or a mosque or a church that keeps people in the right and moral frame of mind. There is some sanity amidst the chaos that surrounds this bustling settlement.

Let me describe T.Nagar now...a commercial hub (and what a shift from a religious hub!) and shopping is the word that comes to ones mind and this attracts people from all over the 'state' and this is one helluva crowd puller. There is something for everybody and nothing for nobody...well, you can figure that one out now. A husbands nightmare and a wife's paradise...a guys sight seeing zone and a girl's holiday spot...a foodies heaven and pedestrians challenge. A complete residential area where Pondy Bazaar forms the spine from head to tail. What keeps people coming is the affordability and the markets galore. Colour, lights, people and money...its all here and whoever comes to Chennai from wherever in India doesnt miss Pondy Bazaar. Well sadly, im not far away from this place...just a stone's throw...(like I said earlier)!

But there is an ugly side to this all...people are so cold here. When we shifted to our new place, not a soul from the neighbours to even say a Hi! People keep tellin me that its the same wherever we go but Id like to differ with them. This was the worst welcome we had ever recieved...like we werent welcome...there wasnt any anyways!!! Even a nod of the head and a pleasant smile is like a rare sight...I really dont know why people are so scared of even acknowledging neighbours. Guess they knew I was coming (ahem ahem!). But on a serious note...its an apartment but with no one around. The only way I think I can get people talkin or waking up might be by blasting my music which is the best medicine Id reckon.

But hey, this is something Im looking forward to. Its a new place, new people and new dreams and hopes lying ahead of me. Its a tough world and Im willing to face it eye to eye and I hope its fun...else theres nothing worth fighting for. My writing hopefully should take a new direction with all the new things in life and this is very exciting to me especially. The breeze is something that keeps us calm (this is better than Mylapore for sure). But what the hell...isnt change the only constant. Well, time in Mylapore was certainly memorable and it was a good start and a sad end. Its been a little dull for a start here...hopefully things should look up in a few days when the apartment knows that the darkknight is just around the corner!!!

Twin Tryst Spin!

2009-04-30T22:53:00.024+05:30

Well, After a fuzzy ride back home, speeding my way through madness, I looked forward to this wedding reception which I was to attend. This particular ride back home was a little shaky because Im so used to riding back home in the night and to ride in the dusk was something of a change to me. So much so, I was indeed a little amazed and in this forethought, I did have a few close shaves. After reaching safe, I looked back and realised that I was lucky because I rode like I was drunk or like the other person was drunk. Either way...I was confused and I came back home in a hurry and got dressed to have a peaceful and pleasant evening (hoping my fuzziness was going away)...

Traditionally dressed, we stepped out and got hold of an auto to take us to this famous wedding hall called the MRC Hall. My mom began in the journey by telling me that it was one of the most expensive wedding halls and it was one of the best too. We I already began calculating the expenses if I had to have a wedding in a place which was at least 1/4th the cost (not literally though). Anyways, she was also explaining that weddings have now become a meeting point of unknown and unaware relatives who always surprise us by telling how old and tall we have become and how we were 2 feet tall an all of that hugs, hoopla and the hype. I was looking forward to that too...to be honest. In a few moments we were in the hall and it was buzzing with people. Oh before that, I must admit, the line of cars parked outside and the swarm of drivers and chauffers was just impressive.

Now to the main part of the story...the pleasant music of the mandolin began to soothe the mental agony of mine and I just began to settle in my chair and suddenly, a kid runs past through yelling on the top of her voice with her hands held high...I thought to myself that she was being chased by her other friends and many other kids who end up in weddings. In the next moment, recovering from that little run, curious to know who was chasing her, I turned my head and to my amusement, the girl's twin runs in the same way...and with the same yell. For a moment, I paused and laughed at myself...it took me a while to realize that they were twins...I did feel the effect of my fuzzy ride coming back to me.

More enough so, another awakening happened after those moments...another set of twins on stage with the bride's sister and in her arms, lay those 2 beautiful just borns...a boy and a girl though...their dresses gave it away and my mom close enough to confirm to me that they were indeed twins...that was my second sighting. A few moments and songs passed by from the band and I was just again settling down until I saw my next revelation of the day. A little girl, say 3 feet tall, steps out of the side of the reception stage and runs her way to the other side...kids day out I thought to myself...but the very next second, like a magic trick, when the one i saw disappeared, another one appeared from the same door and ran in the same direction as the previous one. This time, I let out a loud laugh and pretended to wake up from a dream, unsuccessfully though this time. My mom was again beside me to keep my reactions at a check and confirmed yet again that they were twins yet again. My right hand was now scratching my head and calculating my days proceedings to see if I was sane or...insane. More to know as I continue...

After our round of on-stage glory was over (posing and greeting) we stepped down to join the crowd, enjoying the evening concert and prepare our soul and mind for a hearty dinner. It was then a beauty passed by me and a whiff of her perfume, got hold of my sensors and my attention was directed to her immediately. Style and elegance was in every step of her walk and talk and I was loving every moment of it and like all good dreams popping at the bad time, my folks called me to watch the concert duel. As I turned to get to my chair, I turn to see the same face in a different get-up altogether. Same beauty, same perfume, same style and smile and this time I was floored (twice!). The first was in Black, and this was in Blue...and I was totally black and blued...another twin and this time I was in a total spin.

I thought it was one of those days where Ive been on a high like Ive never been drunk or stoned. What a day it was so far. Well, the worst was yet to come. To keep myself sane, I pushed my parents to go for dinner so that i could get away from all the madness and amidst all those efforts, I was again miscalculating and this time it was face-to-face. Firstly, this boy comes upto me in the crowd and calls out a name on the other side and then out of no purpose and curiosity, my head turns to see who in god's name was most wanted by this young boy...and it was none other than his brother...his twin brother. Now my head was spinning and I was almost laughing at myself...there was no use askin my mother about them now...it would only lead to a confusing family line of whose root line I wouldnt want to know..at least that day.

In all this chaotic moments, my hunger swarmed and hit me to the ceiling and this gave me an opportunity to relish my dinner and I overate, trying to forget what I had been through...struggle to sanity. What a spin this was today! After the paan and the kulfi dose, we stepped out bidding farewell to all known and unknown people and we left a story behind of how certain relatinships were and how they would continue. As we exited the mighty hall, another kid ran past us while were walking back home and I looked around to see if there was another following suit...none followed or looked similar to that. The next twin I saw that night was myself in the mirror...ironical, satirical and cynical, but true.

My tryst with the twins that day certainly prompted me to pen this down and I just couldnt stop thinking about it even after Ive penned it down. Like a disclaimer, this is this indeed is a true story and all the characters described were true and honsest descriptions. That day was truly an unforgettable twin spin...

Random Questions VII

2009-04-26T23:14:00.025+05:30

After a lot of contemplation, introspection, speculation, revelation, jubilation, desecration, contraction, construction, destruction, imagination, traction, fraction, action and education, I bring to you the 7th edition of Random Questions...here we go:

Isn't the IPL an overdose and excess of the mix of entertainment and sport?
Hasn't the war in Sri Lanka been used as propaganda in the current election campaigns?
Is there any respite to the summer heat since the evolution of mankind?
Has anyone assessed need and necessity vs luxury?
How much wood is required to print a currency note?
Will the rising number of skyscrapers make the planet earth appear like it has spikes?
Why do kids talk about the English Premiere League like they coach them or own them?
Has the election become a stage to hate speeches and exercise ones throwing skills?
Does killing ones family or themselves bring back lost jobs?
How fair is it for IPL to have made Bollywood actors as owners, who don't know the game or talk on the game?
Do rich candidates stand in campaigning parties stand to earn people's respect or earn their savings?
Why is it that people break the one way road policy when it is painted, written and announced? Who's uneducated now?
With the Tata Nano hitting the roads soon, where will parking space come from? How much more will we pollute this planet?
Do you know that every grain of food we waste or demand, is a grain of food begged for in another place on this earth?
How can India be a developed nation when women are still being raped, ill-treated, ill-spoken, ridiculed, disrespected and disowned?
Why are companies sacking those people who once generated revenues for monstrous MNCs?
Shouldnt entreprenuership be the call of the economic downturn?
How do we know that the water we drink is clean?
Where does the wastes and rejects from renowned and established factories end up or get mixed into?
Are there even pucca roads and rail connecting each village and town in this country?
Are allotted budgets for any given government project fully utilised? Where does it get swallowed?
Will law makers and law protectors ever mutually exist and care about the country and its people than fighting among themselves?
Why is this terrorist, who infiltrated our country on a dinghy boat, carrying heavy weaponry, killing innocent citizens and people, still alive and well? What are we trying to prove what is already evident?
Does it take an election promise 5 years to be fulfilled, provided they survive that long?
Who decides the fate of the nation when it has been a democratic choice for so long? Where have we gone wrong? Can we get it right this time?

I feel better, now that I have expressed my views on what is happennig in my (sorry, our) country. I hope this series has brought about a fire, more than a food for thought as we near the day we decide the fate of this nation. This is our only chance and it will take another 5 years to rectify if we dont get this right.

Please cast your vote and do not ignore your power to decide who is to run this nation and do keep in mind the Tata Tea 'Jaago Re' Ad. Till the next cut is delivered...Jaago Re!

Purely Elemental Synchronization?

2009-04-12T17:25:00.029+05:30

There are moments that last forever and there are some that last for a minute. According to me, the most fondly remembered moments are those that last forever. But these moments can take just minutes to happen and need not necessarily take its own sweet time. Those who are able to carefully observe and capture them are the lucky ones for sure as they are just in the right place in the right moment. Wonder where I am heading with this? Does this have any connect with the title? Read on if you are intrigued...

All of my weekends are both sporty and relaxed...and this weekend was no different. I was on my way back home on my two wheeler from my friends place where we regularly played cricket. It was a touch late and my hands were accelerating like I had no control over it, an unusual hurry I thought. I usually play music when I ride to take care of my distractions while riding...it could be a rule breaking or a traffic jam or just a pleasant person that holds my attention. At most times, the tempo and the rhythm of the music, determines the kind of ride I have and this is so true and in most of my rides. Wherever I am, I tend to deeply observe the people and their mannerisms a lot and also the environment in which I am in while I ride or travel generally. But the best place to really think about these things in detail would be during a signal stopping and Ive had my share of some great moments and some odd ones too...bet its the same whoever is reading it this far.

On this evening, at a specific signal stop at R A Puram (near Kaliappa Hospital), while the red was working fine, the amber wasn't and was flickering like an ECG count. Amidst this, there is a high tempo song going on in my MP3 player and this builds up to what I am to explain. The rate at which the amber was flickering was beginning to match with the song playing in my ears and this synch was magical to witness. What a feeling! Above this, to make things better, there was another tempo in which the vehicle was beating when it was on idle and this too had matched exactly to the song in my ears. This was just getting better and I was the only one smiling in the junction and everyone else grim, waiting to be unleashed at the sight of the green signal. But the icing on the cake was up next...the cars ahead of me were to take a left from the signal and their indicators were blinking to signal their intentions. The synch extended and this time it matched with the indicator flickering rate and this was just amazing. The only thing I could do was jus to clap once in true amazement and laugh to myself to what I had just witnessed. For a moment I dint realize that the train of thoughts of the others was derailed by this and they seem to be a little perturbed and also a touch amused...who cared!!!

All of this took place in a span of say hardly two minutes and it was just brilliant and I was perhaps the only person smiling at that signal point at that moment when the others were fuming or just emotionless. For the first time, I dint want the signal to turn green...I was in such child like joy in just witnessing the synch of light and sound. According to me, our attentions has always been pulled by light or by sound and when both happen together, it is a sight to behold and we wouldnt mind swaying our heads or shaking a leg to feel good, wouldnt we?

These are moments we cannot resist but smile about and such small things are the most remembered and cherished. So let me now throw open this field to all and ask you to think about certain instances when light and sound have synched and where you have been the only witness (well not necessarily) where others werent fortunate to even know what you had felt...think about this and see how we can all find small patterns that bring us a big smile in grim moments. I honetsly feel that the elements of light and sound defines and encompasses all what we call essential and important to all life forms.

At the edge of these thoughts, like all breaking dreams at the wrong moments, the green signal finally gave people their passports to their destinations...patience tested and certified. After a quick wake up call by the vehicle behind to get me moving, I raced off quick but calm...homeward bound after witnessing what I call purely an event of Elemental Sychronization!

Random Questions VI

2009-03-27T16:18:00.014+05:30

After observing the world for a month...here is a rapid-fire round of questions that may not need answers...but may give food not for hunger but for thought...

Why Is the word 'Love' abused to such incesteous extents?
Will politicians ever stop running their mouths wherever there is a camera running?
Does getting to power mean aligning or de-aligning with friends?
Why do people in South India dance to celebrate birth...and death?
Are movies meant to spend people earnings or earn people's spendings?
Why is that some countries want to be known as the best for the worst reasons?
If elders view metal music to mental madness do youngsters view carnatic music to cardiac arrests?
Does the success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire mean the success or the failure of India?
Is it worth living with what you have or to live with what one wants?
Does one man's fame reflect the teams effort of just his own?
What if all the Indians working everywhere in the world are told to go back home?
Is the amount of e-waste going to exceed the amount of bio-waste in the future?
Will there ever be a last song because how many songs can human beings ultimately create?
Is The Matrix based on a concept that can be true?
How will the aliens view our planet and the way we lead our lives?
Does help from within come without expectations?
Are melting glaciers and erupting volcanoes a sign of the end?

So much so for the end of the financial year and a hopeful start to another one...so pay your taxes and save your souls! Till the next cut of questions arise...

Happy Holi - Day!!!

2009-03-11T12:59:00.023+05:30

This feeling begins from my office desk where its all quiet and buzzing with work and echoing with loud conference calls. What I do then? I open Google and try to search a wallpaper which will brighten any worked up soul around. I search typing apt words simply stating - Happy Holi...and I am so happy by just watching it appear on my desktop. I am the only one even recognizing it in my office and I am not amused. As you might have already figured out, its not a holiday, this being a national festival.

The last time I played Holi was 4 years back when I was doing my MBA in Bangalore. That was the roughest, toughest, rowdiest and the most colorful Holi I had ever played. But the most fun and the light hearted of all was when I was in Delhi where I was pursuing my schooling in 1991 - 92 and from 1997 - 2001. The true spirit of the festival was at its best when I was in Delhi and I am proud to say that I had been there and celebrated it along with like minded souls. Most looked at me at that time as a South Indian celebrating Holi...according to me, I was an Indian from South celebrating a national festival. Symbolically this festival negates any drawn boundary and wipes out any given enemity from face of this earth.

Surprisingly, when I tried to celebrate this when I was back in Chennai to pursue my B.Com, many thought I was bringing a North Indian culture and refused to celebrate simply saying its not a part of our culture. I was amazed and shocked to see some people's reactions and I was petrified to see some people hating the festival because their clothes would get colored and dirty. Well, what could I say? During my days in Delhi, I was the brat when it came to the playground and all the senior citizens in the apartment would hate our gang for breaking the window panes or hitting the ball into their balconies and creating a racket or a little riot and what not. And to my surprise, when we all assembled at the Quadrangle (the name of our apartment garden) to celebrate Holi, all those who despised us, welcomed us in open arms and did not shy an inch from applying colors to them or splashing colored water on them. What joy to see them become one among us and us becoming one among them.

On a lighter note, Holi also served a purpose of mending broken relationships, strained friendships, budding foes and especially secret romantic escapades. These moments are special to all of us because its this time that we get the closest chance one would get to get that glimpse or conversation or that touch...the sheer magic of colors. We all have been through this so theres nothing to be ashamed about now!!! Anyways, I would now leave this to the imagination of those who have been through it and wish not to hurt the sentiments of those who have had otherwise.

Coming to the current reality, given a chance, corporates would scrap this festival down the drain and would ensure that work is at its peak when we find a reason to celebrate. Like the sacrificial lamb of the financial year, festivals like Holi take a beating and continue to be a college or school going kid's or a jobless or a retired citizen's festival. Especially MNCs which have no clue about the significance of Holi. Leave alone that, I work in an Indian company and even they have not declared this day off! Some people just dont like to see others celebrate right? Especially if its towards the last month of the Financial Year!!!

But whatever said and done, the moments surrounding this special festival is just unique and the only theme or feel is just happiness. The sudden water balloon attacks, bombarding passers by with bucket of color water from the 4th floor, welcoming strangers and applying gulals the tilaks and giving them Bhaang and Mithaais especially Gujjia, dancing and singing like there was no tomorrow, water guns and sprays and the battle of the water balloons, free hugs, etc.

On a more factual mode, Holi marks the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring. The festival breathes an air of romance and social merriment. It is said that on this day, people befriend even their enemies and make a new beginning. This festival, as I had mentioned is about letting go whatever has happened and enjoy life together with family and friends. To read and know more on the festival of Holi, do check out - http://www.thecolorsofindia.com/holi.html

Keeping this in mind, I have one question to ask those who shun away from such culturally significant celebrations - What is it that you have against celebrating such joyous occasions?

And I have another question also - Knowing that all our bosses are our enemies, can they or we reconcile at least on this day and request for a 'holi-day' to celebrate this relationship in peace and in joy?

I am still in search of these answers...in the meatime, heres wishing you all a very happy Holi!!!!!!

Crash Boom Bang!

2009-03-05T14:47:00.017+05:30

Technology has been my source of inspiration for a while and I have lived on it for the last 4 1/2 years. Sadly, my moment of glory has come to a grinding halt...and it has come to a stage where I am evaluating my interests in life and reassessing to find other avenues to get into. The sad demise of my next best friend has caused a lot of pain and turmoil which has troubled me no end. Yes, I am talking about my laptop...

People say that you do not know the value of something until you have lost it and I would second that. Its like a love lost and it hurts a lot. In the last 4 1/2 years, I never knew I would get so emotionally involved and deeply connected like Broadband that it took such a toll on me when all of this happened. In my days of singledom, my laptop was my solace and my e-soul mate. Now as I type these words down, its like a confession statement which I have to get out of my system before I get another Laptop in my life...

I know it sounds like a dreadful and tragic love story but that has what has kept me going in the last few years. My day used to begin by waking up and immediately switiching on my laptop and lining up some playlists I would have created to start my day. Then all one would hear is my yelling parents and my remedy taking neighbors and me in bliss...after all of that hungama...refreshing and readying for work...the mayhem has still not finished...till I step out the door...the music has to play. So much so...theres another music that plays when I go to office...the song of the boss!!!

Back home and I am back to my Machine!!! The internet (mankinds best invention) keeps me connected with my friends and foes and since I am away, I can only chat...phones are expensive so chat helps financially...so now one can imagine the dependency! Then comes the case of music and video - viewing and downloading...well what can I say...the reason for moving away from TV - music and videos on demand!!!

Now if there wasnt anyone online to talk to...it served a purpose of my outlet...my poetry. Another reason why I forgot how my handwriting once looked. Editing became easy and conevnient and life became a lot easier with respect to my writing and this was another side of the story.

Weekends im totally with my laptop and this time its movies and concerts...if this DVD drive actually had a life...it would have cried in pain and in pleasure...no puns intended here! Just that, by playing the best of stuff that I had, to the worst of stuff that I have played on it...it sure has more chances of being raped inside out and I paid the price of it...not once but twice. Yup the drive was replaced before warranty got over...lucky me!

Well, when I was in college, we had a Quiz Club that we with great zeal and enthusiasm created and my laptop was by default the master laptop for every possible event...all the brilliant work we did was on it...and on others too. Beyond that, was certainly used for heavy duty games and heavy music...what else for!

Time has passed and my fingers are now numb, hollow and about to peel off with the amount of typing and claiming to be the fastest in the peer group! Here I am now...after all of that fun and fad...missing every moment...i mean it...four and a half years! All my poetry in the last 5 years was written on that, all the movies were seen on that, all the music heard on that, games, chatting, mails, friends, everything....I was the person connected to the world...

Today, as I type (not write) these words, I am disconnected, silenced, dejected, destroyed and decimated. I am as closed to unemployed can be when I come back home and I feel I have lost it all. Soon it was that I recovered though...but as they say, theres a little empty space in my heart that will be filled someday...but the first love is what is remembered forever. It sure has been a life of technology but I just figured out that this was too mortal to even be depending on...and that technology is not what runs life...we run it! We give it the life we want...selfish...sad but true!

Random Questions V

2009-02-28T21:09:00.017+05:30

In the shortest month of the year, I present to you a list of the longest standing issues that have been hovering over my head in February...

Who draws the line between decency and indecency?
Did the gods never drink and laugh in merry?
Does one go to court to hire lawyers anymore?
In god we trust, in hooligans do we rely?
After the change in the Bush Presidency, has Obama begun 'The Change' he had promised?
Will aging and dying politicians ever retire?
Dont we need more people to work to save the world from this recession?
What will it take a wanting heart to express what matters most?
Will the Grammy Awards ever go to the ones deserving in the right category?
Will more Rock Bands come to perform India this year?
Will weddings be a goldless affair with the soaring prices?
Who dictates the outcomes of the prices of oil and fuel?
Are the wicked driven by misplaced desires and infatuated possibilities?
Does the celebration of Love need to be thwarted with the wings of hate?
Why do bosses preach values to the outside when they dictate madness from within?
Do we still e-mail even when sit acorss our cubicles?
Do you know how much 'speaking it out' helps when one is troubled?
Does the world know what 'Jai Ho' means to us?

Hope this edition is as edible and digestible like the month that has passed by without a trace. Till the next cut is delivered, rest in peace with the well deserved award Heath...you will never be forgotten!!!

Are Marriages Nuptial or Gordian?

2009-02-22T11:37:00.022+05:30

Off late my email inbox has been carrying at least 3 wedding invitations each week and i expect this to continue till May 2009...and this is a storm of marriages of my friends all over India and some who return from overseas to tie the knot as well. Let me give you all a typical shade of what it is to be like the invitees and the people who invite. Any wedding in the city is governed by something called "muhurtam" which is the most auspicious time of the year when one can tie the knot. This is the crux of all the planning and execution for a perfect wedding. And mind you...the whole city is planning for the same onslaught...its mind boggling but this is organized chaos at its best!

Let me take the city I live in as a scenario and give you a taste of what is it when I say its raining marriages! In Chennai, getting a hall is a mighty challenge and is like a literal manhunt to any side of the family. So all of this is planned when the engagement takes place and instead of doing first things first, the hall is planned and decided for. Once all of that is done, the shopping spree begins and all of the hoopla follows. Family, relatives, neighbours, friends and foes...all have to be informed of the event of the lifetimes and this is in these days done through phone calls and e-mails...yeah, gone are the days of door to door invites. In the name of cost cutting we have E-Cards to the entire population and a small PS stating...'please consider this as a personal invitation'.

Problems multiply when you end up marrying a girl / guy from a different background (State/caste/religion) about whose style and where it is to take place. Ill leave that decision and discussion open to those who like an ideal setting. Besides that, in days of recession, some like it to see it in 2 ways...keeping it simple and the other is to just celebrate like its no one business. And by this, the costs are governed and so do the arrangements thereon.

Let me zap to the moments before the wedding...jittery feelings of the groom or the bride before the week of the wedding...from 'What have we forgotten' to 'Whom all have we forgotten' and all the noise that follows. All of this is such a scene to watch especially when you are the relative or the friend just giving company to the protagonists in the tale. Sometimes we end up laughing being the audience or really worked up being the person behind the scenes ensuring that alls in place...thats when sometimes sweat and tears roll down...and thats when we think, its all worth it at the end of it all.

Now to the invitees...well, what can I say, if you have friends from all over the place and you want to ensure that no one misses the moment. Sometimes the groom and bride take charge and send reminders but hey, its becoming too corporate these days with a lot of delegation to closest of friends to spread the word and make the arrangements. Thats what I call, 'Best Practices'. Friends of mine have had check lists and people responsible for each item or event and hell they make sure nothing falters...such is the ability to track and check progress. In these events, money is not seen as an excuse...results do.

Day of the wedding...or should I say, night of the reception? A new trend of having the reception prior to the day of the wedding is something that has baffled and amazed me a little. Most do it for convenience but totally defeat the meaning and purpose of the event...but hell...it helps friends like me who just cannot plan time on weekdays to spend a few hours with good old friends forwishing them well...coz we are at our boss's mercy and we only seem it possible to find a saturday or a sunday the best time to step out for events. When will we learn to spend weekdays cheerfully and find a way out from our cubicle and glass buildings?

Anyways, to the point back again...out of necessity and lack of availibility, wedding halls end up in the corners of the city and even in towns that have once in a lifetime accessibility. But hey, whos asking coz its my best friends wedding!!! These weddings does give us a chance to tell us that there are places beyond the city that are worth venturing to having a city-free wedding...who knows...probables and next in line like me are in the mindful search for halls and venues! Doubts of to take the bus or ur own vehicle is another doldrum which might push our departure by 30 mins and this is another contributing factor to weddings looking like a literal excursion. Next comes the gift...last minute purchases, for oneself or for the gang...collecting the funds from them is another hilarious story by itself, but selecting from a gamut of necessaries to disposable is another task. But I'll leave that again to the imagination to those who are reading this and preparing themselves to get a gift for another weekend wedding.

The journey to the wedding venue is the next best part. This is when I see the whole city in their best and filling all possible transport modes to find their ways to their venues...and this is when organized chaos is at its best. Imagine the whole city just mishing and moshing on normal streets that you would find speechless on a normal day...buses and cars snaking their ways through immovable and careless publich wanting to stomp their dominance on the roads by feet! Blood, Sweat & Tears...yes, most travelling couples with kids and relatives end up doing mid way in traffic filled streets and small lanes trying to find their ways in a newly found part of the city they thought that didn't exist. All in all...a mini stock market scenario in the pre-computerised days. The routes are all color studded and jewel shining with all people emptying their lockers for this one day and another to tell the co-passenger that we too are on our way to a wedding!

At the venue now...Relatives, friends, foes and finally the bride and the groom...young souls and the veteran champs donning the floor with style and panache inviting the looks of envy and gossip. The aroma of the scents of every possible brand is in the air and is inviting an encounter of sorts. Meeting people whom we havent met in dogs years and meeting people whom we have tried to evade in the last decade or so...man! This all counts to what is an event filled evening. The blaring music is another distraction that blasts the speakers to dust. Sometimes it can be use to let people scream on the top of their vocal chords and let them know that they were still inaudible and to some as a reason to just say what you want to say without any restrictions...the music better not stop at this moment! Dancing with anyone on the floor and holding anyones hand...its a lot of fun. Posing for the cameras on stage trying to beat the likes of the groom and the bride, taking a trip of the most overly dressed character to the most lost out nerds to the love struck bride and groom...all of it counts and all of it is a lot of fun.

The food is next on my menu...and I mean it. Its a menu 2 pages long and most times we have it on the leaf or its the buffet...and this is where the cameramen are their bantering best! Capturing moments of kids, grown ups and the youth at dinner is just one of the best places to do so...and I will yet again leave this subject here to the imagintion of those who have been caught what they like doing best...enjoying every variety of dishes whole heartedly...nothing wrong right? And then the dessert and the 'Paan' moments...remniscing on the past and wishful future, discussing on the economy and the current recession, gathering contacts, exchanging numbers, greetings, hugs and then the bugs. After all of this is over, the final goodbyes and farewells with those whom we have met first, met after ages, didnt want to meet and those whom we want to meet again. All the sights and sounds and many things to look forward to, new friendships and new likings..all of this is part of the deal when one wishes to attend an Indian Wedding.

All of this counts and its all a lot of fun and worth all the pain I narrated...the best form of organized chaos and family bonding and friendly affairs. Post mid-January is the best time to get married and as I type this, I have another invite knocking my mailbox and this is in Lucknow...well...will it be worth it? To answer this, we can see the same event of any marriage in two ways - is it about tying the blissful nuptial knot or is it about untying the ever mystic gordian knot? If its either...then you must have got your answer by now...

Colour Me Red!

2009-02-08T20:28:00.025+05:30

In the entire solar system's milky way galaxy, the only planet that is colored red is Mars, named after the Roman God of War. Most explanations deem that it is the soil that gets its color by the presence of Iron Oxide on its surface. Planet Earth on the other hand is the most distinct and colorful planet in our solar system that any alien that whizzes past through might think of paying it a little visit or invade like no ones business (ala hollywood flicks). It is also said that through satellite images, the lights in the night in each major city are at times visible from outer space. You must be wondering why am I talking about Astronomy and where am I heading at. Let me get to the core of this...

In Africa, they say that the color of the soil has actually emerged from the sufferings of the local people and tribes that have lived over centuries. The color of the soil what defines them as people and their history...wonder why they call it the Dark Continent. There has been no shortage of intent from mankind of even settling down in peace. Some even think peace is more costly and is harder to maintain, hence the need to battle it out for supremacy and to think what is right for oneself and the others subsequently...darker the soil, the bloodier the history.

In war and conflict stricken nations, so many children and youth have halted their schooling and in that frustration have turned to extreme measures to support themselves and their families. Some are still shrouded and shocked with all that has happened and still measuring the loss incurred...some have moved on. The physical and emotional damage has been irreversible to some and has been permanent to many...most of us as witnesses and more of the victims have not been able to forget and forgive certain atrocities that have been committed over the last few centuries...in fact ever since mankind started penning down its past. In fact, I was finding it difficult to imagine the number of lives lost in the last century. I do not want to go before that era because the last century has been well documented. I intend to count from World War I to the current situation in the Middle East and in the Sub Continent.

Looking at the world now, the wave of hatred that has been spread and the flood of blood that has been shed has certainly put this thought in my mind. At this rate, we are soon bound to color this planet red...yes with our own blood. Most of the violence that has stemmed from religion, people and places, has continuously marred so many lives and must have stalled this world's progress and possibilities at least by about a century. If only we had channelised that anger and fury in a more constructive way!

Arent we bleeding this planet to death...to our own ends? Arent we killing what is giving life? Are we bulleting this planet to the dephts? Will this all see an ending? Will this bring upon peace or will the wars wage on till there is no left to kill? Will the only color we see or our next generations will know be Red?

Will the pen be ever mightier than the sword?

The end of the beginning...

2009-01-28T22:39:00.006+05:30

The 2009 IIT Saarang - Opeth Concert Review (my review was featured in the website http://www.headbangers.in/)

It was on the 25th of January 2009 when Chennai witnessed one of the biggest metal bands in the world descend upon IIT Chennai in its annual fest titled Saarang. Firstly, a big kudos to the organizers who delivered what they had promised – Opeth.

The entire buzz about this Swedish metal band was so electrifying that the Open Air Theatre (OAT) was like a volcano about to erupt…and it did. The setting sun made way to the darkness that engulfed the OAT and aptly setting the stage for a night with the country’s most promising bands to display their skills. The crowd slowly filled in as time passed and soon it was jam packed keeping up with the age old tradition of the IIT Saarang.

At precisely 6.45pm, amidst the opening fireworks that pounded the sky like it was war, Mumbai based opening Demonic Metal act Demonic Resurrection waltzed in and literally sounded so tight that they would have snapped any moment. Beginning their metal journey in the year 2000 the band (with regular line-up changes) has since then released 3 albums and has garnered rave reviews throughout the metal world.

The brutal riffing and growls compounded with precision based double bass drumming ensured that all heads at the IIT Saarang were swirling in the right direction. With limited time in their hands, the band promised to pound as many songs as possible and they dutifully did so without further ado beginning with a monstrous epic number entitled Spirits of the Mystic Mountains to their last and most well known number, Frozen Portrait. Mid way, Apocalyptic Dawn saw the band at its best and kept the crowd asking for more but with 4 ear splitting songs, the time constraint in mind saw them bow out in their well achieved metallic–glory of opening for Opeth.

The obvious felt pleasure of giving a chance for an Indian act opening for this global metal act was well received and the band members were gladly vocal and open about it. A massive roar from the crowd to acknowledge and support what had just been mentioned by the band in its statement.

In no time did the next astounding band set their equipment on stage and readied themselves to stun people and literally hold their feet to the ground with one of the most spellbound performance of the evening. Enter the arena, Cochin based Mother Jane and the OAT was still dazed after Demonic Resurrection’s opening assault. A bit of tell-a-tale had passed in the air of how long these talented musicians have been around in the Indian Metal or rock scene. In no time they delivered the goods and stood up to their cult following throughout the country since their inception way back in 1996.

In the opening moment of silence came in a voice singing the opening lines ‘Thaka Thakita Thaka Thakita’ of Chasing the Sun, from their latest and critically acclaimed album Maktub and then entered the band members with their faces painted (in connection with their latest album Maktub signifying that we are human and we have a spirit) and then it was all the way looking forward to what was one of the best performances of the evening. The band proved its versatility and brilliance with its carnatic laced-lead solos and off beat rhythm sections and structured drumming, flamboyant and flawless vocals and rhythm sections that fell in place like it was their own playground. The crowd were silent on their toes most of the time through Mother Jane’s songs and a little dumbstruck but the ovation at the end of each song and after the entire performance ensured that it wasn’t a different feeling and that most of them were actually in a trance including me.

Belting some of their well known tracks like Mindstreet (a different version) & Maya to numbers from their latest album, the highly acclaimed Maktub like, Broken, Before one Million comes one, Blood in the apple (a dedication to Bush and Osama by the singer) and closing with Karmic Steps, the band sensationally made it a night to remember under the star lit sky and the fireworks that later decorated the skies after each performance.

At 8pm, the opening acts were done with their respective assaults and had left behind an immortal performance by all means. After the initial battle was won, the war cry of another name began filling the air and engulfed the amphitheatre like it was a gladiator’s call for the final onslaught. The final act’s name was called for, chants were sung, which is like a prequel to any major performance…‘Opeth, Opeth, Opeth, Opeth….’ And at about 8.30pm, the ‘Grammy Nominated’ Swedish metal act had descended upon the stage and delivered the most memorable and the heaviest concert that each Indian was waiting for with abated breath.

The decibel level in the crowd erupted and shot through the open skies as band leader, singer and chief song writer Mikael Åkerfeldt walked in amidst the eerie smoke effects and red lit stage and strummed his first notes and then to be joined by his other members, Martin Mendez on bass guitar, Per Wiberg on the keyboards, Martin "Axe" Axenrot on the drums & percussion and Fredrik Åkesson on the rhythm and lead guitars.

Coming off their global tour supporting their critically acclaimed latest album, Watershed, Opeth belted some of the album’s epic numbers with merciless precision and fury which rang in the theme of ‘Death’ throughout of the songs as subtly mentioned by Mikael. With utmost calm and meaning just business, the band busily kept pounding some insane heavy metal riffs with some phenomenal interludes which had the melody and clean vocals and was complemented well by the radical drumming that swirled the crowd from one end of sanity to the other end of meaning. After letting the crowd know that they were mightily pleased to be there, their promise to play a long set-list like never before did bring in a huge roar from the jam packed audience who were longing for this assault.

Despite requests to the people in the back row to not to push the ones in the front, the hapless security got the help of Mikael himself to bring a little sanity to the mayhem they had brought upon for a start. After the initial dose to their kind of music, the crowd certainly got every ‘rupee’ worth every moment of Opeth as they swam through the ocean of metal and presented their best material from their 19 year old career spanning 9 albums and many accolades globally. Some in the crowd were inducted in their kind of music and others who did not have a clue were left stranded and wanting to know more. For those who knew the band and its music, it was nothing short of metal brilliance personified and it certainly laid to rest all the myths and shattered all disbeliefs that metal was dead…its alive and kicking for sure.

Some of the best numbers that the Opeth came through in their epic performance including 2 encores were Heir Apparent, The Grand Conjuration, Godhead's Lament, The Lotus Eater, Wreath, Bleak, Hope Leaves, Deliverance, Night and the Silent Water, Demon of The Fall, Baying of The Hounds and The Drapery Falls. With each song spanning an epic 7 – 8 minutes on an average the band showcased their metal influences and writing skills with the interludes as magical and eerie as possible with mosterous rhythm riffing, skilled lead guitaring and booming bass backed well with pounding drum rolls, thundering bass beats and a less prominent but a power packed keyboard performance. In the entire performance, each member had his moment of glory and left the entire crowd asking for more till the encore quenched all their metal thirst for the times to come.

Many issues like the usual sound and mixing problems did arise but all of that was certainly dismissed as the performance by all the bands progressed to lift people from all technicalities and just their hands showing the devil horned sign and their scream to get the show going as ‘Energy’ was the mantra of the evening and it was simply phenomenal.

At about 11pm, a final bow by Opeth and the metal express halted and the feast had ceased and silence prevailed soon with another round of fireworks signalling a victorious end to the concert and a big farewell to the 2009 IIT Saarang that made all of this possible. Many fans went back dazed and still in disbelief that they had witnessed one of the world’s biggest metal acts in ‘Chennai’ which some regard as a conservative city when compared to Bangalore.

With Iron Maiden coming to Bangalore yet again in February 2009 for their wrap up of the ‘Somewhere back in Time’ tour, this year surely seems to have gotten onto a rocking start and promises a lot for our country to be toured by world class acts and also a chance for our Indian bands to set foot on stage and rub shoulders with some of metal’s legends. May this be the end of the beginning…

Random Questions IV

2009-01-27T10:51:00.029+05:30

Here is the 4th edition but the first set of 2009's randomness amidst all the mayhem in our minds; something worth pondering over in the coming times...

Is there a license to hooliganism in the name of religion?
What for a Padma Shri Award for Aishwarya Rai and Akshay Kumar?
India's real and only friend is the US?
Is the greed for zeroes driving the path of 'Truth'?
Where can one hide when the earths a sphere?
Isn't the belief in good because of the existence of evil?
Is the hype-overdose to any given event or situation sensational enough?
Has invincibility finally evaded Australian cricket?
Has safety for women gone to the dogs even after 59 years being a republic?
Will we ever execute the perpetrators of 26/11?
Do government office forms still need the peon's nod to pass a recommendation?
Does first love ever cease to exist?
Will the earth ever stand still?
Can we spare a thought to the children in the war stricken far East?
Will we be diseased of technological virus than the biological one?
Will there be a reincarnation as mentioned in the holy books to rid this world of its evil?
Can we as common people, question and stand for what is right and what is wrong?
Can we edit our past, sketch our future and script our present?
How many more trees do we cut to create the paper to read for our entire lives?
Will there be a WWIII in reality than in Video Games?
Isn't sanity defined by those who are aware of the insane?
Do we make the law to break the law?

Do ponder and mull over this dose till the next cut of random mind missiles are delivered soon...

The 'Devil' in us...

2009-01-18T15:45:00.038+05:30

We have evolved over the years and so have our beliefs and faiths in numerous religions that proclaim the existence of a divine power. The fact that we are able to identify with something good is because of the presence of evil. It is in darkness that we seek a light and it is darkness that engulfs light. Since I haven't seen God yet, I had found solace that since we are created by the divine power, we have a little God in ourselves. But at the same time, we are able to act otherwise in some situations because there is a Devil in us.

Divine creation is a little smarter than I thought and we are certainly a mix of both good and evil. We fear what we do not know and we worship that which protects. It is interesting that at times people worship people and they fear the same kind...mankind itself! The fact that wildlife has its own philosophy that hasn't changed since its evolution, mankind on the other hand, has evolved and in this process has constructed and defined what is right and wrong. I find this absolutely intriguing and amazing that we possess what is unique and only a few who are willing to accept or even be aware of what is inside us. But I must admit, that those who are aware run the risk of switching preferences and might end up misusing their powers and do something totally uncalled for or unnecessary. Such an act by mistake is taken to the court for justice but the act by choice will be dealt with in another court of justice. Let me give an explanation of how it feels if you are aware that you possess good as well as the touch of evil.

The mind is a really weird instrument which doesn’t sleep and tends to work like a madman. To some people it is relentless and gives a lot of ideas and tricks to tackle situations and bring a solution...it’s a ticking time bomb to some and a calm as a sage to some. I feel that’s how the term 'Brilliant Minds" seems to have evolved…has anyone said ‘Brilliant Hearts’? The mind sees logic and calculates by possibilities and to the human mind, possibilities are endless and hence the freedom to think beyond sanity. The thought that crosses the line most often leads to a point of no return which some of us might deem inappropriate or sane. To me the mind in man’s hand is the devil in us, and an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

The heart, on the other hand, beats the emotions into our heads besides the blood to back up the thoughts of the mind and this is critical in the context. The heart is a gift to mankind and this is what separates us from what is sane and insane. Judgments and decisions taken by the mind are validated by the heart and this is the litmus test to see if the decision can be released in the open or withheld before other considerations can be taken. Some judgments based from the heart may at times lack the logic and this might take us to a point where we may not want to consider the evidence or the facts. This is where independently the heart might screw up the mind a little bit. Food for thought? To me, the heart in man’s hand is the god in us and when in full flow is like in trance.

Let me give a couple of examples that will help clarify and bring us to common ground. Most often when I am on the roads driving my way to work or any other destination, I come across a lot of incidents that boils my blood and drives me to a point of madness – Honking aloud, careless turns, over-speeding, non-indication, sharp turns, signal breaking, accidents etc. Now this affects my driving temperament and I do something unusual to let go off the devil in me. To be honest, I have the innate ability to visualise by my will and can run it like a well directed scene in my head. This helps me in a lot of ways and I have seen what I have wanted to see and choose to modify it if need be. During such road rage incidents, my mind plays the devil and wants to be unleashed at the trouble makers and break them to their bones. The heart plays the good role and instructs not to harm others around and so on and so forth. Being human, I see a need to satisfy both the evil side and the good side and hence there is a replica scene that I create where the devil is set free to do what it pleases and in those moments of hell, the devil is in its playground and I visualise brutal repercussions. The hunger for action and free will is at play and there is total annihilation with no force daring to halt the scene. After the dosage is done with, I switch off the devil and am back to reality…driving safe and sound with the incident far beyond my recollection.

Another example fora different angle – when a stunningly beautiful woman (for a man) or a man (for a woman) walks by and by witnessing so, our lusts and desires cloud our thoughts and intentions for sure…some can deny but it surely is a stimulus. The mind here is calculating what if he/she was mine and if it was so, what would the most desirable moment be and this according to me is natural and human…nothing wrong about doing this. The extent to how far we want to take this desire ahead does matter a lot and here comes the plot of the evil intentions and good motives. I can manage to visualise the endless possibilities to satisfy the devil in me and wade off the intentions in me so that my heart can dictate the terms of what deeds I can be known for. Sometimes people call me a sweet guy, (for which I try my best) because I give the devil a little chance and satiate its desire of all the wrong doings but which is only possible in the world I create for its existence. This is a point where the devil in me is satisfied and so is the god in me.

I feel it is necessary to touch the evil side because I believe that every possible beginning has an ending which is all for good. I always believe and I do so firmly that we all have two sides in us which we cannot deny...we believe in good because we fear the presence of evil and that we believe in god because of the devil. And in all of this, we are indeed a result of a divine creation that believed that the good cannot exist without the power of evil and evil cannot rule this world without the presence of the good. According to me, we humans are a mix of the devil and the god.

Here is the end of my side of the story. There are decisions and actions that we take based on our thoughts only, by feelings only and some together based on thought and feel. Most often when both the mind and the heart work together the success rate is always higher. Hence it is critical to link the protagonist and the antagonist to create a purposeful plot and nullify an extreme or dominant outcome. The characteristics might differ from person to person but the ultimate objective is to connect the mind and the heart so that none go in their respective directions and create the chaos as perpetrated by evil intentions or by good motives.

Ultimately, the heart is like a judge and the mind like the executioner for most situations where judgments are required...

Random Questions - III

2008-12-30T11:29:00.009+05:30

Dodge this edition of chaos...Random Questions III...

Was 2008 eventful or forgetful?
Will Obama catch Osama?
Will there be another Indo-Pak war?
Isn't terror, the weapon of mass destruction?
Is the Recessiona beginning of the end or the end of the beginning?
Economy Downturn in India - bad for us and good for the boss?
Is the economic bailout package plan out only for the big boys like an excuse?
Are political parties wrapping up their mess for the sake of the next election?
Will we ever breathe oxygen in the free world?
Do we still buy water to drink when its a natures free gift?
Will paper money still rule our minds in the times to come?
Will going to work every morning ever end?
Do we work to earn, learn or enjoy in life?
Will we spend the rest of our lives in front of a PC or a laptop?
Have we forgotten to write and learned to type?
Will there be a day the earth will stand still?
Is extinction another word in the dictionary?
Will music be the same 10 years from now?
How much more new music can we create?
Have we ever danced like no one is watching?
Are we spending more than what we are earning?
Isn't music the only common religion across the world?
Are NBA players genetically modified?
When Bollywood can have Item Numbers, why are people protesting in IPL?
Is sex an art or a practice?
Will the sun ever run out of fuel?
Is there another universe beyond our solar system?
Will we ever get to meet an alien or will it be US's best kept secret?
Will India ever play in a Football World Cup finals?
Will our national sport (which is Hockey for those who might not know) ever be revived?
Will law colleges be a place to make the lawyer or break the law?
Will technology makes things so small that they may vanish into thin air?
Will the concept of winning become so boring that losing will become more dramatic?
Why so serious???

Immortal Triumph - II

2008-12-28T16:39:00.043+05:30

Continued from Immortal Triumph - I...

The venue - Vidyodaya School, T. Nagar, the date - Saturday, 30th August 2002, time - 7.30am. We assemble at the entrance and only 4 of us arrive after all the hype, tension and promises. Registrations would end at 8pm and most of my team was coming from each corner of the city. The only gear we had was 2 bats and that was it. The other clubs and colleges were already playing their matches as scheduled from as early as 6am. We were obviously late and worried. At close to 7.55 am, the whole team is together amidst the little quarrel we had and made our way in to the ground. We were met with mocks, insults and smiles that wrote...'here come the suckers all over for another shot at glory'. All we did was walk straight and smiled back...brave but stupid in that moment. Luck did play a big role this time around...good and bad...we were the last to confirm our participation and ours was the last match of the day...pitted against one of the toughest teams in the tournament...as the greats once said...fortune favours the prepared mind...hell it did!

Well, we then waited all day long, loitering and observing all the key teams and players. We did manage to strike some good conversations with officials and some of the dames too. All the time, we would come up with hilarious spin offs of on field antics and results that ruptures of laughter would erupt around us...we sure did keep everyone in lighter spirits. But in all the waiting, we kept our strategy secret and spoke nothing of it. It was simple but too powerful to be out in the open for other teams to evesdrop into...so we let out false strategies to those who were kind of mingling unnecessarily...and they did the needful of letting their captains know of what we were going to do...and then at about 3.30pm came our first game of the tournament...agains the supposedly unbeaten team in sometime...club from Vepery. We won the toss and elected to bat...Murali and I opened and what followed was a literally a slaughter...mayhem left, right and center. Many of the audience and the opposition players dropped their jaws at our onslaught and nothing but silence...in our secret demolition plan of anihilation we amassed 60 runs in 6 overs for an opening partnership and the last 2 overs garnering 24 runs...so 84 in 8 overs...record breaking numbers that day...more was to come. The hyped up team came out to chase this like it was a walk in the park...walk it was but not in the park...it was hell. Smart bowling, sharp fielding, quick captaincy proved too much to handle and they collapsed to a shameful 17 All Out in about 6 overs. Ranga our man in the match with 5 wickets and we went into the sunset with a soda in our hands...living to die another day...on our way out...we saw the trophy on display...golden and at least 2 feet tall. Beauty she was...the biggest trophy I was personally playing for...Vatsa was staring at the same and tol me...."I have never yearned for something in life...this is the only time I feel like winning..."...i replied..."Lets win it for you then!"

Day 2 of the tournament and we all were on time and ready to get into action and not letting us take the shed like we were outcasts...well, we ended up getting the first match of the day! This time it was a good opponent from SRM Eashwari...We lost the toss and ended up fielding, some good tight bowling effort from Ranga, Arvind, Jayadev and me, restricted them to about 60 odd runs in 8 overs. Chasing was good as ever and our demolition plan worked but not for too long and we gave our side a run rate of about 8 per over in the first 4 overs. Wickets then began to tumble and our saviour emergred from nowhere...Dhilip's patient partnership and a blitz from Jayadev. Yes...we required 18 runs in the last 3 overs with about 2 wickets left...and enter Jayadev. Nailbiting moments as dot balls came through and our asking rate was shooting up like mercury. Fed up with all the hooligan chants and crazy fielding placements, our hero set his foot down and smashed 3 sixes in one over to seal the match...all in all...so much so for the criticism, it was our road to the Semi-Finals. Shake hands all over and our next match was assigned with an hour's break...this time against another good team - SCVE (Sri Venkateshwara College of Engineering)...another test of wits and nerve by whoever fixed those matches...we were up for it.

The Semi-finals under the scorching sun and the blazing heat...luck made its way as we won the toss and got ourselves to bat first in a hope to set a big total...another 8 over game. SVCE was a good team and bowled tight...our demolition plan failed as the first 3 wickets fell cheaply leaving the middle order and the bowlers to put up a brave total we could bowl to. This time, our captain chipped in with an awesome knock under pressure that defined his character and credibility like never before...he stood for us and we managed a defendable 60 odd runs...not much but enough to put up a fight. SVCE got off to a flyer as their opening pair plundered runs at will and none of our plans worked...but then a flash of brilliance on the field turned the game in no time...2 run outs and both direct hits from our next hero...the wily Murali...the whoe ground for the first time erupted in sheer voilent cheer (I suspect this team did not end up on the friendly side during the tournament) and our support began to grow by now...the opposition and the organizers were stunned by the turnaround and our captain bowled a fabulous spell to choke them under pressure...desperate times had called for desperate measures by the oppoition when they accused Jayadev of chucking arm action...all of sprang like it was a riot and we mobbed the umpire asking for justice...Jayadev was the fastest bowler but totally awry but he could literally break a toe with a yorker...with a little help from my end, the umpire was convinced that all Jayadev had to do was jump before delivering the ball...action cleared, wickets tmble and as expected...we won by 12 runs...but a breakthrough to our reputation in the tournament...we made it to the finals and this was our last hurdle...shake hands all over as the organizers announced the finalists of the tournament...Team Apex vs St. Thomas college of Arts...a first of sorts for both teams...an hours break before the finals and both teams were breathing...

Most of the crowd stayed back to see our downfall...most speaking of our run as a fluke...to me it was like a tale in an old story book...from what we were last year to what we had got ourselves to that year by sheer effort and belief...it was true and it took us time to soak in that we were the finalists...we were seated in a circle and talking of all the positives on what we had achieved and what was ahead of us...some of them even saying...finals is not a big thing...but the journey was to the finals was worth a lifetime. We all shared the same sentiment...whatever happens from now...we go out with our heads held high...victory or defeat. The crowd gathered near both teams and were now buzzing with speculations, predictions and adulations. We then stared at the battlefield for a while and looked to each other...One more time boys...we all felt the same words pass through our ears...and it was true. It was just one last time...I reminded Vatsa of his promise..."We will..."

Captains head to the center of the battlefield and the remaining crowd hooting and cheering...spin of the coin and Heads is the call by our man and we decide to bat without second thoughts...this time it was a 10 over match. Murali and I as usually walked to the center to start off the proceedings...both of our hearts feeling the pressure of the Finals. This time, both of our plans to demolish was halted right at the start and we both fell after what had been an amazing run at the tournament...this as it seemed...was our last shot. Two early wickets and we were trotting at the first half of the match...other key players too perished leaving all hopes to other unlikely saviours. It is believed that in tough times, arise tough characters to weather the storm...to us it came in the form of Vatsa and Amrith...the guys who dint give up till the very end despite not having a good run with the bat in the entire tournament...Vatsa got all his shots right in what seemed a terrible time at practice and all of Amriths energy spent on the moment that mattered. Vatsa was quiet and moved on with his game while Amrith kept running despite our doubts about his stamina...given the toxic condition he was in...all said and done...both emerged heroes and saviours in the first half of the battle...with support from the rest on all fronts. The score stood at 62 in 10 overs...modest but a faint chance. Vatsa and Amrith had the breather they wanted and all of us gave a raucous ovation as they returned for a well deserved sip of glucose!

We speak nothing, we do nothing...all we do is smile and enjoy the moment that we came this far...winning was not on our minds for the first time...it was a fight that was on our mind...one last leap! "Thanks Vatsa...you have given us a chance.." I told him...for the first time he mentioned this..."Namma Jaikarom da" (meaning - we are winning mate!)...and that was our mantra...field set, players ready and then our final chapter began...Arvind and Ranga were bowling their hearts out but there were these relentless players who were negotiating the attack with ease...but then all of a sudden...a quick run out by Murali, stunning catch by Dhilip, sharp keeping by Amrith and a mammoth effort from Vatsa...a quick rush of wickets after a dull start gave us all the hope and chance we wanted...I then picked two in an over...including the guy who got me out...and then it was down to the wire...4 overs to go...21 runs to get...Arvind bowls an amazing over and the equation comes to 3 overs and 17 runs...Ranga then takes over...tight spell...equation comes to 2 overs 12 runs...Arvind bowls....wicket taking over...yells and screams all over...appealing to the umpire...decisions going both ways. Last over left...8 runs required...Ranga bowls...field is set...players praying on their feet, some on their knees...I was scribbling Win on the sand below...just a shade of hope fading away...first ball...dot...second ball...wicket...eruption!!! Mayhem yet again...but the game was far from over...next ball...2 runs...6 to win...3 balls to go...next one was a screamer...dot ball...missing the stumps by a shade...2 balls 6 runs required...next ball...bad one...2 runs off it...1 ball remaining...4 to win...one shot away...one last chance...captains, bowler and keeper discuss last minute strategy...prayers intensify...hooting gets louder...umpire feel the heat as well...im still as a rock...knowing not what to expect next...and then it all happenned...

Bowled him!!! Cracker of a delivery that sneaked passed through the heave and crashes into the stumps...it was at that moment...for a second...my world stood still...it all unfolded in that one moment...smiles became laughter...prayers came true, hops became leaps and a dreams became reality...we had won. The margin was by 3 runs and that moment was scripted by all together in a huddle and in embrace of a feeling that we never planned for...our journey was over and the destination had arrived...we were never able to control our emotions...but then it had to be. The crowd in the background gave a faint applause but that was lost in the noise we were creating as winners. Our captain tried his best to get us under control as the opposition team was waiting for a final handshake of fine sportsmanship...the spirit in which the game was played...and then the presentation ceremony and the man of the match to Ranga...for his fine performance under pressure...no speeches, no photographs but the moments has been etched in my heart and mind.

Victory it was as we lifted the trophy and gave another scream of victory, everyones blood, sweat and tears embracing the golden cup...kisses and hugs galore for that trophy...everyones dream coming true in their very hands...we spent our last moments before we split homeward...we would speak of this moment in our lives to come...remember this victory in every dire situations one was in and in every interview when we were asked about one achievement in life...they can see it in our faces when we narrate this tale...a true story. I call it immortal because it was a bunch of Correspondence guys who beat the best and those who thought we were dispensable...we became truly invincible by body, mind, heart and soul.

After 6 years now, the trophy is somewhere on the loft at my home, gathering the dust of time and tide...the trophy after sometime dint feel important...it was that journey from nowhere to the pinnacle of glory...we did not go to another tournament thereafter...our situations took us in different directions...but it is this one moment in our lives that brings us together no matter where we are and what we do despite any given situation...all of us share a good laugh and talk like we have hung up our boots.

Well, we plan to meet sometime soon with our past binding us into one good conversation...I hope to tell this tale to anyone who is willing to win despite odds...I hope to tell it till I die. What came to me as vengeance as a fuel at the start...ended up being victory by sheer effort, dedication, team effort and the spirit to win...no substitute whatsoever.

Certain triumphs in life are worth remembering beyond ones mortal dreams...those victories will be spoken even beyond, that is why this is an immortal moment...to me, this just happens to be one of them...

(The Apex Winning Team From Left to Right: Jayadev, Dhilip, Vatsa (standing), Ranga, Aravind, Me (Vasanth), Amrith and Murali and Subbu who took the snap)

Mt. Everest is Alone

2008-12-26T10:26:00.044+05:30

Life takes us to two extremes. One of knowing something too well or the other of knowing nothing at all...and not to forget the grey area which lies between them both. In both these extreme domains there is a bit of lonliness and a bit of company. When you are the best of the best, you are on top of the ladder with no company because there can only be one first place. On the other hand, when you know nothing at all, you are again alone because the whole world accoding to you knows everything or at least something.

This came to my mind in a recent conversation I had with a couple of friends. One was an engineer and highly qualified and ambitious chap and the other being a simple and happy go lucky graduate girl who just wanted to marry and get settled. Despite being friends, I felt a little lost and totally disconnected in that one conversation and it just hit me like a gentle breeze caressing across my face what seemed to me a hard fact.

The conversation was in no way about a common topic but a diverse subject which included each persons respective areas of interests...the guy's topic was about engineering, technology, the girls was about life in general - work and personal and mine was about rock music. Well, as it can be noticed, three of us belonged to the scale which I explained in the beginning. The guy was so engrossed in his dialogue that he dint allow anyone to understand or clarify what on earth he was trying to explain. Then came my turn where I spoke about the roots, bands, styles and various genres of rock music. The same was the case this time with the other two who just had no clue of what I had tried to explain. Amidst these two conversations out of the three so far, the girl got a little hold of what we both we were talking about. And then, she got her turn to speak...the third conversation was a very open and a general discussion where we both could participate and share our thoughts. Both of us found it very easy to open up and share our limited insights or even listen when we had not a clue.

After all three conversations were over, we got our chances to sip our steaming coffee that had just arrived after the three way conversation. That evening, I had derived a learning out of this tete-a tete and from here on I will indeed explain on from where exactly the title comes from and what I intend to convey.

We all know that in this world there are specialists, nothingists (I beg to use a little poetic license here) and generalists. Either we know something too well (specialists), or we know nothing at all (nothingists) or we know just enough about something (generalists). Please note, that specialists are niche area folks and hence the scarcity of specialists around; the nothingists are blissfully ignorant people, who are also less because our social structure does not permit us to do so; and the generalists, the remaining lot who know a little of everything and are able to dwell between the 2 extreme categories because they are just about aware but arent flustered if they do not know the details.

Specialists, Id rather say are those who are in top ranks and have been in the most sought after profiles and seldom have a team because we know them as those who love to work alone. The Nothingists, on the other hand, know nothing blissfully ignorant and people in turn do not like to work with them at any given time. The Generalists, as I can assume, are willing to step into unknown territories, knowing it is dangerous but knowing not how to get out of it. The fact that they dont know how to get out in a dangerous situation, prompts them to know more and hence the ability to converse, learn and find a way out. I cannot discount certain damages that can happen here in this process. The greats have once said - little knowledge is too dangerous...and it is. In which case, the extremes of being a specialist and a nothingist does help...sometimes being a generalist, gets you in a situation which you just did not want to get into...rather was happy to see it go by than get into it.

Now if you had to take real life instances and put people into these categories (also yourself) and then judge on how to take life forward...Im sure it would bring a lot of things to perspective and bring oneself to reality. Mt. Everest is the tallest mountain on planet Earth and has an envious record than any other peak in the world. Does it, in this case, have company? Do you think, being the best and the specialist, brings you more friends? Arent you actually alone being on the top? Hasnt it struck you that you are far and way above ground reality? Arent you on top of the human construct of what they call is the best and first rank? Arent you alone...I mean by people and not by ideas of work or by your intellectual demons. Dont you want to be in the company of the world than be counted amongst the elite? Have you ever ventured back to what you were before becoming a specialist? To those, these are some of my questions you might want to rethink your answers about...i know you might have already formulated an answer by now...think again.

The Mariana Trench...the lowest point on this planet and the deepest abyss ever found...blissfully ignorant of the world above, peacefully slumbering in the depths of the waters, waiting for light to even be touched upon. Dear Nothingists, I am talking to you all. Ever wondered how it is to be even seen? Have you ever witnessed the evolution of this world? Dont you want to be a part of history and an element of the future? Does time come to any essence for you? Does it help to have friends? Do you know that knowing not is not an excuse, rather a grave mistake you know you are making? Isnt there a purpose for your existence or your actions? Wouldnt you want to see the light of day? Do you realize that by resting your brain, you are not resting but killing an intellectual gift unique only to mankind? Have you ever listened, besides hearing? Have you ever watched besides seeing? To those, these are some of my questions you might want to rethink your answers about...I know you might have already ignored all my attempts by now...listen and watch.

The land we live on...level between the highest point on the planet and the deepest abyss, knowing not the extremes of the scale but grounded to reality. Balanced but not willing to go the extremes knowing the outcomes beforehand inaccurately with an uncertain future, a running present and a buried past. Do you know how does it feel to blissfully ignorant? Dont you want to live beyond the edge rather than living on the edge? Does knowing too much hurt? Isnt greatness a part of everyday life? Do you need a permanent vacation? Does learning and progress ever cease? Does human existence fight for money in the name of the country and the economy? Is it worth knowing something so deep and living with it your entire life? Does immortality and legendary mean something to you? Do you know the difference between freedom and being free? To those, these are some of my questions you might want to rethink your philosophy in life...I know you might have already started thinking about the questions by now...nevermind, its a decent beginning if not the end.

Here is a conclusion that is worth a debate and discussion. Neither can one stay at both extremes of Specialist and a Nothingist nor can be stuck inbetween and call oneself a Generalist. The reason we call life a journey and not a destination is that we have to tread from one extreme of the scale to another if the situation demands so from time to time. It is a neverending process and in this crossover journey we will come across so many people who are interchanging their roads with you and who are on their way to the opposite ends of my scale. You will never feel alone if you treat this knowledge as your own...share it. Give as much as you can and take as much as is offered.

Life comes as much as it goes...never think twice to make a nothingist feel like a generalist, always give a chance for a generalist to know a little more and get known and give that specialist a chance to show how much can be given to a nothingist and let the nothingist give a touch of freedom of blissfully ignorant feel whenever they are stuck up in daily chores. It is when this happens that my scale will diminish and the merger of minds and bodies and souls will take place with no boundaries where existence will be all about oneness and mutual respect. The moment we draw the line, we part ourseleves into the hands of madness and chaos. Let us be one and share this feeling of to know, not to know and knowing a little more to as many as we can. Its a big world but the journey can only begin with a small step!

Always remember, Mt. Everest is always lonely, but if it welcomes to be scaled upon, will it have company. The Mariana Trench is always lonely, but if the abyss welcomes the light with open arms, it will see the light of day. The plain earth on which we dwell on will have company but will lose the pleasure of going the extreme and knowing what it is to live beyond the edge rather than on the edge. The extreme scale (of segregating people into Specialists, Nothingists and Generalists) which I created in this article is just a mental construct which we are so used to doing knowingly or unknowingly...lets break this myth as soon as can. If we do so, we will become one and one day the vast world we live in will become so small that it will roll in our palms. It depends if you want to have it to yourself or pass it over to the person next to you...

Immortal Triumph - I

2008-11-29T22:39:00.061+05:30

Its been close to six years since this event took place in my life but it still rings fresh in my mind whenever I slack back on my chair and dig memories of some glorious moments where winning wasn't easy and where it took more than a struggle to overcome obstacles which were perceived impossible, to emerge victorious.

This story begins right from early 2001 where we had a first shot to a city wide Cricket tournament called the J. K. Samyukhta Rolling Trophy organized by the Rotaract Club of District 3230, under whom we were one of the clubs. We were a part of an institute called Apex that supported the education of Madras University Correspondence students. To be honest, we weren't a very prominent cadre or a desired bunch in the vicinity but it was promising when we became a part of the Rotaract Club District 3230. The word Correspondence and our entity as Correspondence Students was always at a derogatory disposal. We surely werent the smartest or politically savvy of all the clubs, but were surely the most hard working and sincere bunch of guys one would have come across...such was our background going into our first tournament...

I was doing my first year in B.Com and I was a part of the squad with my seniors that went for the tournament with 2 teams - A and B. Well, we did not get off to a good start and that meant we depended on each other team to lose to make way for us which I practically felt was a very desperate wishful thinking we were heading towards. We werent focusing and delivering as planned. We were sighting the girls as we saw our teams go down in defeat. As expected, predicted and planned...we were knocked out of the tournament in 2001...thanks to some one-sided umpiring and ruthless behaviour in a gentleman's game...I personally went back with a bitter taste and promised...no, swore to come back some day soon...with vengeance...

A year passed by and the memory of the ugly past had been buried under my willingness to look ahead and indeed...time was the best healer...no one else dared to talk to me about it. In late 2002 and we had been invited to participate in the tournament again. Memories began to unravel skeletons from the cupboard and we decided to exorcise our demons the only way we knew - by winning. We somehow knew this was our final time for redemption - this was it...this was our last chance. This time we had decided to go in with only one team and that in itself was a bold move where with more teams comes the probability to stay alive in the knockout rounds in the tournament. We practiced like our lives depended on it, we played practice matches under the scorching sun and in the soaring Chennai heat and pouring rains to get ourselves to stop complaining about the weather. In the battlefield, whether it is hot or cold, the enemy will strike at you in any moment with full force...we were readying our minds to see those mind battles through. On the lighter side of all of this, we gathered every penny we had to register for the tournament ourselves in the last minute and made it to the tournament paper as Team Apex.

After all the paper work was done, it was time for some action...but before I get to the action, here is a snapshot of my team that made history:

Murali, the wily and quick chap with a sharp eyesight and a sense of humour - Opening batsman and a lightning quick fielder...tried his hand at bowling a few off-spinners...got an ugly treatment by an unassuming batsman once upon a time.
Jayadev, the aggressive, passionate, brutal muscleman in our team...fastest bowler and the most unpredictable batsman. His only drawback was his emotions...taunt him and you could get him out...tough controlling him when the chips are down but pleasure to unleash to the opposition when we have to get things up and rolling.
Dhilip, the ice cool customer with an ISO smile and one who can speak calmly even in the face of a disaster. Well...getting him serious for a big match was the only challenge but nevertheless, he was an amazingly committed fielder whom you couldnt judge by his physique...could pull a stunner any given moment.
Vatsa, the pan and tobaccco chewing, cigeratte smokin, abusive throwin, lock, stock and barrell dude with a don type outlook. A giant by no means and the strategist of the team. The issue with him was that the moment you piss him off, the first word he utters will end up in a literal riot that would bring mayhem...he nevertheless was the hero on any given sunday...and it was a sunday when it all happenned.
Amrith, a beer drinking, chain smoker with dont-give-a-damn attitude who had the looks of a model and was indeed a distraction for opponents...he wouldnt run as the amount of smoking nearly cut out his stamina...the only role we could give and the best he was at - wicket keeping. The most underestimated player who gave his blood and sweat for the team and went the last mile.
Subbu, our club president and the negotiator for the team in any given crisis. Probably the only guy who gave the umpires the run for their money as he had a constant eye on their decisions and comments. He is like the Hulk...extreme anger and rage can improve his performance on the field...probably what got him in the team!
Ranga, the religious and the tallest in the gang...the smartest medium pace bowler who added a little thinking into his repetoire. His breakthroughs in the toughest moments was what helped see the light of day in the darkest moments. Nervous chap who can talk fast and still produce some stunning wickets! His spiritual aura truly was reflected in the finals where he got us to hope and pray.
Aravind, the all rounder who could bowl fast and produce a peach of an innings when needed most. The only player who had played in the District Level tournaments and had a lot of experience in tapping our potential and abilities on the field. He was our captain and had a big role to play in all we scripted in this real life fairy tale...
and then Me...I was an opening batsman and a medium pace bowler...I was basically the demolition guy with the sole purpose of anihilating the opening attack of the opponents and set us a good rate to set a good score. I could bowl a good pace and chipped in with a few wickets here and there...

My only belief and goal was to win...and this is what I told others too...Lets Win! (...to be concluded)

Random Questions II

2008-11-29T19:09:00.011+05:30

Will our country ever rid of itself the disease of terror?
Will politics ever be a matter of nation or personal vested interests?
Will Black ever turn to White?
Will floods that go to the sea return sometime later?
Does one have the right to anothers life?
Does it take more than skill to prove a better team?
Are marriages made in heaven or in websites?
Are sanskrit priests and pundits paid better than programmers?
Will the inflation lead to deflation ore reflation?
Why do we gather so much when we are going to return empty handed?
Does anger help prove ones point?
Why is money immortal when paper is mortal?
Why doesnt time wait for anyone?
Why do the worthy good die young and the unworthy evil last forever?
How much wood has been used to publish books in this century alone?
Do we know the amount of electronic waste we will have in another 10 years?
Are movie villain motives for real?
Why do we cry after a good laugh and laugh after a bad cry?
Will poverty ever be put on hold?
Will old age homes see more enrolments?
Will we have kids of our own (the tough way) or with donor sperms (the easy way)?
Why is love a mortal feeling with immortal stories?
How many gods and religions do we have?
How old is this universe?
Will we ever see aliens on this planet?
How many more songs can we compose?
What if life went backwards?
What if we communicated in numbers than language?
Will there be another Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath record in the near future?
Has metal ever pierced the human spirit in trying times?

Enough of chaos and back to sanity...more randomness to come soon...

Mind Your Math

2008-11-20T22:00:00.027+05:30

The one prolonged fear we have experienced from the cradle to the grave and the only thing that keeps us alive and well...the subject of much debate to the essence of innovation...this has been in our blood and in the air we breathe...in our pockets and the world around...yes I am talking about...Mathematics!!!

To me personally, this has come across as a boon and a bane....nothing less, nothing more. According to me, what is taught in school is the most scariest because of the positioning of the subject and the importance of marks and scoring a centum in your finals. But in reality this subject has something that seems like it was in me all the time. Everything in Maths is basically got to do with logic, formulae and theorems and a set of equations. Where did all of this evolve from? Man did not discover Math from thin air...he invented it right from the days of evolution. Debatable quote but worth the argument...in fact it might work both ways...let me not be controversial - man discovered math...did not invent it. I will leave it to the readers to poll around this and bang their heads to come to a conclusion.

The objective of my article is to explore maths without material. Lot of us fear numbers and literally go to the doctors to scan this unique fear which we overcome every moment in life. According to me, all the formulae, theorems and equations have been ingrained somewhere in our minds and hearts. We just put them to use when it matters the most without the knowledge of its existence or its purpose. It has been with us all these years and will be till our last breath, helping us to survive what we call 'life'. Here is my take on this...what we call Logic is actually Maths...not on all counts...but on some which I will try to explain as I go on.

Right from the days of learning the nuances of language, to our first steps and recognizing people to our sense of direction and reactions to actions, we have been doing our maths at every step of life. We knew the faster we crawled the happier others would be to give what we wanted. We knew the effort for each crawl and the effort to each first step we took in our first walk. Our parents would count the 10 steps to walk and we grew up taking those 10 steps at a time...there you go...our first number. In school, it then came to the games where it was all about the numbers (including the trump cards or the game of Uno). We grew up counting our wins with numbers, yet we feared what was on paper than what was on our mind!

Moving on, to a scene where we would know how the clock would show where we would then calculate mentally however soon or late we left, the time we would approximately reach...thereby change our calculations based on the mode of transport and the pace of the traffic. To those who thought they were weak in numbers, if you can seriously find your way to ur destination by approximity of time and derivative calculation based on the situation...I think we have achieved more than what we had imagined in school or in college. Pacing our ways while driving or crossing on dangerous roads and judging the speed by sheer agility and reflex requires (according to me) sheer mathematical brilliance. Here is my take - those who end up in minor or major accidents on roads might have been those who had been great in their papers but unable to cope up with the numbers pressure on the actual scene. I am not here to defame or deface mathematical geniuses (in their own right) on this but think about this...people who end up calculating on paper acutally lose time acting on the scene. To me, those who survive the mathematical madness of the roads are the rightful masters of mind maths - no paper, no pen.

Music is another field that has captivated my mind - the sheer rhythmic and tonal brilliance captured by artists on and off stage. What does it take to keep the music we play sane? What does it take to move our adrenalin while listenin to music? Its all about the beats and what we call - Thaalam or Taal. These are counts or taps to keep the momentum and the counts so that the music is precision oriented and not lost in the chaos of unorganized notes. Our mind has been listenin to so many beats and tunes based on mathematical calculations - ones that did not require calculations or formulaes but just the knowledge of the tempo counts. Most musicians are school or college drop outs...wondering where did all those calculations come from? Paper and pen somebody...no! Its all in the mind. Look around and you will find musical brilliance walking this planet without having achieved much in school.

Sometimes, I wonder...it is also in Love where we calculate our moves to woo the person we like in many ways possible. There have been times where there have been bad calculations and some of us have terribly gone wrong and have misfired and also got badly hit. Proposals gone wrong with replies at the rate of knots and some replies at the rate of miles per hour smashing our cheekbones with unexpected mental and physical trauma. Ah! Love...to those who get the calculations right...its smooth sailing but need to keep validating their equations. Those are people who know the X in algebra which others fail to fathom and discover. There you go...cupids indeed a professor. I am yet to solve my equation.

There are many fields that we can analyse in detail and I will leave that space to the researchers. I am here just to stimulate and provoke a thought in those minds that have denied the existence of maths (including me). I have been grown up with an utmost hate and had maximum agony with Maths and when it struck me in life later....I told myself...I have been doing it all along and I was pretty good at it! I think that is a kind of mantra that I penned for myself and which I have been following (calculating I'd say) every moment i have seen the possibility of numbers around me - at home, at work, on the roads, while walking, while talking, while listening, while thinking, while playing, while in silence.

We were been born with it, lived with it and have feared it, not realizing that it was the only saviour that brought us till today and will take us to where we want to go. This has been hiding or sleeping in us and has been pulled out at the right time to save our skins and our souls. Think about all the moments that you have been through and you will realize that 'Ifs and the buts' would have been sorted out if it were a matter of right estimations and corrective actions. Well, you might be wondering how...its actually very simple. Its got nothing to do with pen or paper or with theory or with books its just got to do with the mind...its invisible but tangible!

Saturday In Sanity

2008-11-15T22:01:00.015+05:30

Just back after watching an amazing movie called Body of Lies...shot completely in the Middle East on the theme of terrorism and the CIA et all...and when I walk out of the Sathyam Theatre...it pours like a flapping drape of water... from a thriller of a movie where the desert was a common sight, to see Chennai draped in this heveanly pearls was quite a sight...better was the ride back home. It was the caressing rain which softened the mood on a monsterous and manic traffic busted road...not the one that drives you mad and cuts like a knife. I must say...the battery must have gone bonkers with the rate at which I honked my way back home. People have just stopped responding or reacting!!! Ignorance in this case was bliss to them...

Back home for a hot cup of tea and a bowl of mixture and savourites amidst the growing rains and I set a playlist to get in the best of mood and it goes on till a long lost song starts to play... November Rain by Guns n Roses...and here was the best part (without sounding cliched or corny), the curtain of rain dropped down to a thunderous applause as if it was opening the stage to a symphonic and epic conerto of the elements...the intensified dramatics showered and the power packed performance was a sight to see...and it was indeed November...what a moment! The song brings back a lot of memories and a feeling of peace and comfort and its lead solo was doubtlessly lifting and pacifying after a stormy interlude.

What followed this magical moment was a nostalgic journey to the past when an old friend replied to an old mail...perfect! Lot of promise and a lot of memories...best days...doesn't take long to sink in the glory of ones past and into the promises of the future...with great weather comes great friends and brings back a lot memories...and then the door bell to break the bubble...back to reality.

Grandmaaaaa or paatii in Tamil...her turn to visit home made the day even better. As she slowly paces her way to our hall, her smile lights up the gloomy weather and brings back the light which the skies had conquered a while back, which cannot be invaded at home...happiness and smiles all the way. What an entry...which no movie can capture.

With the perfect playlist and a perfect day...I lay to rest after the light of day to the black of the night. It takes a minute to rewind and look back and realize that if this happenned everyday...it would be just too boring...no wonder such good days come after a spell of bad or moderate days. No wonder this came after a week of tough work and a well valued and well timed weekend off to experience this momentary happiness. Imagine such good days happenning at work! Might be a matter of time...lets take it as it comes for a start. As I lay on my bed...Guns n Roses sing their version of Bob Dylan's song away...Knockin on Heaven's Doors. Time to sleep and time to dream!

Chennai Law Fiasco

2008-11-13T11:38:00.007+05:30

The day - Wednesday, 12th November, 2008...the place - Dr. Ambedkar Law College, Chennai...the people - the law makers and the law keepers...

It was a shameful event (I hate to use the word event) that the people of Chennai witnessed in the evening news on TV (some saw it live too). Two parties who are connected to the law and order system of the city, brought themselves to rock bottom in the eyes of those who looked upon the law for protection.

I am not here to discuss the roots of the event, though I know it was a community based clash which was reported in the newspaper. But I am here to question and trigger a thought in people as to how on earth can we feel secure on the streets of the city when the makers and the keepers are at such a disgusting point of ignorance? In the name of humanity, what in hell's name were the police doing? Watching a uncensored action flick or fearing for their life if they got caught in the eye of the storm?

All hell broke loose and all the policemen did was witness the brutality shown by the angered youth who went berserk when they saw a scapegoat to display their violent intent. Rampant they were and merciless on that youth who was slaughtered in front of the policemen. Imagine the mother's plea and the father's anguish...the agony they must have been through...their son might have taken the wrong step but would have a couple of blows sufficed...couldn’t the policemen stop the angry mob...were they told to stay put...were they scared...did they take orders from someone else...

I am angered by the fact that why was no action taken…who stopped the policemen from taking strict measures...a delayed and reactive approach of just arresting when all the damage has been done! The logic may remain that the youth who got hit might have said something or done something which might have irked and hurt the opposition, but couldn’t this have been settled by a quick action...why the mob, why the riots? What were the college officials doing ...sleeping on their easy chairs I guess...like what they do in the courts...the lessons they teach to those who pass out to maintain law and order...

I have a mixed feeling to all of this. Sometimes I feel the guy deserved it because no one reacts so violently if there isn’t a valid reason or being provoked...but on the other hand, i feel this wasn’t the only way to solve it...and it could have been amicably settled and needless to take up arms and beat the living daylights out of that guy who might have needlessly got himself into trouble...

But one question remains unanswered...where are we today? Rapes, Murders, Kidnaps, Riots and Mobs are all running wild...and the policemen are the puppets in the hands of a master and do as they are told to do...this is the state of the current government is...this is how they get things done and this is how they operate with power. Does anyone around listen to their conscience and act accordingly...does this city need a fictional based Dark Knight to get rid of the evil around...will this city remain as contaminated and unsafe to live in? This now becomes a good plot for DC Comics…guess justice is served only in fiction and not in reality.

Now I have many questions unanswered and I can go on and on and on and this will surely take more than a lifetime to see the light of day. It is far better to be by ourselves and stay as far away from this rusted and rotten system. Love your close ones and be good to each other and stay out of trouble. If we do so...peace is in our hands...the moment we are deep in the system, peace becomes another man's property...

Monsoon Mayhem

2008-10-23T18:41:00.019+05:30

Well...what a start to the monsoon in Chennai!!! Its been an ocean so far and all hell has broken loose as usual whenever it rains in this city. Water water everywhere...and not a drop to drink. Im not here to talk about the worst shower or the best monsoon spell...im just here to tell you about how it feels to be in Chennai at such times...

Firstly, a rain drop in chennai is like a start to a major celebration and covers the Headlines of the newspapers and the top stories in news channels. People hit the streets and venture to experience the monsoon breeze and smell the wet sand that evokes a lot of sentiments. Its basically a festival short of Diwali for a celebration even if it drizzles in Chennai...you can imagine the festivities when the monsoon sets in. Its such a relief and makes life just lighter and a gives us a little something to celebrate about. For people in Bangalore, its like a daily ritual...boring...hahaha (okay okay no backlashes)

Secondly, Chennai is one of the most toughest places to be when it rains (I am not competing or comparing to Mumbai). To be honest, walking around or even driving around is a nightmare...but again, the show goes on. Ranganathan Street is a good example. The best place to be in such times is in office or at home. The perfect moment being sipping a hot cup of tea and a bowl of pakoda...what can I say...just perfect. If youre in office, unwind, daydream of duets or walk around to enjoy the weather...the boss can wait for a while according to me...try this out, youll not get fired. Thinking about crushes, love, friends, hits and misses blah blah...wherever your mind and heart can take you. Sales guys can have a break at the nearest Nair Tea kadai! Others can go to the Vending Machine.

Next, the best way to travel in Chennai at these times is by our very own PTC or MTC - the bus. The monster vehicle that makes its way in all the sea of water and vehicles to reach its destination with ease and elan...Never in chennai should you take out your two wheelers...the moment you do so...youre doomed. The abuses we give and take are in the air and no ones listening. You cant see your vehicle's tyres and you dont know where the next pothole is. The buses are the best, but wait, theres a twist here too. I am not the only person thinking of doing this...its the whole city. I must admit, we are quite united in what we think as the best way to get out of a mess. We do it as a team. The whole city rides on the bus and makes it virtually impossible to even hold on to a railing of the bus (leave alone getting in). The bus is at a mighty tilt and rides brave through the storm and comes out victorious (how inspiring to see such a beast beat the people's misery to pulp). Few days back, the ride that usually takes 30 mins, on that rainy day took me 2 1/2 hours ( i had to change buses too and take a different route).

The drainage system in the city is so bad that what is supposed to lie beneath is up on the surface, ending up with all the water that comes from the left, right, centre and above. I wouldnt want to accuse the government of doing nothing but of the contractors who failed to secure the city from such disasters...wonder who ate the money...something to think about. The incomplete constructions and destructions also add up to the agony of the city and makes life even worse in the eyes of the senior citizens. Yelling cops with knee boots dumping some sense into pedestrians to walk safe...the point is that the footpath is as distrought as the roads. Too many corrupt compromises have resulted in a literally hollow city with too many loopholes. Enough of my ramblings of a fed up citizen...

Finally, some fond memories. I still remember our PT Class getting cancelled due to the rains, the government declaring a holiday fearing rains on a day when theres sunshine, swimming our ways to school on a working day when it poured, hoping some of our teachers would be absent, playing cricket on those wet roads, catching a cold, jumping on the pool of water near our walls, paper boat competition, playing trump cards etc. The monsoon does bring back a lot of memories. There are surely many more than what I have listed.

Make sure you enjoy this monsoon, because it will take another year till we see another. With the change in the climate, we dont even know when it might arrive and with what it might come. Be aware of your surroundings and stay safe. Beware of cut wires, bad roads and dug corners. Take precautions and enjoy the weather. Smile people, this is Chennai's moment of glory...

Jam Packed

2008-10-10T10:48:00.013+05:30

Imagine you are on a corporation playground on a festive weekend where there are about 20 - 25 cricket matches being played where there are energetic little boys from 10 years onwards to the huffing and puffing 40 year olds...this is as close to getting slammed smack in the middle of a T.Nagar traffic jam. I'd doubt if you can make through this mess, finding your ways out to a peaceful exit. Welcome to Chennai's own cricket mania on a weekend - worse than a traffic jam or a festive shopping season (debatable though). I do not aim to defy any city's passion for the game especially competing on the number of matches per ground - this is just to give a perspective on Chennai's craze for the game...

Firstly, the craze in Chennai is about the street cricket scene where we play with the tennis ball...to be honest...this is more tough and competitive than the professionals can handle...(that was a little blatant...) and since we all cannot afford the gear, we take up to this weapon of choice on which theres even a movie made as a tribute to those who have donned the streets of Chennai. Now, each corporation ground has a lot of other sports facilities in place, but this doesnt stop some of us from assuming every post and pole as the wicket and any straight patch of land which is barren enough to be called a pitch...now you can imagine...masters of economy in space...

The funny part come right in the morning where we have to literally invade in order to book the pitch and scout for your rivals around. Next would be set the boundaries which invariably keeps getting moved around because most of them are moving objects...including huge block of stones which invariably get used as wickets for a lot of the deprived...after everything is set and all ready to start...we have multiple matches running into their starts and ends...all of this is as early as 5.30am to 6am...

Match begins in all the frenzy and all the hue and cry...foul umpire calls, crazy ass fielding, big hits, flying wickets, fast bowling, cracking jokes, master local sledging, field setting, drop catches, wandering cattle and the stray dogs, one off audience and last minute inclusions. At this moment...there are at least 300 people packed in this ground and it is impossible to spot your game ball and the respective fielders...this is now the act of camouflage and its guerilla warfare time. Being a fielder is funny now...distractions in plenty...you have no clue who might be appealing and going for the run...at times...watching other matches are just as nail biting and worth watchin than fielding for a match thats almost a goner...here is where the ball slips past our sight and heads towards a boundary...incoming abusive moments follow as well...bumping into many of the players in the field and then theres something that hits us...the game ball...both doubt where it belongs or where it comes from...sometimes we get hold of the wrong game ball which might be heading towards the boundary and throw it to our boys...one good reason to start a fight...as we know...the Chennai crowd is educated and a quite a sport...but when its fight-time...theres no mercy...

Win or lose...at the end of the day, in all the mayhem, having fun is the ultimate objective. The ultimate moment in such a field is the organized chaos that surround us and in that whirl, makes us forget our woes and worries...no wonder even married men and boys with arrears tread these grounds...this part of the planet for many of us, is the holy ground where every moment is festive where the spirit of the game is alive and roaming in all the madness...this is life...

Ever wondered how this is more chaotic than the traffic zones in Chennai but still destined to generate more fun...pay a visit to these abodes and youll know for sure...if you can survive without being bumped by another or bumping into another...youve certainly won your ground and gained your way to peace and well being...on and off the roads.

Silence is Loud

2008-10-07T21:33:00.009+05:30

It was a bustling junction at Luz, entering my haven at Mylapore today. I was pounding Megadeth in my MP3 player because i felt it was better to listen to some metal than hear the mindless and merciless motorists who keep honking for every inch they move. Amidst all this noise and haste, I was struck by the sight of 3 young people just before they were to cross the road at my signal stop. They were engaged in a very animated conversation and were trying to explain to each other about some issue that was bothering them. I was wondering what they were signalling to opposite the road until I turned my head to see a local party hoarding depicting a dhoti clad politician with his hands folded. What amused me was that the party president's picture was an inset on the hoarding as if he was overseeing what the situation was like.

After observing all this, I turned back to see the three boys getting even more animated and getting even more fenzy. It was then I observed that the lanes opposite the junction were blocked due to the party meeting and seemed they were discussing the results if they crossed the line without permission. One of them was depicting that the party people would chop their limbs off if they did and the other was trying to explain that they would hold us and beat us to numbness if we did so...and the last one said that none of them would hear or understand us. The three fell still for a while and guess they got the message. Something amazed me after that...it dint stop them from discussing them further. It was then the signal was about hit Green for us and one of them told the other that we've waited enough so lets get going and cross the junction. After all of this, it then struck me that all 3 of them were bound by silence and gagged by sound. Their eyes and hands was all that did the talking.

All of this happenned in a span of about 3 minutes. I was simply stunned by what I could observe and understand in such silence amidst all the noise and haste in that limited time. Their action, hand and eye movements and gestures were like poetry in motion, like they were dancing to their own music. In all the silence and still observation, there was so much that was spoken, heard and understood. Their smile, stares and grins were quite a sight in all the maddenning traffic zone that drove me insane. It doesnt take an MP3 player to give you the feeling of listening to music, it doesnt need words to convey what you desire to communicate. All it needs is a little understanding, observation and a little consideration.

Sometimes it hits you when you realise certain truths that come in the form of small real life skits like these where actions speak louder than words and silence is louder than speech...look around to find tales and feathers like these to enjoy the simple joys of life. Its as simple as that and it takes less than 3 minutes like it took me today. The last 5 minutes of my ride back home were filled with a light feeling that comforted me. I was breathing...

Are we heading this way?

2008-10-05T21:18:00.015+05:30

I have been flipping news channels and newspapers and all I see this so called secular country in total disgrace. Just looking at the fanatics running amuck and committing atrocities by will and all our government can do is just shoot statements and create quotes that are worth penning in books and not the impression in the life of those who are in the eye of the storm. I mean, where in the hell are we heading with all of this? Innocent people amidst the most wanted people are targetted with utmost dismay, disrespect and disgrace. Why are we playing god when we are just mortals? Sad acts like these will only be treated like forgettable tales but remembered as a friction strike for future reference. Where do in the pages of any scriptures has it been written that we should take lives in the name of god and for the sake of the purity of this land? I mean, arent we a congregation of races and religions since existence? Hasnt this been hailed as one of the most unique cultures in this world? Why are we then burning this legacy?

There certainly seems to be a deeper past and a much intense issue to all of this happenning...but a lot of fanatics are mistaking this to a propaganda and taking this to the streets and burning bridges to ashes. We might need to go back a thousand years to understand this angst and agony to which people fall prey to. Mankind has itself taken so many decisions to which the current generation is unable to fathom. Guess this is just a carry over from all those fossil remains. When are we going to turn a new page? Are we settling an old score? So much vengeance and hatred...

"Ignorance is Bliss" - an inexplicable and diabolical anonymous quote - are we being fooled by just being ignorant? Avoiding the truth gets us nowhere and will not bring us peace because it will be multiplied when we realize for real that it was too late to even heed what happenned in the past. What was just the strike of a match, might be the rage of the wild fire. We never know when an angry mob can walk down our streets and question our beliefs and our identity and by their will...weild their weapon of choice upon us. Its time to look up and see whats happenning around us and and not just read the papers to keep ourselves updated.

I can take a lot of recent and past incidents into account on what has been happenning in India for the last several decades (especially in the current decade) but I do not want to look into the past anymore - it would be like beating the dead rat - needless to say I am indeed aware. What was done has been done and nobody can change that. It has now been etched in the books of mankind's history - be it for fame or shame. I am thinking of living today and dreaming of a tomorrow. A world where we are about to see and are building with our own hands, blood, sweat and tears. Billy Joel once sang the memorable lines - "We dint start the fire, it was always burning since the world was turning..." - he was looking at the past and how we are victims of the past. But, according to me, if this fire continues, mankind will be razed to the ground. We will be on the brink of self destruction if this wild fire continues.

Can we not educate our children and the younger generation about the existence of Mankind as a single identity. Can we not explain to them that religion is a way to a belief which is unique to each believer? Telling them that violence is not the way to victory but it is in unity and acknowledging the fact that taking lives is not in our hands. I think its high time that the smarter generation across the globe, put aside those differences and past tales of shame and shambles and reconstruct the world for them for a better tomorrow.

As they say that "Charity begins at home". If each of us can take this simple yet deep message to the ones we know and to those who matter the most, I think this would be a starting step to seeing the past through and demonstrate the true meaning of peace. Let us spread the message and be more aware of our country's actions as it certainly has a promising future.

I wouldnt be surprised if this small effort can turn into a giant leap...

DarkKnight...

A decade of poetry - I

2008-10-02T00:03:00.009+05:30

This has been an unfathomable journey and it has taken a decade to realize how far I have come in this chosen path. A journey that has taken me to places never imagined before and meeting people I had never met before and getting to know people better than I knew them before. This path has put me on situations and has tested my wit, wisdom and my will and has put me from an unidentifiable soul to at least the one whose word is at least read and heard.

For the last ten years, there has been a life that I have never dreamt of. I began with a self motivated push and it came in the form of an exercise post a lesson in my English Class way back in the year 1998. I still remember it was Ogden Nash's poem on a patients ordeal with his bad tooth at the Dentist's place. It was titled "This Is Going To Hurt Just A Little Bit". There was something about the dark humour in the poem that tempted me to give it a try and it was then that I gave it my first shot at my first poem. In all the cliché to it...there was no more looking back.

It was the likes of Robert Frost, Rudyard Kipling, Samuel Taylor Coleridge that further motivated me to take this direction and pursue the craft of poetry which is seemingly becoming a dead art like the language of Sanskrit. I am not telling that it is dead...just that it has taken a lot of derivative forms that the purity has been almost wiped out. Of all the people I have met, I havent yet met the right publisher. Even if i met one, all they said was - "Sorry, Poetry doesnt sell, so we cant take your material" . And this was what prompted me to write for the art and for my writing pleasure.

Writing was one of the biggest revelations in my life. It helped me cross the trivial pressures and the confused state of mind of a teenager. The art was my saviour and put me on a course that was charted to some destined destination. When I was in Delhi for my schooling, I surely was the most recognizable, but for all the wrong reasons. I was called Madrasi and was treated like a guy from Africa because of my complexion. Well, this did build a lot of internal pressure and stress and by discovering the art of poetry, I saved myself from the violent arms of the disturbed mind. The writing did the trick and I soon found my way out. In the last 4 years of my schooling, the first 2 years were hell...after that it was a comeback of sorts - my knowledge of weilding the power of the pen than that of the sword, paved my way to some recognition and saw the same guys who took me down, see me in the eye and just wishing me well. That was my first ever victory...I knew it was just the beginning...

Writing was a very enjoyable experience at this stage because it was all about the discovery the art and it was a very innocent stage where even the silliest rhyme would sound like the chime of the bells. Without a proper guide or a person to keep pushing me to be good at it, I took it as a mission to do what was necessary. I would take up words as titles...just plain words...and write about them - for e.g. Books, Winter, Time, Music, Love etc. and endlessly tear down the drafts till they sounded right to enter my first ever collection of my poems. This wasn’t however very easy to do, as it involved a lot of patience, persistence and a lot of practice. But it finally paid off as it took at least the first 3 years to bring about 75 of my first poems into one solid collection.

This would go on to become the first of many ventures and thematic expeditions I had set upon. I had finally found my muse. The identity I had taken was what I called the DarkKnight which defined my struggle and the battle I waged to overcome my barriers and defy what was impossible with my only weapon of choice – and hence the reference of the Warrior Poet as a model of my existence and purpose and hence the deep and dark sides of the Knight in me who rose in the darkest of moments.

Please Note – the pseudonym might be a direct parallel to The Batman's tale of emergence but is not derivative of the name. It was just mere coincidence, like it was all meant to be, like it all fell in the right place.

More to come on Part II

Random Questions...

2008-09-30T21:13:00.011+05:30

Some random questions to ponder over...

Do we need to create robots when we are ourselves turning into one?
When the wildlife is on the brink of extinction...have we gone into wiping out mankind?
Why are the innocent targetted in the bomb blasts?
Do we break traffic rules which are meant for our safety?
Why are the front pages of the newspaper all about murders, rapes and extortions?
How is India's 80% of the wealth with the top 20% of the population?
Are we waging a war in the name of god?
Is outsourcing like filtering the low end jobs to an intellectual country like India?
Will Nano increase the existing traffic problems and create more parking issues?
Will the worlds garbage be dumped in outer space?
Will the Tiger don the museum for our next generation?
Will we ever have a proactive Government in our lifetime?
Are we losing our clothes in the name of fashion?
Will humanity be wiped out with the emergence of Homosexuals?
Will we ever land on the moon again?
Will the villages ever get water and electricity throughout the day?
Will the machines take over in the future?
Will music ever be original?
Is the west moving to the east and is the east moving to the west?
Are men becoming women and women becoming men?
Have we forgotten to write when we know only to type?
Will the Board Exams still continue to build the pressure on young and innocent lives?
Are cross cultural marriages diluting the root of our culture?
Do we vouch for love or arranged marriage?
Will corruption ever end?
Is it all for the money?
Why are kids being raped nowadays?
When are we going to host the olympics?
Will the Indian Hockey scene ever regain its lost glory?
Will this planet explode with the growing population?
Will we ever breathe oxygen?
Will we boil or drown in the increasing phenomenon of Global Warming?
Has the mistakes of our past determined our Karma?
Will there be one religion or will there be none or many?
Will there be peace or will there be war?
Will the UN ever be more powerful?
Will we be able to walk our streets without being able to worry?
Will there be life after death?
Will the aliens ever visit or invade the earth?
How many of us stay with our parents?
Will we be able to sleep in peace?
Why do youngsters get heart attacks?
Will there be a cure to AIDS?
Will there be another Big Bang?

Thats as much randomness I can present at this moment...will be back with more next time...

Cheers

DarkKnight

Here I am...

2008-09-30T20:54:00.006+05:30

Ladies and gentlemen...

It has been a while and I can easily say that this is the second comeback to blogging...the last time I ventured to blog...I was carried away and simply excited where I tread everywhere aimlessly and tried to cover every topic on this planet. It was then I realised...it wasnt about the topical importance...it was about meaning and purpose.

Lot of things have happenned, are happenning and will happen to me and all of us around. Its all about capturing those right and wrong moments. It is boring to read the daily chores because we have become so robotic that we want to break away from these shackles and move into the extraordinary. So here is my attempt to bring to you something ordinary with a little extra spice to it...just to make it readable.

I would certainly love to see some honest comments (for and against) which makes it a two-way highway instead of a journey on a one way ticket. Looking forward to some great blogging moments from here on...

Cheers

DarkKnight...